Kelly Slater
Oversized bag charges are a seventy mill a year scam by Hawaiian Airlines, says Kelly Slater… 

Blood Feud: Slater, Hurley, Ho v Hawaiian!

Hawaiian Air's oversized baggage charges a $70 mill a year scam, says Slater… 

I doubt if there’s a condition more likely to send a surfer into an irrational fever than an airline’s surfboard policy.

You want to know before you go?

Click here for a comprehensive list of charges etc. 

This was emphasised today when the noted surfboard shaper and surf industry titan, Mr Bob Hurley, yeah, the same name you’re wearing on those lightweight pinched-hip trunks, had a falling out with Hawaiian Airlines.

Kelly Slater and Mason Ho were also quick to damn the airline.

Hurley announced to his 21k followers (for 400-ish likes):

I get happy when I see this logo. I love @hawaiianirlines BUT, recently had a horrible experience. Normally airlines charge extra for surfboards. We all expect it. Had three small boards in a 23 pound bag. They only allow two… even itty bitty ones. Was told in Honolulu that it’s not possible to put them on the plane. I offered to pay extra. Not possible says the manager. “Two is da rule.” 

I said, “It’s possible. I travel  ton and weight is the litmus test… she said this one time she would do me a favour… let me pay for two bags although it was one and she would look the other way… when I said… BUT… I felt like I might get arrested. Super bad vibes… Not another word… I know a lotta surfers that will no longer fly Hawaiian. I would be so happy to help with a practicable and profitable policy… but they have not asked. 

So sad for me. 

I don’t like doing stuff like this but I reached out to Hawaiian and they ignored me. Such a bum out. 

Be careful cause you will get busted for being smart and honest. #dontflyhawaiianairlines.

Kelly Slater, whom Hurley tagged, duly lit up on Hawaiian to his one-point seven million followers (a disappointing 4500-ish likes).

“Yep Hawaiian air is blownnnnnnnnnnn. To get my 3 boards on the plane I had to pay extra and tell them I shaped the boards myself in a art class in school.”

“This topic just baffles me… @hawaiianairlines should rectify their policy. It’s ridiculous and a default profit racket. They made over $70M last year in oversize/overweight baggage charges.”

Mason Ho was similarly outraged, if more poetic.

“Yep Hawaiian air is blownnnnnnnnnnn. To get my 3 boards on the plane I had to pay extra and tell them I shaped the boards myself in a art class in school.” 

Three hundred other people announced similar tales of woe involving Hawaiian Airlines although @fowhygundie had a more humanist take: “@kellyslater sorry that happened. I’m sure they were just doing their job. By posting this you are also putting thousands of local jobs at risk.”

What’s your take?

Are you, like me, perplexed that Bob Hurley, who sold his eponymous brand to Nike in 2002, doesn’t fly private?


Mason Ho Padang
Hard to fault a contest with six-foot tubes and an invite list that includes Mason Ho (here), Damo Hobgood, Clay Marzo and Bruce Irons. What makes it even better? The superbly named Mega Semahdi beat 'em all! | Photo: Rip Curl

Compare: Padang Cup V US Open!

What do you prefer, tube wrangling or whoring at the trough?

Whoo-ee! Yesterday’s event at double Padang was something else.

Barrels galore. Mason Ho’s wave riding genius. Bruce Irons on a ten-point drainer. An event sponsor that used slave labor to make it’s products. They don’t anymore though. Or they don’t think they do. Can’t be sure, really, when you’re chasing down the cheapest labor possible.

No big deal. Just issue an “oopsie doodle” press release and move on. No one really cares.

Good things about the comp:

Tons of local surfers. One of them won it! Mega Semadhi smoked a field of killers in world-class surf. Quite the notch on the bed post.

Good waves. I forgot that contests could have those. Powers that be pimp the shit out of the US Open. This one here’s a standalone exhibition.

Great commentary. I don’t know who most of the Aussie yammer heads were, but I liked their deal. Way better than the big stage corpo boys. And the ever effervescent Dave Wassel did his part. I love him so. My wife says she reminds him of a cross between Huell Howser and Mr Peanutbutter. Which I’m fairly sure was meant as a compliment.

Good waves. I forgot that contests could have those. Powers that be pimp the shit out of the US Open. This one here’s a standalone exhibition.

Bad things about the comp:

Poor production values. Not a big deal, still plenty good. But I would’ve loved a channel cam.

In-stream commercials. My ad-blocker can’t do shit about those. Clever people working for Rip Curl. WSL still hasn’t figured that shit out.

“Having joined forces with the WSL as an officially sanctioned specialty event, the 2016 Rip Curl Cup will feature the most exclusive field in event history…”

If Rip Curl paid the sanctioning fee they’re a bunch of fools. Not a single current ‘CT competitor on the roster. Because they were all busy scrapping for money in Southern California like a bunch of whores at the trough.

2016 Rip Curl Cup Final Results: 

1. Mega Semadhi (IND) 19.00
2. Damien Hobgood (USA)16.60
3. Mason Ho (HAW)15.50
4. Clay Marzo (HAW) 4.00

Watch the whole six hours of it here!


Opinion: “Whiny surf mags like porn STDs!”

Has the surf media gotten too grouchy?

I was having a conversation yesterday with a wonderful friend and filmmaker, Tate MacDowell when he says:

What’s up with these whiny, hypocritical surf mags. Every time I pick one up I feel like isn’t even fun or they’re telling me not to do shit. Seriously, I just got the latest Stab, Surfing and Surfer and they were all bitching about Instagram and locations being blown out. Don’t they understand I’m trying to get my stoke on with this rag? It’s like picking up a porno and reading a bunch of articles about how STD’s are hurting the industry. Fuck off! I’m obviously not getting laid if I’m reading this!

And I think:

Wow totally.

Do you think surf media has gotten too grouchy? I think it has. But the opposite of grouchy is cheese-faced Inertia. What is the middle ground? Help me help you!

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Mick Fanning shark
The piece starts with a bunch of nerds holding up full color computer printouts. One of them is wearing a super lame little necklace. They take turns making statements. I don't know who any of them are. Possibly their presence it's supposed to lend weight to the following segment?

“Worst 37 seconds of Fanning’s life!”

Can we start calling Mick's "attack" something else?

Can we start calling Mick’s “attack” something else? I’m sure it was scary as hell, rattled his cage good and hard. Shed some adrenaline dump tears post heat.

But he wasn’t attacked. He was bumped.

If you stepped out into the road without looking and a truck rolled by, missing by inches, you wouldn’t say you’ve been hit by a car. Because you’d look like a huge pussy. Life’s full of near misses, you’ve gotta sack up and move along.

Which is exactly what he did. Back in the water, back on with his life. He talks about it, sure. Probably the first question every lazy journalist asks.

If you stepped out into the road without looking and a truck rolled by, missing by inches, you wouldn’t say you’ve been hit by a car. Because you’d look like a huge pussy. Life’s full of near misses, you’ve gotta sack up and move along.

It’s gotta be weird, to work so hard at something your entire life then be catapulted to fame by a random encounter. If I were Mick I’d say, “Enough of the shark talk, ya’ cunts.” Or something similarly Australian.

At the same time, the real world doesn’t much about surfing. That bump came with killer exposure. That’s really what Mick’s job is, staying in the public eye. He does it well. One of the very best.

The piece starts with a bunch of nerds holding up full color computer printouts. One of them is wearing a super lame little necklace. They take turns making statements. I don’t know who any of them are. Possibly their presence it’s supposed to lend weight to the following segment?

It plays as though the bump were one of the most traumatic events in Fanning’s life. I don’t believe that. Mick’s made of sterner stuff. Shaken, but not stirred.

Losing two brothers is heavy. I’ve got two baby bros of my own. It’d be hard to lose them.

His mom’s a good presence. Delivers a very real line.

“I just could not believe that this was actually happening. I thought, ‘Oh my god, the universe can’t be this cruel.’ And, uh, I can’t lose another boy.”

Beyond that, there’s nothing new here. It’s justa glimpse of Fanning’s early life, his tribulations set to swelling music, overlayed with an insurance commercial voice over. Not a single glimpse of what makes him a human.


Kita Alexander baby
Chanteuse, gal pal of O Wright and now… mammy!

Owen Wright’s Gonna Be a Daddy!

Wiped from the tour. Barely able to surf. But, now, a baby with pop star girlfriend!

What a wild old ride Owen Wright has been on this year. After what was officially mandated as a surf-related brain injury at Pipeline in December, Owen pulled out of the first six events of 2016.

One month later, it was reported,

“Serious concerns surround the health of 2015 surfing world title contender, Owen Wright. Fears that Wright is still having trouble speaking and even standing have spread throughout tight-lipped surfing community…revealed he was still struggling with amnesia just last week.”

In February, Owen looked fragile as hell as he embraced his sister Tyler after she won the gal’s event at Snapper.

And two weeks ago, the rest of Owen’s 2016 WSL season was officially wiped.

So, now, after everything, ain’t it something to hear that his pop star girlfriend Kita Alexander is laden with child.

“I’ve gone through some really challenging life experiences this year but the most amazingly beautiful thing has come out of it,” says Owen, alongside his pregnant girl (on his IG account @owright). “Enjoying every moment but the future couldn’t look any better.”

Ms Alexander, in case you didn’t know, is the chanteuse whose (hit) songs have the easy temper of a warm summer’s day.

She surfs too!

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Watch her wonderful song My Own Way, here…