The Duke
…Duke (left) and his bro Sam! | Photo: @NYTimes/Bettmaan/Corbis

Culture: The Duke in the NY Times!

And it's hot with racism and interracial sex!

Surfing got history? Yes it do.

And, it’s fitting, since I’m writing this in a hotel room overlooking Kaisers on Oahu’s South Shore, and with a meeting lined up with the man who invented pro surfing, Mr Fred Hemmings in one hour, that the New York Times just posted a story on the goddamned Duke.

It’s a easy read for anyone who recoils at history and, as is the want of The New York Times, is rich with hollers of racism, the essential wickedness of the white devil and shades of gossip.

Did you know Duke was screwing the hell out of white rich lady Doris Duke (interracial sex!) and they probs had a gorgeous little bebe together, who died after one day?

And that, years later, The Duke died while trying to unlock his Rolls Royce?

Let’s read!

White Devils!

With no outward hint of resentment toward those who had seized and subjugated his country, Duke sought and won a place on the American swimming team at the 1912 Olympics in Stockholm, the only Hawaiian present. The Philadelphia Inquirer sportswriter Edgar Forrest Wolfe (who used the pen name Jim Nasium) pronounced Kahanamoku in 1913 “a human fish” and “the greatest swimmer the world of sport has ever seen.”

White devils!

Reflecting the condescension with which Americans of the period viewed Hawaiian culture, Wolfe wrote that Duke had started his career as “one of the brown naked kids” of Honolulu who “swim through the shark infested waters of the harbor in search of silver coins thrown from the docks of the incoming steamer.”
As a Hawaiian, he was not immune from racial prejudice. Arriving once with fellow swimmers at a restaurant in Lake Arrowhead, Calif., he was told, “We don’t serve Negroes.”
Movie star!

Moving to Southern California, Kahanamoku leveraged his fame to play in more than two dozen Hollywood films, as a pirate, bodyguard, soldier, Sioux Indian, Turk, Hindu, Persian, South Sea Islander and other minor characters. (His final on-screen performance was as a native chief in “Mr. Roberts” (1955), starring Henry Fonda and Jack Lemmon.)

Called the “King of all Swimmers,” Duke used his réclame to help weave the ancient art of surfing — little known outside the islands, and fading even there at the time — into mainland United States popular culture. “You are rewarded with a feeling of complete freedom and independence while rocketing across the face of a wave,” Duke explained in his autobiography.

Screwing Doris! 

In the late 1930s, the sheriff fell under the spell of the tobacco heiress Doris Duke, who was building an estate called Shangri La (now a museum) near Diamond Head. In July 1940, she gave birth to a daughter named Arden, who died one day later. Several biographers have argued that the baby was almost certainly Kahanamoku’s.

Three weeks after the birth, his timing perhaps provoked by dread of a public scandal, Kahanamoku married Nadine Alexander, a Cleveland-born dance teacher at the Royal Hawaiian Hotel. Doris Duke reportedly lent or gave the newlyweds about $12,000 (now over $200,000), which they used to purchase a house not far from her own.
Dies next to his Rolls Royce!

Although never preoccupied by celebrity or fortune, Duke began lending his name for modest profit to surfing teams, competitions and equipment. One promoter gave him a Rolls-Royce with a surfboard rack on the roof. In January 1968, outside the Waikiki Yacht Club, he was looking for its keys when he was stricken by a fatal heart attack.

Read what’s left of the story here! 

Baby, shoot for the stars!

Is there anything wrong with beauty? With gorgeousness? I say, "No!" And, "Hell no!"

Have you been watching the Olympics? In Rio de Janeiro? Such charm! Such fun! Such inspiration! There is a story every single event, it seems, that reaches right down the throat, over to the heart and starts plucking those strings.

The magnificent Simone Manuel, for example, became the first black woman to ever win a swimming gold when she shocked the world in the 100 free. Kayla Harrison made history by winning her second judo gold in as many Olympics before shit talking UFC.

“I don’t know if I’m cut out for a world where you get fights based on how pretty you are and how much you talk, not necessarily what you’ve done in the ring.”

So powerful! Such emotion!

But, if I’m going to be honest, as the father of a very pretty daughter I get ruffled when people denigrate “pretty.”

“What is wrong with gorgeousness?” I ask myself. “What’s so bad about perfect facial symmetry and a caramely tan?”

And I look to men like Tony Ray for my own inspiration. Fathers of daughters with perfect facial symmetry and carmely tans.

Do you remember Tony Ray? The wonderful big wave surfer? Let’s refresh with Matt Warshaw’s Encyclopedia of Surfing!

Unassuming big-wave rider from Torquay, Victoria, Australia, described by surf journalist Steve Hawk as the “Forrest Gump of giant waves”; world-ranked #11 in 1992, and runner-up in the 1999 and 2002 editions of the Quiksilver in Memory of Eddie Aikau contest at Waimea Bay.

Ray was born (1965) in Torquay, moved with his family to Coolangatta, Queensland, in 1970, and began surfing at age seven. In 1983—five years after moving back to Torquay—Ray placed third in the juniors division of the Australian National Titles; the following year he was runner-up in the men’s division to future world tour powerhouse Gary Elkerton.

The slender-framed Ray was a function-first surfer, with little concern for the nicities of style, and a great natural instinct for the tube. He won his only world tour event in 1992, beating future world champion Kelly Slater at the Lacanau Pro in France. After retiring from the tour after the 1995 season, Ray began to concentrate on big-waves, and quickly developed a fearless, almost laconic approach to both paddle-in and tow-in riding.

A slender frame is a wonderful thing to pass to a daughter. And let’s look at Tony’s famous one, Sahara Ray! She has been in the news lately because she is maybe Justin Bieber new girlfriend.

The Daily Mail says:

She’s the Australian bikini model romantically linked to Justin Bieber. And Sahara Ray fuelled rumours she’s more than just friends with the pop star after going TOPLESS during their holiday in Hawaii.

She displayed plenty of sideboob in a racy Instagram snap posted shortly after being spotted with Justin and a group of friends. In the photo shared on Wednesday, Sahara partially exposed her breasts while posing outdoors by a idyllic waterfall scene.The swimwear designer flaunted her busty assets and shapely derrière after stripping down to a pair of skimpy white bottoms

She also appeared to embrace the local culture by wearing a colourful floral wreath around her head while crouched on a rock. Meanwhile, Sahara’s platinum blonde hair fell loosely over her back as she cast a provocative gaze at the camera.

Screen Shot 2016-08-12 at 8.34.38 AM

As good as gold in my book. Maybe even better. I am thinking about starting an exclusive club for fathers of beautiful daughters/fathers who hope their daughters have the chops to become models/socialites.

It will probably be called The Superlative Genetics Club feat. Fathers and their Unashamedly Beautiful Daughters (by invite only)™

Laird Hamilton
To an urban princess, the use of slippers-flip-flops-thongs with jeans and shirt is a mixed metaphor. To a Hawaiian, it's biz as usual…  | Photo: GQ

GQ Skewers Laird Hamilton!

"Don't make this ultimate summer airport style mistake!" warns magazine.

In a worldwide email blast several minutes ago, the arbiter of American style, GQ magazine, headlined Laird Hamilton thus: Don’t Make This Ultimate Airport Style Mistake. 

Do you find this particularly cruel, given Mr Hamilton has never claimed to be anything but a robust big-wave stud whose body is best viewed naked? 

The story begins…

Summer’s most beguiling fantasy is that when it’s this hot out, the sartorial rules we follow in cooler climes can go right out the window. In particularly oppressive heat, even the most stylish men can be tempted to throw caution to the wind (if they can find any wind, that is) and break every regulation that keeps guys looking reasonably good during the rest of the year.

This is the fate that has befallen iconic surfer Laird Hamilton.

The wave-chasing fashion designer was spotted at Los Angeles International Airport on Friday wearing a black shirt and dark jeans, items that would suggest he couldn’t have been feeling that warm. But his footwear, a pair of brown leather flip-flops, told a different story: that the man literally needed to cool his heels.

Never mind that he’s sending the fashion equivalent of a mixed metaphor; no matter what time of year it is, flip-flops are best used sparingly, like paprika. There’s even a handy list of places on where you can wear them (you’re welcome), and spoiler alert: Airports aren’t on it.

Want to read the rest and afterward click to a link to the “sexiest secret beach in Jamaica?” Hit this button!

Spring Breakers

Parker: “I’m looking for a hot three-way!

Boy, girl. It don't matter! It's 2016, anything goes!

Packed and ready to go. Back in three weeks. Nicaragua for fun, then to BI for a freedive comp. Will be sending in dispatches from the road. Frequency yet to be determined. Maybe I’ll find inspirado. Maybe I’ll spend the entire time out of my mind. Keeping my options open.

Got a goal this trip.

Gonna find a girl to go on a date with the wife and me. Like, court her as a team.  Probably a her. But who can say? It’s 2016, anything goes. I’m an open-minded man.

It’ll be weird. Super awkward. The wife isn’t really into it. Still game nonetheless.

It’s not a sexual thing.  Not totally. Won’t turn it down should circumstances sway that way. But that ain’t the goal.

Looking to rekindle that sickly nervousness I haven’t felt in forever. Does she like me? Am I making a good impression? Should I hold her hand?

Dragging the ball and chain along helps. Could feel her anxiety when I pitched the idea. It bleeds over. I feel it too. That’s what I’m looking for. This might be a fetish.

Maybe I’ll strike it rich. Find myself a sexy young thing. Ship her to Kauai. Install her in the guest room. Teach her learn about bad decisions. Wait for the inevitable disaster. A very bad idea I want to pursue.

More likely I’ll come off like some old drunken chicken hawk. I’m okay with that.

Watch out world! Here comes trouble!
Want two days of getting sprayed by Slater in his pool? Who doesn't!

Win: Two days at Kelly Slater’s Pool!

Two days, two nights (and bonfires) at Slater's Lemoore Surf Ranch!

Don’t this just get more and more Willy Wonka-ish every day. As announced by the WSL half-an-hour or so ago, Kelly Slater is going to throw open the door, for two surf fans, to ride his pool.

“One winner and their guest will experience two days and two nights of perfect waves, BBQ’s and bonfires with Kelly and his closest friends at Kelly Slater Wave Company’s Surf Ranch in Lemoore, California.”

How do you get a piece?

“Fans can enter for the chance to win their golden ticket to surf Kelly’s exclusive wave for as little as $10 through Omaze. Funds raised benefit WSL PURE, the philanthropic initiative of the World Surf League, dedicated to supporting ocean health through the key areas of research, education and advocacy. Every donation gives you a chance to hang with the greatest surfer of all time, while supporting critical efforts to help heal the world’s oceans.”

“‘I’ve had more requests than any one person can field or imagine about the Surf Ranch,” said 11-time World Champion Kelly Slater. ‘I am excited to be giving away the chance of a lifetime to whoever wins these tickets. I’m inviting a few pros to join us.  So the winner will get to come hang at Surf Ranch for a few days and share waves and get tips from some of the best surfers in the world.'”

Screen Shot 2016-08-11 at 6.57.41 am

WSL Pure, meanwhile, is the “the philanthropic arm of the World Surf League, WSL PURE is a nonprofit that’s dedicated to improving the health of the planet’s oceans — a cause relevant to all of us.”

Still not convinced?

And when the sun goes down, the party keeps going with bonfires, jam sessions and more with Kelly and his friends. Flights and lodging included.”


Enter the game here.  No super hurry, either. Entries close September 12.