SoCal is hot right now!
After the whole London incident, there’s been heaps of chatter about grom abuse. What is acceptable, what isn’t, and why are these goddamn kids so disrespectful?
Most people over forty believe that the hardened, hierarchical surf culture of the seventies, eighties, and nineties bred fairness and respect. Today, they argue, the promotion of lineup equality has wreaked havoc on surf spots all around the world, most notably Salt Creek and Lowers.
I took a stance that doesn’t quite refute their overarching sentiment, but more or less scolds old men who think it’s cool to physically or emotionally assault a kid. Even if he’s being a shit-head.
However, one voice has stood out above the rest, and it’s not just because all his letters are big. The following has been attributed to Christian Fletcher and reposted onto FB from somewhere. Maybe the Stab comment section!
I FUCKING LOVE THIS!!
MY NAME IS CHRISTIAN FLETCHER AND SORRY ABOUT THE LANGUAGE AHEAD OF TIME BUT THIS HAS GONE ON TO LONG AND IF YOUR OFFENEDED BY IT GOOD YOU SHOULD BE CAUSE YOU ARE THE PROBLEM!!!
FUCK LONDON FUCK HIS MOM AND FUCK IAN CAIRNS THEY CAN ALL EAT A BAG OF DICKS.
IM SO TIRED OF THESE ENTITLED LITTLE LIMP WRISTED FUCKING PUSSIES THEY DROP IN ON ME CRASH INTO ME AND THEN TELL ME “FUCK YOU LEAVE” AND THEN I GO TO GRAB THEM AND THERE FRIEND START YELLING “FUCK YOU HE IS ONLY 17 “SO I SAY “FUCK YOU I DONT GIVE A FUCK” AND THIS HAPPENS KINDA REGULARLY TO ME AT MORE PLACES THAN JUST SALT CREEK
MY DAD HAS DROPPED IN ON ME AND RAN ME OVER MY WHOLE LIFE AND IF HE DIDNT RUN ME OVER ON THE WAVE HE WOULD RUN ME OVER WHILE I WAS PADDLING OUT AND I THANK HIM FOR THAT CAUSE HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO SURF WITH ANY CROWD
THEN GUYS LIKE Q -TIP WOULD BE YELLING BEAT IT GROM FROM THE WATER WHILE I WOULD BE WALKING DOWN THE SAND DUNES THEN DROP IN ON ME AND DING MY BRAND NEW BOARD AND YOU WHAT I DID ABOUT IT, I DIDNT DO SHIT CAUSE THATS THE WAY IT GOES I WAS A KID AND I LEARNED RESPECT AND THE KIDS NOW HAVE NONE SO FUCK THEM FUCK THIER PARENTS AND FUCK THE POLICE FOR WASTING OUR HARD EARNED TAX DOLLARS THE MOM AND KID SHOULD HAVE BEEN ARRESSTED FOR MAKING A FALSE CALL AND HAVE TO PAY RESTITUTION FOR FOR IT AND IAN HAS DONE NOTHING BUT HOLD SURFING BACK FOR THE LAST 30 YEARS ATLEAST HAHAHA HAVE YOU EVER SEEN HIM TRY TO SURF IN THOSE 30YEARS WHAT A JOKE BIGGEST KOOK IN THE WATER MY GRANDPA IS 85 AND STILL SURFS BETTER THAN IAN AND IAN IS YOUNGER THAN MY DAD!!!
SO IM SORRY BUT ABOUT THE LANGUAGE BUT BUT ITS THE ONLY WAY PEOPLE WILL UNDERSTAND HOW SERIOUS THIS PROBLEM IS, EVEN AT TRESTLES THERE IS PARENTS PUSHING THEIR 5YEAR OLD KIDS INTO WAVES IN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHEN I WAS YOUNG KIDS WERE NOT ALLOWED TO SURF TRESTLES JUST LIKE THEY SHOULD NOT PLAY KICKBALL ON THE FREEWAY
SO I SIT ON THE INSIDE AND DROP IN ON THEM SOMETIMES AS WELL BECAUSE THIER PARENTS ARE TEACHING THEM WRONG FROM THE START SO I FEEL INCLINED TO COUNTER ACT THAT BEHAVIOR RIGHT WHEN IT IS BEING LEARNED!!!! GOOD JOB DIVEL AND I JUST MIGHT NEED SOME OF THAT INSURANCE YOU WERE TALKING ABOUT CAUSE IM NOT PUTTING UP WITH IT AND JUST SO HAPPENS IANS KIDS FAVORITE SKATEBOARDER IS MY SON HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA THATS WHAT I CALL KARMA
My ears are ringing but it’s imperative we analyze this masterpiece!
First of all, poor Ian Cairns. “You surf worse than my grandpa” is a pretty hard one to come back from. Maybe he just needs a coach? What do you guys think? We could crowdfund and get him surfing under Micro. They’ll be called Freak the Mighty and will take the WSA Super-Senior division by storm!
Then there’s this quote:
MY DAD HAS DROPPED IN ON ME AND RAN ME OVER MY WHOLE LIFE AND IF HE DIDNT RUN ME OVER ON THE WAVE HE WOULD RUN ME OVER WHILE I WAS PADDLING OUT AND I THANK HIM FOR THAT CAUSE HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO SURF WITH ANY CROWD
Having recently watched the greatest surf film, Surf’s Up, Christian’s anecdote couldn’t be more hilarious. If you haven’t seen (and you must), the movie’s antagonist is an impeccably skilled, exceptionally douchey surf-penguin named Tank “Shredder” Evans, and one of the movie’s best scenes has him pulling a “Herbie”! Please watch:
Then, maybe the best part of Christian’s whole spiel comes out:
EVEN AT TRESTLES THERE IS PARENTS PUSHING THEIR 5YEAR OLD KIDS INTO WAVES IN FRONT OF PEOPLE WHEN I WAS YOUNG KIDS WERE NOT ALLOWED TO SURF TRESTLES JUST LIKE THEY SHOULD NOT PLAY KICKBALL ON THE FREEWAY
SO I SIT ON THE INSIDE AND DROP IN ON THEM SOMETIMES AS WELL BECAUSE THIER PARENTS ARE TEACHING THEM WRONG FROM THE START SO I FEEL INCLINED TO COUNTER ACT THAT BEHAVIOR RIGHT WHEN IT IS BEING LEARNED!!!!
Is this not the greatest image your mind has endeavored to conceive? A forty-something Christian Fletcher — covered tip-to-tip in tattoos and riding a fluorescent dildo of a surfboard — purposefully sitting on the inside-third of a world class wave with the sole intention of snaking five-year-olds? Is there anything more Fletcher?
Now a word on Christian…
By legitimizing airs in the competitive spectrum, Christian Fletcher altered our sport’s trajectory both literally and metaphorically. In that sense, I appreciate what he’s done for surfing.
But does that mean I have to respect him as a person, or give credence to his middle-aged immaturity? Of course not!
If Christian believes that his abusively-depicted upbringing has led him to become a role model for groms then, holy shit, that’s actually fucking crazy. I can’t imagine someone I’d less like to share a lineup with, let alone influence my nonexistent children. Maybe Wardo. Maybe.
So while he’s right that kids are becoming less respectful in lineups, it’s important to consider the flip side. Many of the grumpiest, least tolerable people in lineups grew up in Christian’s dystopian/utopian era. So did it actually do them any good?
One of the most overlooked aspects here is first-child syndrome. Parents are typically extra-careful with their firstborn — something about the evolutionary drive to pass on their DNA to future generations — but by the time the Kid Two comes around, they usually realize he’ll be fine with a little less “parenting”. The end result is Kid Two gets to attend parties, watch rated-R films, and have more fun.
Naturally, this causes jealousy in Kid One. “Why can Tommy go to concerts? He’s only fifteen! I had to wait until I was seventeen!” he can be heard shouting from community college.
Maybe old guys are just jealous they couldn’t catch set waves when they were fifteen?
Insights from Christian Fletcher on Grom Abuse
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I guess as a writer ya gotta have an opinion on stuff. I don’t doubt this stance is more popular amongst the new influx of beginners and “locals” that would be taking the brunt of lineup management, but I’d like to highlight the merit to Fletcher’s sentiment. I found that some of the tough love in the water growing up was incredibly beneficial in my development, teaching respect and appreciation for a limited resource. Is Christian approaching it the right way? Maybe not, but in a world of every increasing population – surf population is increasing at an even more rapid rate and last time I checked, the waves aren’t becoming more abundant. So we have a supply demand issue and a media system that doesn’t seem to want to address the issue of poor etiquette as much as it’d like to light up a pioneer of the sport.
This story is five years old and on Beachgrit.
flechter…come on…they will never understand…its $urf…. you are in the wrong sport… there is no sport so full of thin-skinned guys like in surfing!
ha so you publish surfing mags, push surfing products all over the world..and then complain when it gets crowded… miki dora was right..that era was cool.. the graceful long boarding, 501 levis t shirt.. slip ons..
so this piss head can do an ariel.. who the fuck cares.. he has never had to work.. his dad and gramps set him up so he could surf and jack off or whatever and not have to work.. and he tattoo up and wear a top knot.. he is not a man.. he is pissant..hear me roar… and guess what? lots more like him. being a good surfer is like being a good pool player.. no more no less. it don’t make you a man… and being a bad surfer doesn’t make you a bad person..its just the beach..whoever is having the most fun there is best.. right ?
I want to thank every old guy who mean mugged me, told me to split, dunked me and ran me over. It made me a “MAN” and not a whinny limp dick. Well said Christian!!
That’s what it took to make you a man?…..hmmmm….I need to think about that…. so what were you before you got “mean mugged” and run over in the lineup? A boogie boarder?
HMMM. I guess I was not a snowboarder that did not understand context.
Is Christian a role-model? Or is he trying to get a role …….in the next Mad Max movie? He looks like he belongs in the post apocalyptic desert on some souped up rat-rod with a crossbow eating tin cans of dog food while a feral kid throws a bladed boomerang at him……
i just rofl’d
Ian Carnes? Never heard of her, Christian on the other hand is a ruler Im proud to call a friend.
Still being defensive there m-dog, just admit that you’re wrong. The human body is designed to learn from corporal punishment. Good on Christian for some truthbombs.
London Almida is a kook, can’t surf, parents play pretend surfer and let the little turd pretend he’s sponsored and make believe he can surf…check his vids and heat win totals..0..
Classic rich kid homeschool problems.needs to split
or hot as in above ambient temperature?
After reading some of these comments I would like to let all you people who think you know me understand a thing or two about me. I was not bullied nor was my dad a prick but he was more like a Nobel peace prize winning mother fucking professor!! I was taught by the best how to deal with this world full bullies bitches and snitches and not fall prey to bullshit they try to bombard me with! Thanks dad and mom I love you guys for bringing me up right and teaching me how to deal with all these Lames!!!!! Don’t worry , I don’t feel special though cause my dad will drop in on you too!!! Hahahahahaha
fuck yeah , herbie is still the man , and CF thanks for splitting all those peaks the other nite , and nice civilized chat, you surfing at nite beggars belief , see ya soon!
A lot of kids,kids who rip,now realize surfing is cool but don’t make you cool and its just a sport and not the full identity one should have. They just are not into the aggronaunt ways we were. Christian was the most spoiled rich kid in the line up in the 80s,,, Fucking snake master ! Grew up never working 4 shit, free weed and toys and is the definition of narcissism .He’s still rad though. .
Not the 1st surf brat that Ian has coached…Ian needs to teach his crew manners ,both in the water and out !
Push ins at Lowers is not cool at all. I do agree the groms do need to show way more respect and please don’t tell me the groms don’t know any better. You can clearly see the groms that can surf and know better being very disrespectful. If the grom can’t surf and is clueless than give him a break. Now as a surf coach I hear people come up say hey remember back in the day when we surfed like that. I say quickly (NO, please none of us surfed like that as groms. We had power surfing but these groms have huge rail bottom turns with huge airs all dialed in. Christian Fletcher saved surfer and surfing magazines back in the day every grom and surfer wanted to buy a mag to see what kind of crazy air he did next. Any everyone would dispute did he get jet skied into that wave to get that high on the air or is that just from his own speed.We look for a just ski ripple in the wave lol. Some one like Christian that has been a big part of surfing has the right to vent.
CHEERS to Christian I could Not Agree more… Here on the NS the Surf coached Entitled traveling Home Schooler is at epidemic levels. They have no idea what surf etiquette is as they haven been silver spooned from age 5 and think the set waves belong to them. Surf Spots like Velzyland Have turned into the training grounds of the travelling Jr pro most don’t know the waves well enough to even be in the line up let alone battling the regulars so set waves. But each and every day great waves get ruined by kids sitting in the end bowl ruining the waves of the guy in the barrel.
fuck vland. full of faggots. just go surf off broadway and there is no one
Whatever the means, if everybody had a free pass there would be at least double the crowds.
At the top spots the top guys push the lesser, beginner types down the beach where they belong, it’s safer, it makes sense, and that’s how it is . You don’t mix the amateurs with the major leaguers CF is right on.
Sweet.
How many kids did you “influence” today Eugene?
Fletcher is right on this one.
I guess there is something more!!!
Hey Mikey, if you would have taken a stance in front of me I probably would have shoved my fluorescent colored dildo right up your geriatric wrinkled old ass, you fuckin kook!!!
For the record I’m not looking to be a role model unless you want to set an example of exactly what not to do or quickest way to ruin your career, but those were the CHOICES I made and I wouldn’t change a thing. As far as the kids go, you don’t see little leaguer’s on the field with the Houston Astro’s do you ? Or maybe you do with those thick glasses of yours!! Do you see Pop Warner kids on the field with the New Orleans Saints ? NO because a big pissed off mother fukker like Kyle Turley would be ripping off more than just THIER HELMET!!! Now that is the same reason they should not be in the lineup at Trestles especially when San-O is right there or Doheny etc. oh sorry that’s probably where you surf if you do surf or are you one of those lames that just sits around and writes about it and as far as calling the cops that is completely unforgivable!!
IF YOU CANT HANDLE THE HEAT, THEN GET OUT OF THE KITCHEN!!! CF
late but great
Just keep being you C F, it works. When I was learning to surf, I got run over,called a “Kook” and had a few screaming matches on the sand. It was all part of earning a spot in the line up. Positraction!
Amen!
Fucken classic dude..