Or the damned Southern Cross if you are a no good convict!
Oh I know that I’m supposed to be so anti-Olympic because surfing is NOT a sport it is a LIFESTYLE but I am, in my heart, thrilled THRILLED that we will be marching in Tokyo. Because, like, USA! USA! USA!
And maybe it is my problem with the World Surf League. I can’t for the life of me seriously cheer for Kolohe Andino or Kanoa Igarashi or Dane Reynolds or any other individual on the World Surf League Championship Tour. Men who do are closeted pedophiles.
(I’m looking at anyone over 18 who has purchased a WSL surf jersey)
But I CAN cheer for country. For AMERICA! And I know that you cheer Australia, New Zealand, Brazil, etc.
So how much fun are we going to have in 2020? The message boards will be tinged with xenophobia and if Donald J. Trump in my president then nuclear war may be a very real option! We will bring real grit to our discussions, real passion. Paixao! We can discuss the nuances of British surfing (ha!) and the strengths of the Spanish (double ha!).
Who will surf for Mexico? For Fiji? For Tahiti?
Will it make Hawaii take separation seriously for the first time since the islands were annexed? Will Rory Parker have a major dilemma on his hands?
Goddamn I love nationalism.
Look at WSL CEO Paul Speaker trying to chime in on someone else’s accomplishment! What a total asshat! Paul? Are you there? Do you want to talk with me yet? Fucking goober kook? NFL shit bag?
“Congratulations to ISA President, Fernando Aguerre, and the ISA on their successful bid to have the sport included in the Tokyo 2020 Olympic Games,” said Paul Speaker, CEO of the World Surf League (WSL), the globally recognized home of professional surfing
Globally recognized. Globally. Yeah.