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Beach Grit

#TourNotes: Mediocrity begets Mediocrity!

Derek Rielly

by Derek Rielly

It's a masterpiece of nothing!

Oh, Peter King what have you done? #TourNotes, as if I ever had to remind you, was the crude, but matter-of-fact mini-documentary series that gave the world tour events their sweetish perfume.

We watch the heats on the WSL; we get the story from #TourNotes.

Today’s episode of #TourNotes, final day of the Oi Rio Pro, is a lesson in what happens when caution unseats what was once a wonderful, yowling discharge. Access. Humour. Candour.

To be overly generous, the Brazil event was as much fun as dying of typhus in the Amazon. God bless Adriano and Ace, but you don’t stay awake all night to watch shamelessly risk-free top turns.

The highlight of the event? Filipe Toledo, who by rights should’ve won the damn thing with his legs crossed, expressing all sorts of threats to the judges after losing in round three on an interference.

But do we see in #TourNotes? Do we examine the elephant stomping through the “area”?

No, no.

Peter King, who is fifty years old but presents with all the honey dew of a vibrant little girl, has created a masterpiece of nothing.

Mick Fanning admits to being very bad at arranging his plate at buffets. We watch as a piece of vegetable lasagne almost slides off his paper plate.

We go freesurfing with Ace Buchan, who says, “I’m really impressed by the waves.”

A nice man offers to have Joel Parkinson’s Instagram account verified. Parko is pleased. Mick Fanning laughs.

Owen Wright comments upon the height of the scaffolding’s steps to Wilko.

Some sort of trainer explains the “dynamic activation” training of Kanoa Igarashi and Wilko.

And more.

Watch here.