Christian Fletcher debates with Michael Ciaramella!
To read the lead up to this heated debate, click here!
So there I was, sitting in the middle of Pepi’s Sports Bar in Capo Beach, CA, with the entire crowd looking at me.
They were ready to witness a slaughtering. My slaughtering. At the hands of their beloved, if slightly psychotic hometown hero, Christian Fletcher.
Christian didn’t like some things I wrote about him. In fact he thought that journalists, or “mag fags” as he calls them, were by in large pussies. That we took things out of context and avoided interaction with our very subjects. That we sensationalized and opined on topics which we didn’t fully understand.
He’s not wrong.
And it was my time to pay for these sins, via a presidential-style-debate about grom abuse, in front of his home crowd. His friends and family. A constituency loyal to the point of tattooing Christian’s namesake on their half-shaven domes. Does Slater even have that?
I was Bernie Sanders at a Trump rally. A non-Herbie longboarder at Lowers. My destruction was not just expected, but a foregone conclusion. Still, I had to hold my ground.
Christian took a seat beside me and grabbed the mic. The rest is history.
I’ll let you decide for yourselves how the debate went, but I have something to say about how it ended.
Christian threw out a few baseless insults (You’re fucking retarded, You aren’t even a fucking American), after which I was pulled from my seat by Christian’s bouncers.
These guys didn’t even work at the bar, they were just there “in case you get a little lippy” (Christian’s words). The crowd cheered wildly as I was yanked from center stage.
While being helped out the door, one of Christian’s boys stopped to tell me something.
“Don’t worry man,” he said. “It’s all part of the show.”
That made me feel a little better.
After being removed, I went for a walk around the block to consider the night’s events. Once I’d pieced it all together and realized it wasn’t just a weird dream, that everything I’ve written did in fact take place, a tremendous laugh came over me.
Then I called Christian to see if he’d like a goodnight kiss. In reflection I realized he had been, mostly, a gracious and welcoming host. Sadly there was no answer.
Before driving off, I sent him a text. “Thanks for the wonderful evening,” it said. “Hope to see you soon!” He didn’t respond to that one either.
I’m still not sure if Christian Fletcher hates my guts, or if this entire operation was his idea of fun. Of boyish camaraderie. Of testing my limits…
Either way, we’ll always have Pepi’s.
Editor’s note: if anyone was at Pepi’s that evening or knows someone with pictures or video of the event (especially JP Van Swae), please send them our way!
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Riding bitch on Christian Fletcher’s bike felt pretty damn legit. Enough said.
Michael, when you first started, many BG commenters hated you because you weren’t Rory. Now those same commenters love you for the London/Christian saga (well done by the way). Make them hate you again and they will be readers for life. Bravo!
I feel so much more tired now than I did ten minutes and forty-one seconds ago. Your patience is admirable.
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Sounds like something from Cheech & Chong.
For me, as a parent, would never beat my kids, but respect them, so they respect me and others. So far it’s working.
As for this CF vs Ciara, I would definitely give it to Ciara. Seems like CF is coming out as a dork.
Well done Ciara!
This reminds me of “The Magus” but without the babes.
this fool grew up with herbie as a dad… i highly highly doubt he ever got any proper grom abuse. ever.
fuck, michael. no need to acquiesce to his so-called ‘status’. you should have given it to this moron (fuck publicizing his name). he is so caught up in his own bullshit myths. i cannot even be bothered with responding and demolishing the stupidity of his explanations with their fucking algae-level reasoning here. put me in a room with this fucker. hand me my rum. he is fucking minor league when it comes to thinking. this is all about a bunch of old white men finding they don’t rule their little fucking pond anymore. awwwwwwww diddums. fuck fletcher and fuck his generational group of little old white male hangers-on. their time is done. fuck their ‘in my days’. grow the fuck up you hobby horse fuckers. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
upvote for the ‘algae-level reasoning’ bit…is that yours? Can I use it?
yes, it is mine and trademarked. but you have my permission, handsome.
WHO CARES ABOUT YOUR PERMISSION SNOWFLAKE, INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY ISN’T REAL
Snowflakes use all caps
It appears that Christian may actually be aptly named. If you listen carefully, amidst all the slurring and obscenities, there is some time-tested wisdom there. He’s right- America catalyzed this unprecedented shit show of unapologetic loudmouth panzy boys when they outlawed spanking. Children need to be disciplined physically to learn that there is pain involved when they cross boundaries. Civilization is only possible when there are people who enforce the laws. And people who grow up with no respect or understanding for authority generally don’t have the greatest life expectancy.
That being said, I can’t help but wonder, is Christian potentially a Christian and this whole bad boy thing an act? One of surfings most infamous bad boys taking a biblical stance on an issue?! Who would have ever thought- Proverbs 13:24 KJV [24] “He that spareth his rod hateth his son: but he that loveth him chasteneth him betimes.” And Michael, you did good. It seemed that Christian’s comment regarding wet vagina got to you a little though.
Amen!
That’s it in building a wall… Kooks on one side.. rippers like me on the other
If we get to choose can I be on the Mexican side?
These motherfuckers north koreans and Kim Jong Un… ops! sorry!… Gudang clan and his chineses kung furs… ops! sorry!… socall Fletchers and Christians!!!
We will bomb these bandits!!!
How are we supposed to know you got yanked form the stage and didn’t just run off crying after you got hit with the “you don’t look like you even surf, bro!” zinger? Who prepped Christian for this meeting Jeff Ross? That was some heat!
Why don’t you just take your mentally challenged ass to the special olympics to collect your lousy participation trophy representing some country that is definitely not America in a sport that for sure ain’t surfing cause you don’t even look like one, bro, and retards can’t swim, bro!
Oh man that was such a perfect line, so classic.
I think he is on to something though…. Maybe Michael should try something different with his hair? I think he should go with something loud and fun. He could definitely accessorize more, maybe get some cool body art – make his arms look super sick, then he wouldn’t need to wear sleeves. And nothing screams surfer like the tank & tats look. But the great thing about surfing is all the cool looks you HAVE to choose from.
I don’t care if Christian was shooting speedballs into his eyeballs during this talk. Everything he said was right. Surfing was built on unwritten rules, no parents or cops allowed period. Of course that’s all changing with the home schooled frat boys soft top surf lesson hyper parents pasties wearing newbie flounderers but some of us are going to fight for it as long as we can. That’s our generation? Fuck yes it is. Michael you’re way out of your league here.
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nothing he said was right, fanboy.
I don’t necessarily disagree but I don’t see why it would require violence to enforce the rules. I grew up in a place where you didn’t fuck with established locals but I was never dunked or punched. Was told “Don’t even fucking think about paddling for this wave” when I was still in kookdom, and that was enough.
what system exist on earth doesnt have violence as the ultimate threat holding the whole thing together?
My house. My relationship with friends. My family.
Good lord, put down the Nietzsche.
Thank you!
what did you really expect when you asked Christian if parents are responsible for their kids?
I have always questioned the existence of your balls, ciara-millennial, but I guess there’s something there 😉
Classic, just classic!
Christian Fletcher once saved my life:
I was at the beach after a surf session and was ogling a girl in a bikini too much. Two guys come up and start whooping me. Christian Slater comes up and says: “Thats enough boys”.
They all walked away.
I’ll never forget it, Christian Slater saved my life!
sooo good. christian sounds drunk and confused
Damn son.
Does Mike pee in the lower urinal so his balls don’t touch it?