The last words of the world's greatest surf book have just been laid down.
Have you ever written a book? Have you ever written a fucking book? Let me tell you right now, if you have not then don’t. Trust me and thank me later. I am almost done with my second. My first, Welcome to Paradise, Now Go to Hell is currently ranked the 53 best book in Amazon’s Books> Sports & Outdoors > Outdoor Recreation > Surfing category. If you go on and buy one right now you can probably kick it up to 5. I think that’s how few people buy surf books which is why I wrote another.
My back aches, my skin is a sickly shade of alcohol pale. My eyes. They burn and don’t focus anymore. I’m getting glasses soon.
But I am almost done. Just hundreds of hours of editing, changing, adding, subtracting, re-writing left. Maybe even thousands of hours. How many hours til May 1st?
Ugh.
But I just wrote the last word and I think it will stick. Would you like to know what it is? A little sneak peek? Hell, we’re family! I’ll give you the whole last paragraph!
The road is mostly empty and the sunset is straight from God’s brush, all manner of orange, pink, red, fire, passion, glory. I sit on a wooden bench, pull the Stella Artois out of my pocket, reach down, pull off one of my Reef’s Mick Fanning beer bottle opening sandals and pop its cap. It tastes good. Refreshing. Washing away the last remnants of my life’s total failure. Until I taste the distinct and unmistakable bang of dog shit and think, “Shit.”
See you at the motherfucking Pulitzer Prize awards’ ceremony.
LMAO! I was always suspicious of the bottle opener flip flops for the that very reason. Thanks for the confirmation! I enjoyed the first book. Looking forward to the second.
Yessssss. I always wondered who would open their precious beers with dog shit covered flip flops. Laird opens bottles with his taint. Thanks to Teegals (taint strengthening exercises for OC men. Teeglas go hand in hand with ‘just for men beard’) I can pop a bottle cap 15 yards off them thangs’, girl.
is there gona be a book tour? because i can imagine drinking heavily and watching chas do a reading could be an alright time.
Hey Chas, I got your first book from the public library, will this one be making it to the library as well or is this just one of those pay you for a pdf type of things?
You annoy the heck of us most of the time. But DON’T stop writing…
So who’s the main protagonist this time?
Shouldn’t it be “tang” of dog shit?
It should have been but it was a full on bang.
Can’t be worse than your JJF article in The Surfer’s Journal… oh wait I just re-read all of your BeachGrit posts… we are so fucked.
You didn’t like? I thought it was great!
Yeah, it really was great. John Fucking John, indeed.
JFJ
Can’t wait, Chas. I’m staring down the barrel of a 17 hour non-stop flight next month so hopefully your new book can put me to sleep for at least 16 hours of it.
First draft is hell. Rewriting is joy. Every stroke of the keyboard makes it better, and all the parts that were huge problems a few weeks ago are easily solved now that some time has passed. I envy you Charlie and that is no bullshit, and can’t wait for my FedEx’d advance copy. Autographed.
And…more importantly…FREE!
congrats dude good luck with the revision part. i’m not really a fan of that part. like, ever.
speaking of pulitzers… winners were announced today. So by posting this today you were hoping to divert the attention away from the winners and place it on yourself. how very kelly-esque.
If you look up Wikipedia, under Chas’s name it says “The Kelly Slater of surf scribes”.
i thought you dont wear sandals? the book must not be real
I don’t. I bought them at the end to be true.
How could you consider your life a total failure when you created the Grit?
Have you ever been to the Grit before? Just kidding! You’re the best part of it! So I guess not a total failure. Just a professional one.
you just need sunshine and a hug.
you’re the best surfwriter who’s ever lived.
If there were two buttons, one marked “cure for cancer” the other “Chas Smith keeps surfwriting”, I’d bang that second one till it broke.
I love you Steve.
unless you had cancer? ah You surf righters are all the same , personally palatable , but pro losers , c’est La vie!
Jesus, it is performance review time at BG.
Oh damn, I can’t read it now that I already know the ending.
if this isn’t a thoroughly entertaining 270-page tale about the one time you did coke with occy, i’m going to cancel my beachgrit subscription.
at $0.64? I’ve exceeded my wildest expectations!
Congrats Chas, if you receive 50% commission, you only have to sell another 3,124,999 to become a millionaire. Buy a WSL ad break, those numbers should be a breeze
why would you buy it again?
Does Eddie Rothman know about this one?
Hey Chas what about an advance copy for your loyal Beachgrit readership?
Lemme see what I can do!
If this sequel isn’t called, “Welcome to Cardiff, Now Here’s Your Vanilla Soy Chai Latte Extra Foam” then you’re fuckin’ blowin’ it.
I am fuckin blowin it.
It’s okay, so are 90% of north county and most of us who spend any time there.
Ha! So true… so so true.