Laird Hamilton is back in the news! Controversial? Let's see!
The last time Laird Hamilton was in the news it was for saying that menstruating women are the cause of shark attacks. Oh the fun I had! Five days of nothing but Laird and periods. Five glorious, informative, fun-filled days. Did you have fun too? Don’t you wish we could have done ten days instead of five?
But we couldn’t do ten days because Laird Hamilton delivered a masterclass in what you are supposed to do when caught in a self-made controversy.
KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
I am certain Donald J. Trump’s staff was looking west during Period-Gate and thinking, “Gol’durn. Why isn’t Laird Hamilton the President of the United States? That boy can handle his business!”
Do you think Laird might run someday? Maybe in 100 or 200 years? He tells GQ in a recent interview, “I don’t even have an age. I don’t know how I could feel better.”
And then gives the magazine “life hacks” so that we can all forget our ages. His first is…
Coffee is the only energy drink you need. So long as you fatten it up.
“I use my coffee like other people use energy drinks,” Hamilton says. “But are you getting the most out of your coffee? Probably not.” The real secret to joe, he claims, is combining it with fats (like those in his Laird Superfood creamer) that time release the caffeine, so that your energy stays constant, instead of peaking and cratering. It also makes you sharper: “You know [how] you drink coffee, you’re all jacked up, but you’re still foggy-headed? The caffeine is jacking the body up. It’s not jacking the brain up. The fat’s feeding the brain. That’s where the focus comes in, and the mental clarity.” Important whether you’re outrunning a 50-foot swell or a 50-year-old boss in search of some overdue TPS reports.
They call this bulletproof coffee, no? So many people swear by it and I once tried but watching the butter melt in my coffee totally grossed me out. I’ll keep the jacked up foggy head thank you very much. Also, I will never be President of the United States.
Also, I hate the trendy new phrase “life hacks.” Like, way hate it.
Read the rest of Laird Hamilton’s life hacks here.
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Wow so novel … a sparse and poorly written article insighting a tribe of haters!
When I heard that Laird no longer drank I immediately went to nearest store and bought some beer.
Use coconut oil instead of butter.
Fucking Wham! Rules. How dare you associate them with this low life!
I thought the best way to get most out of your coffee was to drop a shot of whiskey in it. Really Irish up that shit.
As for life hacks? I despise that term about as much as ‘super-food’…
His brain is definitely not jacked up.
Laird does so have an age. It’s the Dark Age.
Yes!!! I can not get enough Laird articles. I wanted 10 days of periodgate. Hopefully he will enlighten us with more new wisdom.
It’s not snitching if the the person on the receiving end is a complete fuckwit.
His skin has an age.
Laird Hack = sell the soul of surfing to hedge fund managers via all the gimmicks
But he crushes snow flakes in jandels…
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Life hack: Be Laird.
Life hack, the bears can smell the menstration.
So can Laird, apparently
Life hack: Whenever the missus complains about swallowing tell her its a “superfood creamer”.
From the Laird superfood site: “Due to no additives this product may clump. Simply massage bag to break up contents before use.”
“A little bit of Laird goes into every carton of creamer”
funny story , knew a street fighter , body builder in the 90’s from the UK , and he swore by the fact that drinking your own sperm was the best streroid and was natural , makes you wonder about what to put into your coffee , or not!
Contrapuntal lifehack: Absolutely DON’T be Laird.