WSL: “Sharks eating southern California!”

The World Surf League issues stern warning about surfing south of San Francisco!

The World Surf League posted a story yesterday titled “Shark Frenzy Fallout Continues in Southern California” (read here) which detailed the shark frenzy fallout which apparently continues in southern California. Shall we read a snippet?

The impact on the collective psyche of the beach-going community has been dramatic and visceral. A quick scan of Surfline’s webcams reveals that many lineups in south Orange County look like ghost towns, with crowds down to levels not seen for decades. The one glaring exception being Lowers. Yet, locals like Nate Yeomans and the Gudauskas brothers are now jokingly referring to the spot as “Shark Park” in social media posts.

But the sightings are also resulting in cautionary action. Over a half dozen middle and high school surf team coaches were told to cancel all “water activities” at Salt Creek and neighboring Strands Beach until schools break for summer in two weeks. One local surf team coach said he realized that the school district was using an abundance of caution, but hoped they wouldn’t “buy into the hysteria.”

And son of a bitch, am I right? Like, what the hell is this? The best part about this whole shark business has been the “ghost town lineups.” It’s like 1970s Mentawis around here!

Just kidding.

I don’t know anyone who has stopped surfing but I see lots of people who I wish would stop surfing and this is our chance! BeachGrit beats the shark drum every day. We beat it so loud and so hard that there is talk of rebranding “drum lines” as “BeachGrabs.”

You’re welcome.

Because if you really love to surf the only thing worse than losing a limb to a shark is losing a super sick 3 foot runner to a snake.

Am I right?

So I decided to rebrand the World Surf League’s misbegotten message about nobody surfing around these in a paranoid, menacing way.

Again, you’re welcome.