Morgan wouldn't go.

Breaking: My Nemesis Has Returned!

Welcome to your second roast!

Oh Morgan Dunn. You three-stage pop-up motherfucker. You’ve really done it this time.

Your newest piece is called “I Have Absolutely Zero Interest in Wave Pools” and just stop it right there. Why are your titles like this? Why?

Here are a few reasons why I touch face to palm:
– “Our Fear of Sharks Drives Me Completely Nuts”
– “I’m So Completely Sick of Airs”
– “I Think Three-Foot Surf Is Actually the World’s Best Surf”

Jesus Morgan.

But maybe titles just aren’t your thing. Maybe the article’s meat is filled with all sorts of novel nutrients. Who am I to define someone else’s surfing experience, after all?

Let’s break down his logic:

As I age, my appreciation for the natural world only seems to grow. I want to immerse myself in it as much as possible, and surfing is a fantastic way to literally plunge yourself into nature. The elemental, powerful, and raw qualities of the ocean command respect. I simply can’t respect or revere a man-made wave, because I know it to be a farce.

Several of the profressionals that surfed Kelly’s wave cited legitimate poundings and hold-downs. Something tells me a wave pool could “command” your respect right quick, Morgy.

We seem to be entering the era of pools that can make legitimate waves for surfing, but I have no interest whatsoever in trying one out. That wave looks absolutely perfect, but I don’t want perfection.

Let’s put aside the fact that not all wave pools produce seamless, cookie-cutter waves (i.e. The Cove). You’re telling me you have literally zero interest in riding a wave that was man made, for the simple fact that it’s man made? You mean to tell me that your initial reaction to Kelly’s pool was, “Eh”?

No Morgan. You’re the farce.

If the waves were pumping all day every day, we’d lose our gratitude in great surf conditions. The sweet ain’t so sweet without the sour.

I can’t disagree with this one. Except for the fact that you wouldn’t be surfing in a pool every day, meaning your implied mutual exclusivity is moot. Think of it as a twice-yearly treat. Plenty of shitty sessions in between to stoke the stoke.

I think I would get bored in a wave pool quite easily. I don’t want it to be that predictable, that easy.

…While certainly predictable, something tells me it wouldn’t be that easy for you to master a wavepool, unless your perception of mastery involves riding in a straight line, three-feet in front of the pocket.

Also, how do you reconcile that every pro who’s tried a pool has emphatically vouched for its legitimacy? If guys who surf the best waves in the world for a living aren’t bored in a wave pool, neither will be you.

Lulls between sets provide an opportunity to take stock of how lucky we are to be bobbing up and down in the ocean. Greetings from friendly dolphins, wrestling matches with kelp monsters, the view of the reef below on a clear day; I relish it all.

You remind me of the little sister from Blue Crush — the one who only paddles out to flirt with studs in the lineup. Here’s a tip Morgs: sack up and catch a wave. Or better yet, go to a wavepool and catch forty.

I don’t want surfing to lose its purity, and I don’t want to lose the connection to the natural world that I get through it.

Surfing is about elbowing the next guy in the face to get what you want. It’s about backhanded compliments, capitalistic behavior, and abusing children. If this is the purity you speak of then yes, I agree with everything.

So Morgan, let’s recap:

You don’t like wavepools because they aren’t “natural” enough. In your eyes, surfing’s pleasure derives from the aroma of the sea, the camaraderie of a lineup, and the ocean’s inherent unpredictability. Riding waves is simply the means to an end, that being self-fulfillment through environmental exploration and human interaction.

Wavepools, of course, are the antithesis to this concept. They have ruler-edged lines, a commercial atmosphere, and that distinctive stench of chlorine and piss. Your “criticisms” may be true, but to forsake the magic of wavepools under those pretenses is equal parts asinine and disingenuous.

I believe a commenter on your article said it best:

It’s not that you have no interest in wave pools, it’s that wave pools are trending and you need something to write about. If you surf, you want to get tubed for 30 seconds no matter the set up.

And he’s right. You’re either lying or not a real surfer. Pick one.

Better yet, let’s test this quandary from a scientific standpoint. I challenge you to surf wavepool, but not Typhoon Lagoon, and decide whether or not you enjoyed the experience.

If yes, you can keep writing about surfing for the Inertia (with no expectation for the rousting to cease).

If no, you must sell all your surfboards and move to Topeka.


Vote us your favorites!
Vote us your favorites!

Stab: “We’re shitty AND clueless!”

Your second favorite Venice-adjacent website needs help!

Stab magazine, next door neighbors to mountain bike blog The Inertia in beautiful Venice-adjacent, is doing a survey to improve your experience and YOU can win a new surfboard if you take it! Should we do it together? I’ll give the surfboard if you help me (in the comments) and I win.



Question 1: WHOSE SURFING DO YOU ADORE MOST? (Choose your top three)

Albee Layer

Alex Grey

Alex Knost

Andrew Doheny

Asher Pacey

Balaram Stack

Beau Foster

Bobby Martinez

Brendon Gibbens

Brett Simpson

Bruce Irons

Bryce Young

Cam Richards

Chippa Wilson

Chris Ward

Clay Marzo

Colin Moran

Cory Lopez

Craig Anderson…….

Son of a bitch. Stab literally just listed every “professional” surfer alive. Except Gerry Lopez. Oh wait… never mind. He’s there too. So I guess just write Wiggolly Dantas, Ian Cairns and Eddie Rothman in and let’s move on to question 2.


Same damned thing. All the girls. Ever. With Lisa Andersen’s last name spelled “Anderson” and favorite spelled “favourite” even though Stab now calls Venice-adjacent home. What the hell is this? Some kind of joke?

And that’s it. Those are the only two questions in this survey. What the hell is this Sam McIntosh? Why are you doing this to me? Is this some kind of weird psychological thing? A SurfStitch initiative? Are you going to use this information to sell more socks? More FCS anti-shark leashes?

Tell me!


Rip Curl's Neil Ridgway pictured here taking some bold yet fun fashion risks. Will it be enough to save his job?
Rip Curl's Neil Ridgway pictured here taking some bold yet fun fashion risks. Will it be enough to save his job?

SIMA: “Be bold! Take risks!”

Is Rip Curl's Reign of Conservative Terror officially over?

You, of course, know that the acronym SIMA stands for the Surf Industry Manufacturer Association and you might know that the group, including executive vice-presidents and team managers from across the surf industry spectrum (Billabong, TufLite, Bad Boy, etc.) gathers each year in Los Cabos, Mexico to pretend things are still rad but you probably didn’t know that SIMA’s president, John Wilson, opened the festivities with an impassioned plea.

“Be bold and take risks, stay committed and passionate to surfing and the industry that surrounds it, embrace change as opportunity, and you guys better have fun.”

My heart, for one, could not be more encouraged.

Boldness, risk-taking, passion and fun are pretty much my modus operandi. Ask Zach Weisberg, founder-in-chief of health and fitness blog The Inertia.

And can I assume this dawn of a bold, risk-taking and fun new era means that Rip Curl’s Reign of Conservative Terror is officially over?

That the cloistered, buttoned-up, afraid-of-revealing-any-fun(drug)-truth, passive-aggressive, dull, duller, dullest, bland, lying, boring, paranoid surf industry of the past decade plus has been put asunder?

Has Rip Curl’s Neil Ridgway been pushed to outer darkness? Has the World Surf League’s Graham Stapelberg been slapped from his job by the open hand of good times?

And can I also assume that some “vice-president of global marketing” positions are now open?

May I submit my resume?

Chas Smith

Career Objective:

Bold. Risks. Passion. Fun.

Core Competencies:

Can wax a surfboard above average. Etc.

Professional Experience:

Mick Fanning


Neil Ridgway

Graham Stapelberg

I’m waiting by the phone and thrilled.

Oh dear, Billabong. What have you done?

Question: Is This Boardshort Racist?

On the bright side, it's not like Billabong's stock can drop much more

As you may or may not know, I graduated from the University of California San Diego with a degree in International Studies and Sociology. I can’t say I’ve used that quarter-million-dollar education to much success, but the investment has recently started to pay dividends.

What do I mean? Well, being a UCSD student grants certain access to otherwise impenetrable swaths of knowledge. No, I’m not talking bout professors, labs, or research databases. I’m talking about Facebook groups.

One such group is UCSD Free and For Sale 2.0, which is a subsidiary of the now deceased UCSD Free and For Sale (RIP). The group is exclusive to UCSD students and is used, primarily, to buy and sell calculators.

Every once in a while though, somebody breaks the code. They post something that is neither free nor for sale, but rather it holds such meaning to the individual that they feel compelled to share it with the entire UCSD populace.

Just recently, a young man posted a picture of an Asian woman with a flag hanging from her backpack. It was a white flag with a red circle and many rays of light sprouting from its center. Something like this:

And if you’re anything like me, your initial reaction is: Holy shit, that is one committed Andy Irons fan. She even went so far as to make a flag out of his signature “Rising Sun” Billabong boardshorts.

You know… the ones that all of the AI marketing is based around? The one from that iconic Pipeline bottom turn? The one from Brucey’s commemorative quiver!

But the man who posted the picture is apparently nothing like me. In fact, he had a completely different interpretation of this flag’s connotation – a very, very, negative one. He wrote:

The Japanese sun-rising-flag is the same thing known as the Nazi flag, which represents massive killings and catastrophe (like the rape of Nanking). She is insulting people form the countries who suffered from those unspeakable catastrophes. If we don’t stop her from showing this racist flag, even if it is as a symbol of pride as you say, how would the people think, even our next generation? That killing is right? Bringing disasters to the country is rightful?

Then later in the day, a new video of the woman emerged. There she stood, obviously disgruntled but still toting her Andy Irons flag, while being spoken to by a library cop (those exist!). Then, out of nowhere, she fled the scene.

According to the post, several students had informed the cop that the woman’s flag was offensive to their culture and asked him to speak with her. The woman wasn’t forced to leave, but it seemed as though she was unwelcome thanks to her flapping accessory.

This incident sparked a heated debate amongst UCSD students. Some of them, mainly the conservative “free-speechers” and Japanese-sympathizers, saw no problem with the woman’s so-called self-expression. Others, mainly the liberal “snowflakes” and Chinese-sympathizers, considered it akin to celebrating Nazi culture.

The debate rages on but some important questions remain:

– Did Andy Irons hate the Chinese?
– Is the Rising Sun issue truly comparable to Nazi Germany, or is such hyperbole simply the product of an exceedingly liberal campus and society?
– Does Billabong sell racist boardshorts? Like… even if we were to assume they’re racist in nature, does anyone buy them anyways?

I am wholly ignorant to recent Asian history so any insight on the matter would be appreciated!

That stray canary Yago Dora flutters past Gabriel Medina!

#TourNotes: Mediocrity begets Mediocrity!

It's a masterpiece of nothing!

Oh, Peter King what have you done? #TourNotes, as if I ever had to remind you, was the crude, but matter-of-fact mini-documentary series that gave the world tour events their sweetish perfume.

We watch the heats on the WSL; we get the story from #TourNotes.

Today’s episode of #TourNotes, final day of the Oi Rio Pro, is a lesson in what happens when caution unseats what was once a wonderful, yowling discharge. Access. Humour. Candour.

To be overly generous, the Brazil event was as much fun as dying of typhus in the Amazon. God bless Adriano and Ace, but you don’t stay awake all night to watch shamelessly risk-free top turns.

The highlight of the event? Filipe Toledo, who by rights should’ve won the damn thing with his legs crossed, expressing all sorts of threats to the judges after losing in round three on an interference.

But do we see in #TourNotes? Do we examine the elephant stomping through the “area”?

No, no.

Peter King, who is fifty years old but presents with all the honey dew of a vibrant little girl, has created a masterpiece of nothing.

Mick Fanning admits to being very bad at arranging his plate at buffets. We watch as a piece of vegetable lasagne almost slides off his paper plate.

We go freesurfing with Ace Buchan, who says, “I’m really impressed by the waves.”

A nice man offers to have Joel Parkinson’s Instagram account verified. Parko is pleased. Mick Fanning laughs.

Owen Wright comments upon the height of the scaffolding’s steps to Wilko.

Some sort of trainer explains the “dynamic activation” training of Kanoa Igarashi and Wilko.

And more.

Watch here.