It is a Mormon miracle!
Let’s all keep believing in miracles, ok? If you can even imagine… if your crusty heart can wrap around things too majestic for the mind to fully comprehend… then you know that the World Surf League, pronounced dead just hours ago, is alive again and thanks to the Angel Moroni!
Mitt Romney was right! Mitt Romney for President!
So…the WSL was dead, yeah? But then Joel gave us a thrill and what? And how? But if you look at the channel, at the boats, the answer is there.
Three Mormons, in full regalia, bob and pray and bob and adjust their holy undergarments and bob and think about sweet Salt Lake girls who they wanna make lotta babies with and bob and supplicate for us sinners!
Us demanders of entertainment!
Us bastards!
And then the World Surf League rises, brushes off the dirt, coughs, and… and… and… lives!
Joel Parkinson, who I characterized as “less successful” in World Surf League’s obituary, was the catalyst for sweet redemption and thus it was written in 1 Nephi 1:20:
But behold, I, Nephi, will show unto you that the tender mercies of the Lord are over all those whom he hath chosen, because of their faith, to make them mighty even unto the power of deliverance.
I was wrong, so wrong, and Joseph Smith is scolding me atop a pile of virgins in heaven.
Wait. Do Mormons have virgins in heaven? What do they get again? I can’t remember.
Praise the Lord and pass the ammunition!
is a Mormon miracle better than a Protestant miracle?
I think Mormon heaven is BYOV.
Can’t wait for the mormon Expression Session presented by Folgers Decaf before the final tomorrow!
yawn
144,000, that’s what they get. They get the pride and joy of bumping their parents out of heaven by ding donging more doors.
hahahahahaha