Quits the WSL commentary team to allegedly coach John John Florence!
But who is your favorite on air surf commentator? Is it Rawn “Dawg” Blakey and his rolling Australian baritone? And the way he looks twice as smart as everyone around him by having a barely below average IQ? Or is it his frenemy Joe “Sizzurp” Turpel with his little jams? What about Pottz? Do you love South African raw? And by “South African raw” I mean… you know what I mean. Or Ross Williams? The best thing to happen to the booth since little jams!
But hold the phone! Wait just one moment (cocaine)! A rumor has just floated into my ears, and your ears if you happen to listen to the best surf podcast around (Surf Splendor) that Ross Williams is leaving the booth!
He is allegedly packing his knapsack to…..
….drum roll…
…….. roll…………
drum…………….
……………………………roll….
..THEORETICALLY COACH JOHN JOHN FLORENCE!
Now why does John John Florence need a coach you might ask. And I would answer why does Donald J. Trump need Michael Flynn and Jeff Sessions.
UNDUE INFLUENCE!
In truth, I’m sure that Ross Williams has a wonderful relationship with all the judges having traveled, lived, dined, slept with them for the last two years. Oh don’t be so daft. He didn’t SLEEP with them but, you know, shared accommodations with them and knows them very well and could tell them to bump John John’s score just a touch…
…but why would he need to do that? John John Florence is the defending world champ without Ross Williams. He is the best surfer in the entire world all by hisself.
With Ross Williams he will be an unstoppable force. Are you ready to fall Ke11y?
And what do you think? Do you think that John Ross will be the greatest coupling since…
Bound to happen after their mushroom tugging contest in their hotel room in Bali. Things began to get weird on the set when Turpel would stare longingly across the desk at Ross and make BJ gestures during commercial breaks.
I’ll allow anyone to leave as long as Wassel never gets hold of a mic again.
Touche
… yourself?
Always!
Giggs was activated for 2017 commentary, Ross immediately threw in the towel?
jeez, my first thought at title of story was how sad but you somehow made it palatable. What’s his salary now that he’s a derivative.
General Mike Flynn surfed and skated for me at WATERBROTHERS back in Da Day He actually rips
BeachGrit Surf Trip! Chris Ward, Craig Anderson, and General Mike Flynn!!
And Drouyn!
YEAH NICK
Here’s an idea: how about someone call Ross and asks him for a couple thoughts on the subject? Or is that fucking journalism stuff getting in the way again?
My friend…we do a lot of things here. Journalism-ing ain’t one of ’em.
have to make way for Kelly on the commentary team?
We love Ross but he probably wants to pay his bills and make more than minimum wage. Took them this long to realize mainstream bumfuck America isn’t watching the webcast and all.
Isn’t Ross rich/comfortable from property development on the north shore. Someone could confirm?
Who is tied into the coconut wireless these days?
Turpel loves his tube “vision”.
All respect due to Ross as an incredible surfer, a super nice person and a responsible family man, but did he win any events when he was on tour?
Did Glenn Hall?
See my comment above to negatron.
glen hall is very cute though. the trainee only has to pay child fare to bring him along. win-win!
Reef girls. Providing young lads yank material far superior to the penny’s catalog since as long as I can remember. Exotic bubble booties never go out of style!
Oh man the babe on the left of screen…
Training! Classic, Ha! Probably lube up their throats with Kelly’s potential offspring before each broadcast, but yes, let’s stay positive. Ross the boss will sorely be missed by yours truly.
The departure and theoretical JJF coach has two-fold reasoning:
1.) Ross drew a line in the proverbial sand when upper management demanded the commentators say “King Queen”, “The Obsessed”, “New Dream” and “Ready to Strike” at least 11 times (Ke11y) every heat; and secondly
2.) Ross will remind JJF that the “Queen” part in “King Queen” is to motivate him to not be a pussy king.
On a side note, sources have indicated Pottz is fired up to add the new ad campaign labels to his commentating vernacular.
“I like fullfy-haired chicks.”
If I never have to hear, “We’re watching history unfold, in front of our eyes” again, I’m ok with the Ross/loss. How could Ross’s coaching keep up with the likes of Bede?
Ross may be a even better Coach than Bede. Hopefully we’ll find out!
What would be your theory for that? I think great coaches are made of either two sets of qualities: 1) Great competitive strategies but lesser talent (Glenn Hall) 2) Above average talent but even greater strategies lead to their success as competitors (Bede and perhaps an Ace Buchanan type). But I always wonder why a surfer like Ross (world champion caliber talent) never won a single professional contest on any level? What I’ve observed from other sports is that the most talented athletes don’t usually transfer to being the best coaches. They relied on raw talent to get by and not necessarily strategies. Do your own research and you may or may not agree.
i disagree.
of course, i have no research to back this up.
also, global warming is a chinese hoax.
Ross was never World Champion Calibre talent
Disagree, he has as much natural talent as any of his peers with the except of Kelly. Too bad there weren’t any CT events at Haleiwa.
You’re high. If you can cite one venue besides shithouse Brazil shorey where Ross, outside of a jersey would’ve not been near the best in the water I’d like to hear it.
My theory is that Ross may be an even better coach than Bede. Sorry but it’s the weekend…
The main ingredient in any sharp coach aside from intelligence is empathy – an ability to relate to and understand another person and to be of service to that person. Not a soggy SUP-yoga empathy but something a bit more sure-footed and discerning – adult perhaps. I think a large percentage of mega-successful athletes just don’t have that quality, indeed they have fine-tuned the opposite, turning their native capacity for empathy into a sort of ruthlessness with which they exploit weaknesses in others. And a lot of very talented yet undisciplined athletes don’t have either empathy or its opposite, they’re sorta stuck in a permanent early adolescence.
Only two other dude’s paying attention to what this man is saying.. “And a lot of very talented yet undisciplined athletes don’t have either empathy or its opposite, they’re sorta stuck in a permanent early adolescence.”
Agree. Please see: Mike Singletary.
Umm umm JJF had a fair bit of coaching assistance last year from one B Durbidge. Who is no longer available what with the competing thing and all.
Perhaps ol’ Buckeye is just sniffing the employment wind.
Thanks for stealing my fire, Nick. I meant to finish that sentence with …..John Bede? but got stuck back on cocaine. It’s killing me!
don’t make me your enabler you disgusting man!! I’ve had enough of being an enabler!
Ha!
hopefully false. we need ross’ modern age know-how to combat pottz’ oldmannyness
Absolutely, Zoro! Ross and Ronny are the only two that don’t lead a pacifist to ultraviolence.
idk about you guys but i fuckin love gigs
Hopefully true, JJ needs a fresh little edge to not fall into the sophomore slump. I possibly see back to back titles on the horizon.
Going to be the toughest title for whoever wins it. A motivated last hurrah Slater. As much as I despise Gabe, he was two bad judging scores away from winning the title himself. And Mick surfed only four events and beat half the tour at year’s end. If Filipe grows a pair, Jordy learns how to surf big lefts and Owen is back to form – Wow. Gonna be a doozy.
jordy.
big lefts.
hahahahhahah
your optimism knows no bounds!
If Filipe stays healthy, ankle and all …