What sort of person are you when the surf turns on?
What happens to your heart when you know that better than good, maybe even epic, surf is headed your way? Does it soar into unspeakable ecstasy because you know exactly where you are going to go and at what time and with what board? Or does stutter into paroxysms of dislocation because should you go here or there? Should you go at this time or that? Should you ride one board or the other and whom should you invite?
When the surf is poor I feel we are all equal experts but when it has the chance to be good then we are separated by chasms. What is your “good surf is here” modus operandi? Are you…
…the sort that paddles out at the most well-known spot in the morning?
…the sort that sits with your map, tide booklet, while online looking at winds, pinpointing the place and moments you will surf?
…the sort that calls your bro who knows?
…the sort who heads out the front even though the swell is totally going to miss out the front?
…the sort who drives up and down the coast up and down the coast up and down the coast fearing that whichever spot you choose will not be the best of the best of the best?
…the sort that sits at home because it is going to be so fucking crowded everywhere and screw it?
…the sort heads toward the spot that the swell is missing on purpose because bigger waves scare?
…the sort that wishes “swell events” stopped happening because decisions are difficult?
…the sort that lives for this?
I am the sort that stalks Damien Hobgood and paddles out where I think he is on an inappropriately short surfboard.
Not too cool but also better than drive up and down the coast bro.
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Steph or Rasta? The world may never know! Oh wait... it's Steph. | Photo: Morgan Maassen
Vanity Fair calls it "a surprising moment of political self-awareness!"
Have you seen Taylor Steele’s latest, and maybe last, surf film Proximity? I have not and would have continued to not if I hadn’t read a little nugget in the most recent Vanity Fair. Steele along with Rob Machado were in Montauk at the famous Surf Lodge screening the film and mingling with Rose McGowan who screened a short film too.
Do you remember Rose McGowan? She was in Scream and married, briefly, to Marilyn Manson. Or maybe they just dated. Whichever the case she is now a filmmaker and Vanity Fair described her short as, “Confident, poetic, and bathed in saturated reds and greens…”
Nice, no?
Even nicer, though, was the review given to Taylor Steele’s offering. Let’s read…
McGowan’s film screened directly before Proximity, a 55-minute cinematic surf-dream directed by Taylor Steele, featuring a seasoned, Buddha-like Kelly Slater and the ultra-slick Rob Machado. In one particular scene, pro surfers Dave Rastovich and Stephanie Gilmore—a female surfer who, earlier in the film, compliments Rastovich on his occasionally feminine surfing sensibilities, effectively reversing gender norms in a surprising moment of political self-awareness—catch a seemingly perfect wave together. In one long, glorious shot, the pair dance, carve, and intertwine like two exotic birds in a wild double-helix courting ritual. It was pure instinctual magic.
Buddha-like Kelly Slater? Ultra-slick Rob Machado? Gender bending Steph and Rasta surprising in a moment of political self-awareness?
Yes, I think I will see Proximity and I think you will too.
Or do you hate the idea of genderless bathrooms? Or does this sort of Libtard talk fill you with uncontrollable rage?
Chas Smith and broadcaster David Scales tackle the big issues!
Recently, Chas Smith had his bi-weekly frolic with the podcaster David Scales on his show Surf Splendor. Usually, I find podcasts an ordeal, a torture likely to put me in bed for a week or longer.
Does anyone know how to cut the dead air? The gags that don’t work? The eternal diversions that stretch the things beyond an hour?
Mr Scales, however, is a passionate broadcaster, and pedant, whose fury when the rules of grammar are broken is something worth listening to. Last week, Albee Layer had his neck wrung; today it’s Martin Potter for using the world literally instead of figuratively.
(Will someone point out to Mr Scales about his own grammar crimes, such as the unstoppable onslaught of the word, like, as a filler word, the Californian semi-colon.)
Chas, meanwhile, talks about Wilko’s hair, why forced marriage is a good thing, the ideal body shape for surfers, front-foot deck grip, soft surfboards and so forth.
Newcastle's Dixon Park turns into Pipe for one beautiful day!
Newcastle is a funny lil metropolis two hours drive north of Sydney. It ain’t quite rural but, despite its size, it ain’t quite city.
And so you have a swinging hipster scene, the sort that spawned Craig Anderson, contrasting with ferocious Australiana, best personified by the former CTer Matt Hoy.
What unifies Newcastle is an occasionally remarkable series of beaches. With the right swell, oowee, you could be at any world-class reef.
“Eight-footers, no problem with that, way overhead,” says Bosko. It was a session populated by a squad (squad in the military rather than pop culture sense, as in eight to twenty four men) of less than a dozen surfers.
The usual crew says Bosko. Ryan Callinan, Chad Edser, Ryhs Smith, Travis Lynch, even sixty-six-year-old local schoolteacher Tim Laurie.
Bosko describes a wave during the session pictured where Laurie, “who absolutely fucking charges”, took off sideways into the barrel and was “absolutely imploded. Sixty-six years old, mate,” says Bosko.
The surfer inside this cabana is Paul Snow, who got barrelled so far down the line Bosko has no idea if he came out of it.
I’ve seen a lot of photos of Newcastle, Luke Egan, Hoy, Ando and so forth thrusting themselves sideways and upwards, but this image electrifies me.
It touches on that dream you have as a kid when, once, just once, your local beach turns into Pipe. And, you, having grown up surfing it, are the king for one day.
Does this photo affect you in a similar way?
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Jordy Smith is the worst safety surfer on tour. Did you notice after the Grit bought numerical analysis to the game that the WSL cribbed it? I did. This time an analysis of Jordy turn-by-turn was done. I went through every single one of his scoring waves and gave every turn a number from 1-10. Ten was the highest-risk turn, the most radical and zero was, well, falling off or doing nothing. Jordy's camp can rail against this and shoot the messenger or they can do the analysis themselves and face the reality. Absent an angry, belligerent Jordy, what we get is safe, low energy surfing. As a reference point, Jordy's standard top-turn wrap, a turn he can do with zero risk 99.99% of the time, was assigned a five. This was painstaking, tedious work. Out of 85 counted turns, 17 scored in the excellent range (eight and above) and eight of those came in a single heat (round five resurf against Conner Coffin, Jordy's best heat by a mile). Jordy's average turn score came in at a very safe 6.22. That is, safe surfing. | Photo: WSL/@tsherms
Writer analyses every single scoring wave of Jordy Smith at J-Bay. The results will shock!
This was supposed to happen the next day but I ran into an old friend in the carpark and a few shots of spiced rums later there we went again, no sober analysis.
Then, the local point was falling out of the sky over the weekend and the sober analysis got kicked to the kerb.
But this one is real.
Straight up, there were five or six surfers in the draw who, theoretically, could have done what Filipe did. And I include Italo, Gabby, and reluctantly Kolohe in that list, but only one other likely to do it in a heat, that being John John Florence.
But while John could have done it but didn’t, Filipe did. Not once, but twice.
John didn’t because he has been trained, both by his own hand and by his coach, to restrict the performance envelope. This is what pro surfing does. It penalises mistakes so heavily because of the format that a certain amount of conservatism is mandatory. John has learnt to surf at a lesser level than his peak best, as has every other member of the top ten. The only exception to this rule being Kelly Slater, who has learnt to surf better in competition than he does in free surfs.
Or had.
Any quasi-competent recreational surfer could ride J-Bay as beautiful as it gets and stitch together a pair of threes on best-ever rides. Any competent pointbreak surfer can ride the tube at Supers. The pro’s are expected to exploit that canvas to reach hitherto unseen levels of performance.
That is what makes Filipe’s wave, his overall performance, despite some stylistic flaws, the best in pro surfing history. The fact that he was so easily able and willing to overcome the inherent conservatism of a man-on-man heat and the pro surfing format in general.
Mick Fanning said the wave (J-Bay) is the star and we are just here to do nothing and make the wave look good.
Au contraire Michael.
Any quasi-competent recreational surfer could ride J-Bay as beautiful as it gets and stitch together a pair of threes on best-ever rides. Any competent pointbreak surfer can ride the tube at Supers. The pro’s are expected to exploit that canvas to reach hitherto unseen levels of performance.
And, by and large, they didn’t.
When you consider Andy Irons opened the final at Barra in Mexico in 2006, more than 10 years ago, with a lofty straight air as an opening move. A section connector. And you consider what Filipe did, you realise how much music has been left unplayed.
Jordy Smith is the worst safety surfer on tour. Did you notice after the Grit bought numerical analysis to the game that the WSL cribbed it? I did. This time an analysis of Jordy turn-by-turn was done. I went through every single one of his scoring waves and gave every turn a number from 1-10. Ten was the highest-risk turn, the most radical and zero was, well, falling off or doing nothing.
Jordy’s camp can rail against this and shoot the messenger or they can do the analysis themselves and face the reality. Absent an angry, belligerent Jordy, what we get is safe, low energy surfing.
As a reference point, Jordy’s standard top-turn wrap, a turn he can do with zero risk 99.99% of the time, was assigned a five. This was painstaking, tedious work. Out of 85 counted turns, 17 scored in the excellent range (eight and above) and eight of those came in a single heat (round five resurf against Conner Coffin, Jordy’s best heat by a mile).
Jordy’s average turn score came in at a very safe 6.22. That is, safe surfing.
Jordy’s camp can rail against this and shoot the messenger or they can do the analysis themselves and face the reality. Absent an angry, belligerent Jordy, what we get is safe, low energy surfing.
Sad, yes. Inevitable, no.
Nothing lights up the proud surfwriter more than going sloppy fourths on a subject. On the tens there is only one conclusion we can reach and it is well supported by the science of psychology.
A mass abrogation of executive function bought on by a sustained period of emotional over-excitement and subsequent discharge.
Translated: Judges lost their marbles after viewing too many perfect waves. You can Google all this Richie Porta. Type executive function, human decision making, effects of emotion, cognitive bias, flaws in decision making etc.
It’s all there. No blame, no judgement. What’s astounding is not when judges freak out but how often they get it right. We can wait until the next iteration of pro surfing before judging changes.
