Brad Gerlach
"Everything is so… safe… it's gotta be… what can I do with this wave? How loose and alive can I be on this?"

BeachGrit TV: “How to Game the Tour!”

With the noted surf coach and former world #1 Brad Gerlach!

Three weeks ago, the noted surf coach Brad Gerlach publicly processed his thoughts on Conner Coffin (“technically and intellectually ready to be the best surfer in the world”), Kelly Slater (“He’s fucking shredding!”) and the tendency in pro surfing circles to “work” on your surfing.

The work-play conundrum formed the hub of the piece, even if it was superficially contradictory given Bradley’s work with Conner. Still, it raised a good point. “There’s work and there’s play. What you tend to hear from a lot of these surfers is, ‘I’ve been working really hard.’ Working, working, working, working, working. Have they ever considered that watching someone…work…isn’t that much fun?

Watch that episode here. 

Today, Gerr examines what it takes to game the tour, how it feels to be “surfing better than everybody else at certain spots and knowing it,” the advantage of having an Olympian father from a sport that’s “beautiful, judged, acrobatic, smooth, powerful” as a coach, why the new generation excites the hell out him, how “safe” everything feels and why young surfers, who should be getting better as they grow, actually start to plateau.

“Is it fear?” says Gerr, who posits that competitors are so terrified of not making the quarters, of being relegated to the WQS, of losing a bonus, that it bites into their surfing.

“All that thinking is the worst thing you could be doing,” he says. “The worst!”

So, how…do… you succeed? Watch!

great white

Genius: Man creates yucky surf wax!

A wax so yucky that it might just deter sharks!

You, of course, are aware of Modem’s $250 magnetic anti-shark leash? The one that real science has not proven? The one that steals from wide-eyed children’s pockets much like PowerBalance? The one that will maybe cause Modem to get sued out of existence much like PowerBalance?

Well a wonderful man in South Australia just made something better, cheaper and that might actually work! Let’s read about it in Australia’s ABC News!

Could an organic surfboard wax really repel a great white shark?

The wax, developed by keen surfer Neil Campbell, will be tested off the coast of Port Lincoln next month.

It contains a mixture of herbs and spices which give off a pungent scent which he believes could deter sharks from approaching.

He hopes to further develop the wax blend to “take surfers off the menu”.

“I moved to South Australia in June last year and that presented me with the perennial problem for a surfer — sharks,” Mr Campbell said.

Not convinced by electronic and magnetic aids currently on the market, Mr Campbell fell back on a custom he had as a grommet, lathering his board with tea tree oil and muscle creams.

He then began to research natural animal repellents.

And that was when Chillax was born.

“It’s simply local bees wax, cold-pressed coconut oil, a bunch of essential oils and spices,” Mr Campbell said.

“The essential herbs and spices came about from me researching a range of repellent combinations across a range of species.”

Clove oil, which has been used to euthanase Port Jackson sharks, is one ingredient.

So too are hot peppers — as Mr Campbell said he believed sharks were olfactory predators, meaning they hunt by scent.

And how great is that? I love it!

I also love it because he is actually going to scientifically test it on Neptune Island before marketing it. “We are going to scientifically measure the validity of what has been until now only a good argument…” He says.

Can you even take it? Scientifically measuring something’s validity until proven?

Sign me up today!

And thank you Wincy for the heads up!

An ode to Dane Face!

Dane Reynolds has an iconic face. Will he cash in?

How good is Dane Face though? Do you think he could trademark this look? Do you think he could take out a patent on it?

If other people make this face do you think he could sue them? Do you think he would sue them?

Do you think McDonalds will make a breakfast sandwich with Dane Face emblazoned upon the bun? Will Jack in the Box do it instead and try to beat McDonalds to the punch? Will the Dane Face breakfast sandwich outsell the Egg McMuffin?

Will Dane ever compete on the World Tour again and make Dane Face in post heat interviews or has that ship totally sailed? What if we got to see John John vs. Dane for the next few years? Would JJF smash him or would Dane smash instead?

Either way he would make Dane Face in the post heat interview.

But how good is Dane Face though?

Kelly Slater wins Tahiti Pro
Kelly Slater, who is forty four years old, wins the Tahiti Pro 2016, his 55th event win in a career spanning three decades. | Photo: WSL

Dazzling: Kelly Slater Wins Tahiti Pro!

Combos John John Florence in final!

A few minutes ago, Kelly Slater grabbed the lingering, perhaps final win, of his three-decade career, combo-ing John John Florence in the final of the Tahiti Pro.

Kelly included a 9.77 and a 9.90 in his heat total of 19.67. John John, who suffered a possible knee injury on one wipeout, scored an eight and 7.23 for a combined total of 15.23.

The win propelled forty-four-year-old Kelly eleven places on the tour ratings, from nineteenth to eighth place.

His last three results now include a third, a fifth and a first.

Did you watch the contest? Did you, too, have the sense that Kelly, who has won the Tahiti Pro five times, and who ran a perfect heat in round five against Bruno Santos, was impossible to beat? That this might be his last wonderful gesture?

“I had my hand on this trophy two years (growling)… and I let it go!” said Kelly, afterwards. To the naysayers, he admitted that as a WCT level surfer, y’gotta “be heavily scrutinised.”

As for the fairly ludicrous attempts to drag him into the world title game, “I only have another 18,000 points to catch those guys,” he said wryly.

Let’s examine the highlights!

First the final!

Now see Julian and John John’s quarterfinal here.

Kelly wins the Andy Irons award!

See John John’s road to the final…

And Kelly’s…

1: Kelly Slater (USA) 19.67
2: John John Florence (HAW) 15.23

SF 1: Kelly Slater (USA) 18.40 def. Adrian Buchan (AUS) 16.10
SF 2: John John Florence (HAW) 19.66 def. Gabriel Medina (BRA) 19.23

QF 1: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 18.16 def. Kolohe Andino (USA) 16.00
QF 2: Kelly Slater (USA) 19.27 def. Bruno Santos (BRA) 17.43
QF 3: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 17.90 def. Josh Kerr (AUS) 13.40
QF 4: John John Florence (HAW) 17.34 def. Julian Wilson (AUS) 16.60

Heat 1: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 16.77 def. Jordy Smith (ZAF) 12.60
Heat 2: Kelly Slater (USA) 20.00 def. Keanu Asing (HAW) 14.70
Heat 3: Gabriel Medina (BRA) 15.43 def. Jadson Andre (BRA) 14.33
Heat 4: John John Florence (HAW) 18.30 def. Joel Parkinson (AUS) 15.90

2016 WSL Jeep Leaderboard Top 5 (after Billabong Pro Tahiti):
1. John John Florence (HAW) 39,900 pts
2. Matt Wilkinson (AUS) 36,000 pts
3. Gabriel Medina (BRA) 35,700 pts
4. Adrian Buchan (AUS) 26,200 pts
5. Julian Wilson (AUS) 25,200 pts

WSL: “Thank God for Mormons!”

It is a great day in professional surfing! Kelly vs. JJF in final! Hurry up! Tune in!

And are you watching the World Surf League’s final day right now? It doesn’t get much better. Maybe not any better. 10s are raining down from heaven, from the very pockets of Angel Moroni himself!

Joseph Smith is there smiling. So is Brigham Young!

And are you watching Gabe Medina vs. John John Florence in semi 2? It is near brilliant! They are trading near 10s! TRADING NEAR 10s!

Best heat of all time?


(except how depressed does Pottz sound when Medina gets a 10 and pushes into the lead?)

Yesterday, Jordy Smith and Matt Banting refused to surf, thereby killing the League.

But Joel Parkinson was God’s vehicle to use Mormon power to resurrect the League from the dead! To pluck it from the grave, dust it off and set it upon a shining pedestal! Joel lost to John John this morning because that was also Mormon’s will. Who wants to watch old men when we have supple boys to cheer?

Bring them young!

Except with Medina in the lead it looks like it is going to be Kelly Slater vs. Gabe in the final.

Still brilliant! Still young since Kelly refuses to age!

(Pottz is massively depressed though. Like, maybe suicide watch depressed. He loves JJF.)

No seer stones needed to appreciate this day of professional surfing’s beauty.

And guess what just happened?


Pottz is off suicide watch! JJF takes the lead and will meet Kelly in the final!

Pottz and the WSL will both convert!

They are Latter-Day Saints!

We all are!