I've been tempted to take shots at Alana in the past. I try to refrain. There's nothing wrong with her gig. I suspect all the judgment I dredge up was socialized into me.

Swing your mood from shit to shine!

With this dazzling clip from Alana Blanchard and Leila Hurst in Mex… 

I slept terribly last night. We don’t have A/C and it was of those situations where the fan is just pushing around hot moist air. Toss in my wife’s snores and my dog’s farts and you’ve got a recipe for tossing and turning.

Felt a little slow all day. Went for a bodysurf, got some sun, drank a beer, put on some Fleetwood Mac. Feeling much better.

It’s nice when you can swing your mood from shit to shine. I think Alana Blanchard’s newest edit helped.

I’ve been tempted to take shots at Alana in the past. I try to refrain. There’s nothing wrong with her gig. I suspect all the judgment I dredge up was socialized into me.

Her bikini shopping livestreams are pretty brutal, but everyone’s gotta earn a buck. I’d probably roast a guy for doing it. But she’s a woman and I have different standards because we live different realities.

It’s nice when you can swing your mood from shit to shine. I think Alana Blanchard’s newest edit helped.

I’ve been tempted to take shots at Alana in the past. I try to refrain. There’s nothing wrong with her gig. I suspect all the judgment I dredge up was socialized into me.

It’s a very good clip. Gorgeous colors. Minimal model lifestyle lifestyle shots. Mostly just damn good surfing, and that is sadly rare on the female side of the sport. 

Blanchard and Leila Hurst are straight ripping Salina Cruz. It’s gotta be the best I’ve ever seen Alana surf. I’m sure some people will try to shit on it because the ladies aren’t John John. But who really is?

It’s more than good enough to be very entertaining. I wish I could consistently surf as well as either of them.

There is a lot of flesh on display. Resist the temptation to talk shit. Telling a woman to cover up her body is not a road you should start down. Remember to admire, not creep.

I wonder how many stalkers Blanchard has. Gotta be a shitload, right?


Challenge: Chas Smith vs Paul Speaker!

In exchange for one interview Chas Smith promises to never write a bad word about WSL CEO Paul Speaker again!

That sumbitch Paul Speakr. That no good motherfuckr. Sumbitch.

Yeah? So what? I been drinkin again but so what? So? I got sum booz in me n then Google searched “Paul Speakr” n u know when the lass time he talked to the surf media was? U know?

21013.

Four whole years ago an to Surfline of all place. SURFLIN! Where they prostitute there photogrpahers.

An this is part of my problm. Saul Peakr.

I wrote a lil thing today and teeeed offf on him n sum people email me n say “lay off!” but he deserve it becaus what the FUCK? Wht the fuck does he thing surfing is? Some big huge thign? Some thing that anybody but US cares about? Fuck that guy! Chickenshit motherfuckr. Sumbitch.

So Im calling you out MR. WLS CEO PAUL SPEAKR!

The ress of the surf media is too damn sissy to say nothing. To demand nothing. Fuck that guy. He ain’t me. He ain’t you. He don surf. He don wanna talk to no surfers.

Paul? U out there?

Why u  don talk to no surfers?

Heres the deal on the table but only sticks  til sundown tomorro.

K?

I promisss to nevr write any shit about u evr again. EVR!

in xchange for 1 innerview.

1

thass it.

thass all.

I tried to go thru normal chanels but u ain’t havin nothing. SO here we stand.

Ar u a chicknshit?

Are you?

P>S>

Ill let u punch me as hard as u want afterward…….4 free.


Let Filipe Toledo's best cuts from 2016 gently intoxicate…  | Photo: WSL/Cestari

Movie: Filipe’s suck and bite bruises!

The best of Filipe Toledo's Jack Russell-ish jams from 2016!

It’s pretty easy to forget, at least when the surf strikes four foot and beyond, that Filipe Toledo is our sepia Apollo. The sweet ferocity of his strikes, the torso whiplashing.

Kolohe Andino likens Filipe to cult leader-killer Charles Manson and says if you’re not “in love with Filipe’s full-rotations, you’re blind!”

Yeah, Filipe runs a little hot and cold, and coldest, mostly, if there’s a little venom in a reefBut he ain’t alone. Do you remember when the then reigning world champ Gabriel Medina had to be cajoled into surfing the Box during 2014’s Margaret River contest? 

But, three foot or thereabouts and is there anyone else who makes you feel so ready to surf with…vigour? 

Want to surf? Want a little inspiration?

Here’s a cut of Filipe’s best Jack Russell-ish jams from the year so far to get you in the mood.


Watch the floater! | Photo: WSL/ Daniel Smorigo

Rio: “Surfing in human crap!”

A new report suggests Rio's ocean is an absolute cesspool. Fun for everyone but especially fun for the surfers who were just there!

First it was the shoddy plumbing/electrical wiring in the Olympic Village and now this! A new report just released by The New York Times, days ahead of the 2016 Olympiad in Rio de Janeiro, says everyone will be bathing, playing and celebrating in human feces. Let’s read!

Health experts have a word of advice for the Olympic marathon swimmers, sailors and windsurfers competing in Rio de Janeiro’s picture-postcard waters next month: Keep your mouth closed

Despite the government’s promises seven years ago to stem the waste that fouls Rio’s expansive Guanabara Bay and the city’s fabled ocean beaches, officials acknowledge that their efforts to treat raw sewage and scoop up household garbage have fallen far short.

In fact, environmentalists and scientists say Rio’s waters are much more contaminated than previously thought.

Recent tests by government and independent scientists revealed a veritable petri dish of pathogens in many of the city’s waters, from rotaviruses that can cause diarrhea and vomiting to drug-resistant “superbacteria” that can be fatal to people with weakened immune systems.

Researchers at the Federal University of Rio also found serious contamination at the upscale beaches of Ipanema and Leblon, where many of the half-million Olympic spectators are expected to frolic between sporting events.

“Foreign athletes will literally be swimming in human crap, and they risk getting sick from all those microorganisms,” said Dr. Daniel Becker, a local pediatrician who works in poor neighborhoods. “It’s sad but also worrisome.”

The best part? Surfing’s own World League just two-ish months ago had the top 40 out in the same water, splashing and celebrating John John’s victory with mouths wide open. Rotaviruses that cause diarrhea and vomiting pouring right in.

Why would WSL CEO Paul Speaker willingly expose his athletes to such unbelievable conditions? Unfettered greed? Necessity born of having no real sponsors? Bad instincts coupled with worse business acumen? A haircut borrowed from his hero Roger Goodell? A spirit borrowed from his other hero Donald J. Trump? An iron fist borrowed from his third favorite hero Angela Merkel? The belief that Kelly Slater makes way north of 20 million dollars each year and could easily fund a clinic that dedicates itself to healing sick surfers?

Why?

Or maybe just surfers are tough and don’t moan like little babies about teeny tiny superbacteria and so when they were told to go just went.

Yes, it has become sport to kick around the Jewel of the South Atlantic but enough already. Rio de Janeiro is an earthly paradise. A heaven that we are lucky to have.

Enough, I shout from the top of Sugarloaf!

Let the people with weak immune systems stay home! You too CEO Paul Speaker. You stay in Santa Monica where, if you did surf, would find the water not quite as bad but also not very good. You stay with all the Google nerds and Snapchat kooks and Venice adjacent Inertia goobs. You just stay in your knock-off Herman Miller Aeron chair, looking out the window and dreaming retard jock dreams.

Take me to Rio city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty!


Wow: The Invisible Surfboard!

Come believe the unbelievable!

Do you remember the invisible board section from Spike Jonze’s 2003 skate film Yeah, Right? I so ain’t skate but this, jammed alongside the John Frusciante instrumental Murderers, sure did throw the sport up a dozen rungs.

(The Owen Wilson carpark cameo had me too.)

At the time, I figured, oowee, won’t be long before we get a surf version. And how right I was!

Thirteen years later, Foster Huntington presents… Floater, surfing’s take on invisible boards. It’s more compelling than you might think. Ryan Burch thrills like nothing else, wouldn’t you say?

Or am I easily impressed?

Watch the invisible board section in Yeah, Right here, for background…

Laugh a little at Owen Wright here.

And see how the invisible board thing applies to surf!