Keep surfing on tour Kelly Slater!
I’d be the second person, after my ex-wife, to tell you that I am not perfect. I sometimes make mistakes. Sometimes speak without really thinking. Sometimes forget to weigh all the possibilities in a scenario. Sometimes get re-married before being officially divorced thus getting to be, all too briefly, a fabulous bigamist.
Or like this morning, I wrote a bit about how age catches us all and it seems like it might have just caught Kelly Slater, a man who appeared to defy those very odds. I wondered if it was time for him to figure some thing to do with his time other than get embarrassed by young boys.
But thank God for you. Because when I do make mistakes you are there to gently correct. To set me back on the correct path and this morning my dear Negatron did just that. In the comments underneath the Kelly Get Lost bit he wrote…
Kelly phase 2, please…. quits competing, stays on tour as a total boss… commentating, interviewing, scaffolding supervisor… hopefully turning up two weeks early and staying on a week post comp, dropping edits and embarrassing tour surfers with his performances for another decade {or two}
No disrespect, but he reminds me of a scarf wearing middle aged man driving a champagne coloured convertible Porsche. Sure, it’s the fastest car when the lights go green, but Dude, the colour! and that flowing scarf?
A scarf wearing middle aged man driving a champagne coloured convertible Porsche? There is, honestly, no aesthetic vision that appeals to me more. That, and precisely that, is what I will someday be (maybe in five years fingers crossed on book sales etc.).
Thank you Negs. Thank you for setting me straight.
And Kelly? Stay right where you are, gorgeous!
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As long as it runs on hog excrement!
Chas is a total Miata guy
It’s funny after i typed this I watched this: http://www.worldsurfleague….
EXACTLY what im talking about. watch Stuey’s wave at 00:30 and how the board is reacting to the movement of water and then watch Pupo’s board right after it. It’s not that stuey can’t shred, it’s that the board is literally coming unglued from the water. Same thing happened to him last year at Bell’s, stopping all his momentum.
This isn’t Slate hate. The board just look shit in anything other than perfect snapper.
Pro surfing careers are horribly short (unlike plumbing). Get what you can before being bundled up and sent off to start a struggling surf school, ill-fated surf brand or hard goods distribution.
Imagine if he wore a Defend Hawaii T’Shirt!
“No disrespect, but he reminds me of a scarf wearing middle aged man driving a champagne coloured convertible Porsche.” Now everytime I listen to The Smith’s “This Charming Man” I’m going to be picturing Kelly Slater picking up a stranded Morrissey.
He could get some tips on becoming a vegan!
hows the hawaiian bong den couch they are transporting across the globe to use as the studio base.
Was distracted by Rondogs unconvincing exposition on quokkas, but now that you mention it, there’s a remarkably similar couch in most low rent coastal houses on the east coast of oz.
Flip’n’fuck™
Can’t you just trade your current Porsche in for a Champagne one? We all know you have a scarf at the ready. Let’s get this done.
No! Nothing is that easy and you know it….. what I really hope for is a champagne Porsche 914…
Honest questions: Burberry scarves – too gauche?
Never.
Phew…
Offset by snap pants
2.0 , fun car to drive
I know you love the Coffey family Chas. Have Billabong have dropped the whole clan?
That’d b the best business move billabong has done in a few years
No, you were not wrong. I don’t know how it is possible, but i dislike that dude more every time i see his face. His arrogance is unparalleled. And now that he has this fucking man-made wave, everyone wants to suck his little weiner, and they are going to. That shit he pulled with alex grey was so pathetic. Like a little insecure 7 year-old, “your not invited to my party” bullshit. Narcissistic douche bags are the absolute worst.
i don’t know why but i can’t stop chuckling about this beautiful sentence:
“And now that he has this fucking man-made wave, everyone wants to suck his little weiner”
I can honestly say (surprisingly) that that is the first time I’ve ever thought about The Kings wiener.
He has one?
People call him the Goat, but rumour has it “Horse” is a better fit.
Maybe? Who knows!
Kelly Slater blocked me from his Insta for simply calling him “The Oprah Winfrey of Surfing.”
I’d up-vote this, but out of fear of Kelly blocking me I shall refrain.
“It is better to be feared than loved, if you cannot be both.” – Machiavelli (Niccolo, not Tupac) on kings.
But for god sake how can we get Kellz off those chattery ass, thai made foam coolers – we get it Kellz, you can ride just about anything. Doesn’t mean you should though. Sink a rail for chrissake!
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
He’s supposed to be the advert for those boards on a global scale (when i say global I mean about 2,096 people are actually watching but hey ho) and they look horrendous. I’d buy one to smash to bits for a laugh rather than go anywhere near the surf on.