Watch: Bruno Santos Is My Hero!

The man has it all!

We can’t all be John John. Most of us can’t even be Cheyne Magnusson. But if I could be one surfer, any surfer at all, it’d have to be Brazil’s Bruno Santos.

Y’see, Bruno’s got it made. Family man, tube fiend, world traveler on Rip Curl’s dime. There’s no pressure on contest results (though he wins the Teahupo’o trials like… every year, and even dominated the whole event once), nor is there need to launch himself off ankle-breaking sections. The big tube gig can be very scary, true, but when you’ve got the best technique in the biz it’s child’s play!

For the self-help type, Bruno’s tube mastery can be achieved with this simple eight-step system: Feet flat, bend at the knees, ride on the middle of the board lengthwise, but feet slightly toward the inside rail, don’t blink, head and weight centered, arms point towards the channel, fart for exit speed.

Watch as Bruno completely embarrasses Guillermo Satt at a few anonymous ocean slabs, in this installment of The Search. If Bruno’s technical ability and general derring-do don’t get you off, try tightening that belt a bit! If your face hasn’t achieved a hint of periwinkle, it can hardly be called auto-erotic.