It's a masterpiece of nothing!
Oh, Peter King what have you done? #TourNotes, as if I ever had to remind you, was the crude, but matter-of-fact mini-documentary series that gave the world tour events their sweetish perfume.
We watch the heats on the WSL; we get the story from #TourNotes.
Today’s episode of #TourNotes, final day of the Oi Rio Pro, is a lesson in what happens when caution unseats what was once a wonderful, yowling discharge. Access. Humour. Candour.
To be overly generous, the Brazil event was as much fun as dying of typhus in the Amazon. God bless Adriano and Ace, but you don’t stay awake all night to watch shamelessly risk-free top turns.
The highlight of the event? Filipe Toledo, who by rights should’ve won the damn thing with his legs crossed, expressing all sorts of threats to the judges after losing in round three on an interference.
But do we see in #TourNotes? Do we examine the elephant stomping through the “area”?
No, no.
Peter King, who is fifty years old but presents with all the honey dew of a vibrant little girl, has created a masterpiece of nothing.
Mick Fanning admits to being very bad at arranging his plate at buffets. We watch as a piece of vegetable lasagne almost slides off his paper plate.
We go freesurfing with Ace Buchan, who says, “I’m really impressed by the waves.”
A nice man offers to have Joel Parkinson’s Instagram account verified. Parko is pleased. Mick Fanning laughs.
Owen Wright comments upon the height of the scaffolding’s steps to Wilko.
Some sort of trainer explains the “dynamic activation” training of Kanoa Igarashi and Wilko.
And more.
Watch here.
Sex, drugs and big asses…that’s what tour notes Brazil should be about,
How about a BG follow-up on Filipe’s alleged tower storming? With such a large crowd on the beach, there have got to be some videos floating out there on Brazilian social media.
or you could say todays surf reporting is just Hipster lame!
“the champ is back…”
faaaarken boring shit
The real question is why when playing paddle bat at the beginning are they not wearing small brazzo swim shorts or g strings? I turned straight off, as was not authentic!!!
you’re overthinking it StormBoy.
but otherwise, you perfectly defined sportswriting.
As Tournotes it’s fucking lame but if it was part of the daily webcast it would be cool. Why are these jock entities afraid of reality? Does anyone in their right mind think non surfers watch surf contests?
surfers don’t even watch surf contests
“Tournotes” about as exciting as 10th grade economics class…holy shit I must have slept for hours!! I just woke up with a puddle of drool on my I-phone……incredibly mediocre garbage at best
2 questions Dell: who’s the Brad Pitt look-alike stud hovering between Yago and Medina?
and those camo boardies on the front screen, tits, where can I get?
#borenotes. the fedora of surf clips.
Chuy Reyna says to take that back!
My favorite part was when Kelly Slater disguised himself as that little trainer guy to talk about feet.
I was sure it was Kelly talking at first, that was a shocker!
How dare all those people have a good time and enjoy Pro surfing… Nice headline Derek, if you hate everything about the WSL so much maybe you should do something that makes you happy.
sports writing.
it’s a real thing Billy.
Otherwise you can always read old Tracks mags and enjoy Sarge’s “coverage”.
Love reading my old Tracks mags.
Sarge was the best.
The crisp feel and smell of a new edition coming out. Ah good memories.
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ah the good old days when there was real entertainment , and when brands had not yet dominated the reporters articles , when the word advertorial , was not a word!!
The word “advertorial” was first used in 1946.
jesting? brands ran the mags with an iron fist.
you’d make a great life coach
Tournotes went to shit as soon as Simpo fell off tour. #bringbacksimpo
Sponsored by the colour beige.
I believe a sweet ass “Dakota Motor Company” guitar solo/lick would be appropriate right about now?
Never!
the Ocean Seems between you and Shampoo Poo
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Wasn’t this on the American Pie 5 soundtrack?
Stop…you’re making me cry.
tournotes went to shit ever since wsl bought it
Oh it’s just grotesque now. And what a joyful eye Peter King has. Completely squandered here.
I would have settled for sound bite interviews from the Dad Daycare Center at Instituto Gabriel Medina. Did Medina demand Peter shave his armpits or something?
They should hire that great bloke Wiggolly’s Paddling Style to spike everyone’s coconut water with high doses of anti-depressants and ketamine and get some decent footage.
The shame of it all is that no one does enough gack to know what a bloody good spiking is and go with it. At least we can credit AI with being fantastic at doing shit loads of everything.
I do think that we were asking too much of surfers to have a personality.
miss simpo…