Fact: The people despise Surf Ranch!

The masses chant "Fuck the WSL!" just like Noa Deane!

Oh how my soul has been buoyed today by you. By the people. The bald clouds have officially left my sky and the sun shines through upsold Stuttgart tint illuminating both my spirit and path forward in this new dystopian world.

We will overcome!

We are the resistance!

99% lyphe!

Yesterday, you see, Derek Rielly and I both put out starkly opposing viewpoints on Kelly Slater’s Wave Ranch. I hate it and hate it honestly and truly and with everything in me. Seriously. Much of what I write here flips between semi and hyper ironic but that fucking wave pool. Ooooooh. I want, as I said on the Grit! podcast, for Kim Jong Un to sic his hydrogen bombs upon it.

Derek Rielly loves it. Loves it to the point of lusty tears. Loves it and would give up on most everything to be able to surf it everyday.

Who is right?

I am.

You have spoken. You and scientific analysis. For our impassioned pleas were offered up and you have chosen and you have chosen that Kelly’s Modern Hell is a gutless abomination.

My story received (at last count) 160 BeachGrit hearts (shares).

Derek Rielly’s? A mere 57.

So what do we do about that shit, assuming Kim Jong Un can’t quite target nor intercontinental yet?

Should we stand outside Surf Ranch with picket signs? Should we propose a general strike?

Help! I’m new to the people! How do we shut down Wave Ranch forever?

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nyc surfing golden boy
nyc surfing golden boy
9 years ago

its because there has been 50 fucking articles on this bullshit in the last month.. thats why!!

mrmarkfitzy
mrmarkfitzy
9 years ago

Haters gotta hate but Leemore is about to turn out the best wave pool surfers since Rick Kane! https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

channelbottom
channelbottom
9 years ago

This.

Snowbored
Snowbored
9 years ago

Gonna have to do a remake of he movie “north shore” except it will be a reality show and the new rick Kane will go on to rule the wolf – pak, pipeline posse and da hui!!!

?uzzled
?uzzled
9 years ago

Does Chaz have his own Porsche to match his wife’s or is he just riding bitch?

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
9 years ago

Kurtz went to far and the company put him down .But in this case KELLY IS THE COMPANY!

qtsg
qtsg
9 years ago

It’s pretty important to remember that Beachgrit’s people are the ‘huddle in a forgotten corner of the internet muttering about the golden era of Blashphemy Rottmouth’ kind of people. An insignificant group of swivel-eyed retards, of no interest to the corporate surf world. The real The People are mindlessly sipping a Corona, hooting “yeeeewwww” as another perfect wave reels by and live tweeting tearful hagiography to Slater’s various social media accounts

Bleach'd Git
Bleach'd Git
9 years ago
Reply to  qtsg

Tru dat.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
9 years ago
Reply to  qtsg

And who wouldn’t want to be with the ‘swivel-eyed retards’* rather than the corona sipping, mindlessly ‘yeeeewwww-ing, live tweeting suckophants?

*French accent please.

Jocks
Jocks
9 years ago

Amen

qtsg
qtsg
9 years ago

well obviously we all do align. i did have a point about great schisms, bait balls, panicked herd behaviour but jesus it’s late, i’m awfully drunk and it seems less important than maybe it did before.

Brutus
Brutus
9 years ago
Reply to  qtsg

So that’s why the WSL has been leaking to Stab mag , in the hopes of finding their futuristic business plan , that will thankfully be an elitist one so , “we the people” can only see the very best surfers?

turts
turts
9 years ago

4 days ago I was sitting in the ocean at a remote location in the NW of Oz surfing a world class left when a pod of 6 humpback whales swam through the take off area. I’ll choose random over predictable any day. Staring out to the endless sea waiting can’t be replicated.

turts
turts
9 years ago

The resemblance is uncanny

in tubo veritas
in tubo veritas
9 years ago

so this is the reason ADS was so gloomy on the post heat interviews..we had not been invited to the Ranch..

Bleach'd Git
Bleach'd Git
9 years ago

Please call a general strike for tomorrow. At least until the wind picks up at about 3pm.

channelbottom
channelbottom
9 years ago

By focusing on the thing you hate, you give it power over you.

channelbottom
channelbottom
9 years ago

African or European?

Anthony Arturo Leone
Anthony Arturo Leone
9 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

It could carry it by the husk

Eddie Haiku
Eddie Haiku
9 years ago

No comment.

Italo Post Heat Interview
Italo Post Heat Interview
9 years ago

Maybe forming some kind of ANTIWA militia could stop Kelly’s mechanical abomination?

Real Miki Dora
Real Miki Dora
9 years ago

I’m with you Chas. I don’t understand the hype about it. It’s not surfing.
Now let’s wait for Derek’s brutal retaliation.

Tristan
Tristan
9 years ago

What’s the carbon footprint of that thing?

Tired old guy
Tired old guy
9 years ago
Reply to  Tristan

That’s what keeps running through my mind… takes a lot of chia seeds to power that contraption

throwing disqus
throwing disqus
9 years ago
Reply to  Tristan

you seen the amount of solar panels set up powering it.?
Google street view is even more impressive.

Its roughly about 1 mil to set up a solar farm that big.

https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

ricmatic
ricmatic
9 years ago

Let’s not quibble about who killed who

dickie toledo
dickie toledo
9 years ago

stop #34 on the wsl tour, the dan bilzarian vegas invitational. billboards behind the moving wave tool. cheerleaders shooting t-shirt into half-empty stands. floating balloons the rider has to pop for more points.

channelbottom
channelbottom
9 years ago
Reply to  dickie toledo

Guy playing a Wurlitzer on top of plough train as it shunts along: all the pop hits.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
9 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Oh. If they do this I’ll change my tune.

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
9 years ago
Reply to  channelbottom

Pop hits? It would be more appropriate to have highlights from “Oklahoma!”

ricmatic
ricmatic
9 years ago

Lancelot, Galahad and I wait until nightfall and leap out of the rabbit..


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