So there I was, watching Dawn Patrol
to see how the WSL planned on finishing the women’s OuterKnown Fiji
Pro in today’s zero-foot surf. It was, after all, the final day in
their waiting period.
I tuned in just in time to hear Kaipo speaking with Tati about
how she would prepare for the very large surf promised in the
final. This was after the WSL drone had just panned over a
completely flat Cloudbreak lineup. I re-checked the forecast to
make sure the swell wasn’t predicted to magically jump in the
afternoon and… nope!
So what the hell was Kaipo talking about?
Then, Facebook to the rescue! Twenty-seven minutes ago, the WSL
posted, saying: The #OKFijiPro Women’s Final heat will take
place on Sunday morning, the first day of the Men’s waiting
period.
Cloudbreak is forecasted to be 8-12ft and absolutely pumping!!
🌊
And can I get a hellllls to the YEAH?!
Courtney and Tati, two of the Women’s CT’s biggest chargers,
will take on menacing Cloudbreak for the conclusion of the event.
What more, in order to do so they’ll have to pinch thirty-five
minutes of the men’s event window. This takes the feminist #WasteHisTime movement
of 2016 to new levels. A win for women and apologists
everywhere!
Jokes aside, this is a classy move by the WSL. Give the girls a
chance to prove their skill and gumption in solid waves, and maybe
Chas’s
musings will gain steam. Or they’ll flail and not at
all. No pressure, T&C!
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Rip Current Rory: “Beware of surfing!”
By Chas Smith
Want to try the Sport of Kings? Scottish hero says,
"Don't!"
Surfing has a new mascot and his name is Rip
Current Rory! The young hero from Scotland who was caught in a rip
current and pulled all the way to
Ireland is back in the news today with advice for any
person thinking about trying out the Sport of Kings this
summer.
Don’t!
He returned to Campbeltown, Scotland today, where his horror
began, in order to retrieve his surfboard and thank the Coast Guard
team that saved his life but he also shared his pointers for the
best way to “enjoy” the surf. Shall we read?
Please, see my story not as a horror, but one that could
learned from.
Despite having the correct equipment – a 5mm thickness
wetsuit, with a 2mm thickness torso vest, along with gloves, hood
and boots – there were other things I could have done to prevent
this escalating to the point it did:
A) Do not go surfing alone. It was unnecessary risk. If I
had been surfing with another person, or ideally a group, the
coastguard would have been notified much earlier that I was in
trouble.
B) Have an agreed time when you will be out of the water and
that you will contact either a family or friend who is on dry land.
This is a useful measure as it helps in case something is happening
to your group.
C) Make sure the person you’re contacting knows where you
are going surfing and expect to be back on dry land. If you want to
go back in afterwards just message them saying so.
D) Purchase a personal GPS tracker. Although they can be
pricey at first glance, when you consider the price of both a board
and wetsuit, it isn’t that much more. And it’s worth it if you
imagine two hours in the water before being rescued as opposed to
two days. I know what I would choose. I would suggest this for
non-surfers doing other water sports as well.
So a 7/5 wetsuit, gloves, hood, booties, GPS tracker, crew in
the water, crew on the beach/at home. And that sounds like the
worst time ever!
Between fear of shark attack, menstruation and Rip Current
Rory’s advice I think zero new people will start surfing for the
rest of the year and a few will even quit.
Victory!
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Feel good: Support your history!
By Chas Smith
Matt Warshaw needs you! Will you answer the
call?
Do you consider yourself a “global citizen?”
Did you cry this morning when you read that Donald J. Trump is
planning on opting out of the Paris Accord? Is your monthly
“donation” budget tied up between Greenpeace and the Surfrider
Foundation?
Of course not! You are a BeachGrit-er!
But there is one thing you can do with your extra pennies that
are not being sent to Greenpeace or the Surfrider Foundation. You
can send them to your favorite Matt Warshaw in support of his epic
Encyclopedia of Surfing and History of Surfing!
The Encyclopedia of Surfing and the History of Surfing are both
true works of art. Matt Warshaw has taken it upon himself to
actually commit the only thing we truly care about to eternity. He
has read, sorted, logged it all from Bronzed Aussies to
Zelda . Without him, without these two works, all of our
memories would vanish. He has done a hard and thankless work and it
matters. The entries are brilliant. The reading is gold. And
here we are.
I don’t ask for much but I beg for this because it is good and
unlike Greenpeace and Surfrider actually does something. It gives
us our past and in a strange way it gives us our future. Without
Matt Warshaw we are stuck in a perpetual now. A perpetual
BeachGrit.
Can you imagine anything more horrifying? I can’t.
Come on you bastards! Let’s leave the invading Russians with
something that is actually fun!
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Did Zoltan Torkos Just Win $20K?
By Michael Ciaramella
You decide!
There’s something about persistence. That
can-do attitude where no amount of insults or mockery can shake a
man from his vision-quest.
Zoltan Torkos is one of those people. His story goes something
like this…
On November 21, 2007, Volcom announced a $10,000 prize for the
person who could complete the first-ever surfing kickflip. Their
press release looked like this:
To date, no one has ever documented a cleanly landed
kickflip on a surfboard. Volcom is giving away $10,000 to the first
person that can land a “proper” kickflip while surfing! By proper
we mean an “above the lip” kickflip where first you launch an air,
use your front foot to flip the board, and then land on it and ride
out cleanly. No backwash, no fingerflips, no grabs, no laybacks.
Just a proper kickflip. We’re going to be strict on these following
guidelines. The rules are all listed here, so get out there and put
this trick in the history books. Good luck!
Rules: 1. Your entry must be on video from the start of the trick
through the ride out. No photos allowed. 2. This contest is open to everyone. The contest begins today
November 21st, 2007, and will run until there’s a winner. 3. The kickflip must be a real air “above the lip” – No
backwash, No chop hops, or anything in the flats or below the lip
of the wave. 4. All waves must be self caught – You must paddle into the
wave. This means NO tow-ats, step-offs, jetskis, boats, dinghys,
winches, canoes, oars, helicopters, dolphins or assistance of any
kind. 5. No grabs of any kind. Not before, not after, not
during. 6. You must completely “ride out” of the kickflip. That means
if you land on the back of the wave and fail to continue surfing
the wave – it’s not a make! 7. No heelflips. Or else we’d have called it the
Heelflip-Off. 8. No shoes. Who surfs in shoes anyway? Regular “made for
surfing” booties are acceptable. 9. You must be riding a surfboard with at least one fin. No
boogie boards, wakeboards, wakeskates, skimboards, kiteboards,
trays etc.
Zoltan Torkos, a magician/surfer from the Santa Cruz area,
perked up like a chilly nipple when he heard the news. He quickly
grabbed his board and tried, tried, tried, but it was just so damn
hard!
With sore feet and a failing mojo, Zoltan was given words
of encouragement by longtime friend Carl Reimer. “You can do
it,” Carl told him.
Later that day, Carl was gunned down for unknown reasons.
Killed.
“After that, I made it my goal to do the kickflip on a surfboard
for my friend, and to influence kids worldwide to pull tricks not
triggers,” Zoltan told Wakesurfer Magazine, which
somehow crumbled in 2015.
Zoltan went on to land the world’s first surfing kickflip in
March of 2011, but the completion was met with controversy. As
Rule 3 in the competition guidelines clearly
states: The kickflip must be a real air “above the lip” –
No backwash, No chop hops, or anything in the flats or below the
lip of the wave.
Let’s judge for ourselves.
Zoltan said yes, Volcom said no, chaos ensued. Long story short,
Volcom conceded with a caveat. They’d give the man his ten gees,
but they would offer another twenty thou for a “proper” kickflip,
i.e. off a section/lip.
If you’ve paid attention to surfing over the past six years,
you’ve seen many more of Zoltan’s chop-hop board-twirls. He’s quite
good at them. The best, even.
But never do they breach the lip.
Until… now?
Just this morning BeachGrit received message from Mr.
Torkos, stating: “Here is not often above the lip kickflip 20
Grandeur for sure.”
Once again let’s judge for ourselves!
Aaaaaand ok! I’ll give it to you Z, that was definitely off the
lip. About the same height as my superman, if I’m being
honest. But there is one small problem… me thinky you didn’t quite
land it.
I’ve been around surfing for far too long, have tried to salvage
waaaaay too many near-makes in my life, to believe that you
rode away from this. At the last second of the clip, you lose your
balance, if ever so slightly, and tip back to your heels. The fact
that you cut the clip tells me you didn’t recover.
But this is just a cynic’s view. Maybe Volcom will
be generous with their appraisal of your attempt. Then again,
something tells me they aren’t exactly your biggest fan.
I’m inclined to believe that, when this competition came to
life, Volcom had visions of John John or at least Ozzie
Wright landing the first kickflip — not some magician
from Santa Cruz. How does one market a magician from Santa
Cruz?
Volcom hates your persistence, Zoltan. Keep fighting.
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Watch: Fiji Is for Friends!
By Michael Ciaramella
Deleted scenes etc.!
Did you know that Albee Layer and his band of
Maui brethren are making a new film? It’s called Nervous
Laughter and will be coming out soon, if not very soon.
The film succeeds their 2014 masterpiece, Attractive
Distractions, which infamously did not receive a Surfer
Poll Award. Albee did, however, win Best Performance for his role
in the movie.
The Maui-based film lost to Joe G’s Strange
Rumblings in Shangri La, which, whether or not you think
deserved the Movie of the Year award, led to one of the most
historic moments in the history of surf history.
Fuck the WSL
Still, Albee and filmmaker Dan Norkunas were not happy.
AD was a wonderful film that maybe deserved to win the war
against Noa Deane and his band of deplorables. But like our good
friend Pottz oft reminds us: You can’t just beat the champ, you
have to destroy him. If it’s close, the judges will always give it
to the veteran.
Albee and Norkunas maybe fell victim to the legacy of Joe G.
But now they are no longer rookies. They’ve paid their dues,
mended their wounds, and come back twice nay thrice as
strong! Their new film, Nervous Laughter, will surely
place them in the prestigious Surfer Poll victory circle.
How do I know? Well, the below section didn’t even make the cut.
Seven minutes of pumping Fiji was deemed not quite good enough for
this film.
Methinks Albee should start working on a divisive catch phrase
for the acceptance speech.