Perth: “We Don’t Need No Stinkin’ Wavepool!”

Thou shalt not ride!

Derek Reilly is about to explode. Implode. Spontaneously combust.

Why?

Well, two months ago, he reported on the potential for a Perth wavepool in cocksure fashion. Let’s reminisce:

Whatever you think of pools, this’ll add a little something to a park that butts up against a shallow slice of the Swan River and, right now, has a lawn bowls club and a couple of shitty houses on it.

The pool, if it gets built, and the ifs are plenty, you’ll be able to surf against the backdrop of a setting sun and the surprisingly muscular Perth skyline.

And Perth, which is in the shadow of offshore islands and never gets waves of any real value, needs a tank. If it barrels, nice, if it don’t, it doesn’t matter.

I grew up in the joint. I know.

The poor bastards are dying for this.

And what do we find out today? That the poor bastards might just prefer lawn bowling and shitty houses to an adult water park! Let’s read from the Melville Times:

THE Alfred Cove Action Group (ACAG) has collected more than 3000 signatures on a pair of petitions calling on the State Government to reject plans for a wave park and launch an inquiry into both the City of Melville administration and councillors over their handling of the proposal.

ACAG convenor David Maynier believes the Wave Park Group project should not have been granted a ground lease and that Melville Council “routinely ignored substantial opposition” in progressing the development.

And,

“Quite apart from its unhealthy determination to place the wave park in a highly unsuitable location, there was also the matter of a senior City officer owning shares in the proponent’s company from the outset,” David Manner said.

City of Melville manager of health and leisure services Todd Cahoon was the officer responsible for the lawn bowls strategy that originally suggested moving the Melville Bowling Club off the land now under lease to Wave Park Group.

Mr Cahoon owned shares in Wave Park Group until September last year, although he has stated he declared his shareholding in mid-2013 and the City of Melville maintains Mr Cahoon played no part in its consideration of the wave park proposal, which arrived as an unsolicited bid in June 2016.

Not only are they angry about their bowling, but this group of 3,000 have made some damning corruption accusations. Which makes me a little happy, because if government officials are using surfing as a way to sneakily line their pockets, it must mean we’re on the up-and-up!

Have we any Perth readers who can update us on the surfeo-political climate of your wonderful port town? Will it be the surfers or lawn bowlers who win this bare-knuckle brawl? Do the locals even want to ride?