Can we start calling Mick's "attack" something else?

Can we start calling Mick’s “attack” something else? I’m sure it was scary as hell, rattled his cage good and hard. Shed some adrenaline dump tears post heat.

But he wasn’t attacked. He was bumped.

If you stepped out into the road without looking and a truck rolled by, missing by inches, you wouldn’t say you’ve been hit by a car. Because you’d look like a huge pussy. Life’s full of near misses, you’ve gotta sack up and move along.

Which is exactly what he did. Back in the water, back on with his life. He talks about it, sure. Probably the first question every lazy journalist asks.

If you stepped out into the road without looking and a truck rolled by, missing by inches, you wouldn’t say you’ve been hit by a car. Because you’d look like a huge pussy. Life’s full of near misses, you’ve gotta sack up and move along.

It’s gotta be weird, to work so hard at something your entire life then be catapulted to fame by a random encounter. If I were Mick I’d say, “Enough of the shark talk, ya’ cunts.” Or something similarly Australian.

At the same time, the real world doesn’t much about surfing. That bump came with killer exposure. That’s really what Mick’s job is, staying in the public eye. He does it well. One of the very best.

The piece starts with a bunch of nerds holding up full color computer printouts. One of them is wearing a super lame little necklace. They take turns making statements. I don’t know who any of them are. Possibly their presence it’s supposed to lend weight to the following segment?

It plays as though the bump were one of the most traumatic events in Fanning’s life. I don’t believe that. Mick’s made of sterner stuff. Shaken, but not stirred.

Losing two brothers is heavy. I’ve got two baby bros of my own. It’d be hard to lose them.

His mom’s a good presence. Delivers a very real line.

“I just could not believe that this was actually happening. I thought, ‘Oh my god, the universe can’t be this cruel.’ And, uh, I can’t lose another boy.”

Beyond that, there’s nothing new here. It’s justa glimpse of Fanning’s early life, his tribulations set to swelling music, overlayed with an insurance commercial voice over. Not a single glimpse of what makes him a human.