Are the beasts evolving?
Sharks are mean and their identity politics make them meaner. Can we all just agree on that? They have mean eyes, mean teeth, mean skin and only care about mean issues. Like biting surfers at random. Until last week, though, I thought they were normal mean. Like Southern Democrats.
But I was wrong. Sharks are, apparently, also sadistic and possibly ritualistic.
There is a beach near Santa Barbara, you see, where a person is attacked during the month of October every other year. Let’s read about it!
Beachgoers have been attacked by white sharks at Surf Beach every two years like clockwork, in October of 2008, 2010, 2012, and 2014. It may seem unlikely that one shark could be responsible for all of these incidents, but that’s not necessarily true. A researcher told The Discovery Channel that the pattern was “eerie” because “adult female white sharks have a 2-year migration pattern, so it could be the same shark coming to the same beach every two years.”
A highly migratory animal like the shark will sometimes return to the same exact spot, on the same day, every year or two.
Here’s the pattern of attacks that has occurred at Surf Beach.
October 2008: Kyle Knapp was surfing when a shark attacked his board; he escaped unharmed.
October 22, 2010: 19-year-old Lucas Ransom was surfing when a shark bit him on the leg and pulled him underwater. His friend managed to pull him to shore, but not in time to save him.
October 23, 2012: 39-year-old Francisco Javier Solorio Jr., father of two children, was surfing when a shark bit him on the torso and pulled him underwater. As in Ransom’s case, a friend managed to pull him to shore, but not in time to save him.
October 3, 2014: Ryan Howell was kayaking when a shark attacked his boat and pulled him into the water. He managed to escape unharmed, and credits the kayak — which was stuck between him and the shark — for saving his life.
What about October 2016? It was said that the shark was out going door to door for her candidate Hillary Clinton which surprised people because Trump was widely seen by the Fake News as a more shark friendly option.
If you happen to find yourself near Santa Barbara in October, 2018 do you think you’ll try your luck at Surf Beach?