WSL: “Thank God for Mormons!”

It is a great day in professional surfing! Kelly vs. JJF in final! Hurry up! Tune in!

And are you watching the World Surf League’s final day right now? It doesn’t get much better. Maybe not any better. 10s are raining down from heaven, from the very pockets of Angel Moroni himself!

Joseph Smith is there smiling. So is Brigham Young!

And are you watching Gabe Medina vs. John John Florence in semi 2? It is near brilliant! They are trading near 10s! TRADING NEAR 10s!

Best heat of all time?

Maybe?

(except how depressed does Pottz sound when Medina gets a 10 and pushes into the lead?)

Yesterday, Jordy Smith and Matt Banting refused to surf, thereby killing the League.

But Joel Parkinson was God’s vehicle to use Mormon power to resurrect the League from the dead! To pluck it from the grave, dust it off and set it upon a shining pedestal! Joel lost to John John this morning because that was also Mormon’s will. Who wants to watch old men when we have supple boys to cheer?

Bring them young!

Except with Medina in the lead it looks like it is going to be Kelly Slater vs. Gabe in the final.

Still brilliant! Still young since Kelly refuses to age!

(Pottz is massively depressed though. Like, maybe suicide watch depressed. He loves JJF.)

No seer stones needed to appreciate this day of professional surfing’s beauty.

And guess what just happened?

GUESS?

Pottz is off suicide watch! JJF takes the lead and will meet Kelly in the final!

Pottz and the WSL will both convert!

They are Latter-Day Saints!

We all are!