Mars Volta drummer Jon Theodore scores surfing by
Mick Fanning.
Do you remember the post-career trajectory of pro
surfers pre-Kelly Slater? It was rarely pretty. A regional
surf school or a little freelance surf coaching was the best anyone
could hope for.
Soon, what was left of the sponsorship money dried up and it was
mouth upon ice pipe to dull the despair and hopelessness.
Oh, I know, I exaggerate a little.
Now, as shown by Kelly Slater, a pro surfing career can easily
morph into a series of profitable businesses. Kelly has a pool, a
clothing label, surfboards.
And, Mick Fanning, whom we’ll watch in the short movie below,
has beer, boards and battery chargers.
This clip which was scored by the former Mars Volta, and current
Queens of the Stone Age, drummer Jon Theodore is a promo for Grapes
the Cat, a cut-price charger for your telephone.
Theodore liberates us from the hold of guitars and electronica
with a solo whose rhythmic tension, moments of relaxation and
subtlety, mirror wonderfully the surfing of thirty-six-year-old
Fanning.
(I am writing a series about Yemen because what is currently
happening there is terrible beyond. My inaction disgusts me and so
I am going to introduce you to to the country because… the place,
people, culture all deserve to be saved. Catch up, if you wish, on
the links right here… Prologue,
Chapter 1,
Chapter 2,
Chapter 3,
Chapter 4,
Chapter
5)
The city of Aden is almost 9 hours directly
south from Sana’a though it is an entire world away. We drove past
qat plantations, old rock towers, goats being tended by boys and
the first of many government checkpoints as we dropped from the
genteel temperate highland into the sweltering humid cacophony.
Horns blared, traffic backed up, sweat dripped from my forehead
down underneath my Spy wrap-arounds like a waterfall.
There is something comforting about humidity, though, even at
its most oppressive. Dream surf doesn’t break in temperate zones.
It breaks in Indonesia and southern Mexico and Fiji and Tahiti. And
even though we didn’t figure Aden would have any waves due
Somalia’s jutting presence it officially felt like we were on a
surf trip.
Our bodyguards, too, seemed thrilled to be out of the house.
They were brothers from Marib, that wild city up near Sana’a, and
sang its praises but being in Aden meant vacation. They were mostly
business during the drive, shuffling through our various government
permissions, arguing with the military men who questioned the
validity of our trip, flashing just the right amount of anger. But
Major Ghamdan al-Shoefy, the elder, got a sly smile when we stopped
for an overpriced lunch just outside the city. He went behind the
restaurant dressed in his dinner jacket/curved knife and came back
in a thin button-up/futa. The futa is what Yemenis call the sarong
which is what Balinese ex-pat hippies call the full length skirt.
It is worn by He then busily started making arrangements on a beat
up Nokia phone with prayer beads attached.
Hunein, the younger, had eyes as big as ours.
Where Sana’a is delicate, Aden is bawdy. It has the perfect
decrepit British outpost feeling like Bombay and parts of Hong
Kong. Governmental buildings, train stations and schools echo the
glory of empire past mixed in with the taste that something could
go very wrong at any second. Humanity piled on top of humanity in a
tinderbox. We drove though the city in entirety out to an older
hotel on Elephant Bay and there, in front of us, were waves. Real
waves. Waist high peelers running off a sandbar.
We couldn’t believe it. We were in a bay in a sea so shadowed by
Africa that it seemed… impossible. Now I know that waves are never
quite where you expect them to be but back then I thought it was a
miracle. We pulled the board coffins off the Landrover as quickly
as we could, stripped down into below the knee Op and ran straight
into the warm bath.
I was higher than I had ever been in my entire life. It was like
a bad day at Huntington but, as far as I was concerned, the trip
was a massive success. We were surfing.
In Yemen.
And we stayed surfing in Yemen until the sun slid into the bay
before driving into town for a celebratory fish dinner all salt
crusted and sore, toasting cold Canada Drys and laughing. Our
bodyguards seemed pleased too. Ghamdan kept up some banter about
ladeez and booze. We told him we didn’t come to Yemen for that but
it didn’t dim his passion as he kept working on his Nokia.
When we were finished we got back in the Landcruiser to head to
the hotel for sleep and then another surf in the morning before
pressing on and finding… who knew? Barrels? The next G-Land?
The streets were crowded with city dwellers who had spent the
heat of the day crouching in whatever shade they could find and
were now alive once again. Futas, small pistols, stares, the call
to prayer.
We pulled onto a small side road then onto a bigger one then a
pick-up up filled with men pulled up alongside us and they all
started barking through heavy beards while waving Kalashnikovs.
Ghamdan barked back for a minute before punching it through a
crowded intersection with the truck close on our tail.
“What’s going on?” we asked.
“Al-Qaeda” he responded.
His face was neither fearful nor taut but rather pulled into the
universal smirk of
oh-dang-those-rascal-water-balloon-kids-from-down-the-street-are-after-us.
It was a game and he was going to win.
He drove like a bat out of hell, burning around corners, missing
fruit carts, racing past angry shouts, looking over his shoulder
almost gleeful. Eventually we lost them but then a new game began.
He was going to find them and sped around the streets in wild
circles looking this way and that but they had disappeared into the
heat.
Ghamdan was disappointed and, frankly, so were we. I don’t know
what would have happened had we met up again but it all felt like a
movie and this is the thing. Terms “Al-Qaeda” and “radical
Islamist” and “jihadis” etc. all mean something so specific here.
They are cemented. Locked down. Very naughty and purely
causative.
A + B = C.
Islam + Radicalization = Terrorist.
There everything seemed as fluid as Canada Dry. I have no idea
if the men in the pick-up were actually Al-Qaeda. Maybe they were
just religious. I have no idea what they were barking about. Maybe
we stole their parking spot. Later we would meet all sorts of men
who identified with Al-Qaeda, who believed 9/11 was a good thing,
who were excited about the coming destruction of the Great Satan.
We would drink coffee and discuss and then discuss other things,
like cars or fishing or music videos, before parting with firm
handshakes.
Belief in something, in anything, bonds.
But I didn’t know any of this yet. All I knew was the ten
minutes spent racing through Aden felt as joyous as finding
surf.
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Wanted: Surfers’ Fecal Samples!
By Steve Rees
Relief and scientific advancement!
Growing up, some of us thought that the best
way to Live the Life was to shirk the demands of school.
Others see more than a swell or two ahead.
Take, for example, BeachGrit’s Chas Smith, a
degree in advanced linguistics and a former UCLA teacher, or Aaron
James, author of Surfing with Sartre. James holds a PhD
from Harvard.
And now, Cliff Kapono, a surfing doctoral candidate at
University of California, San Diego.
Cliff, like Chas and Dr. James, uses his job as a foil to
sustain a life of surfing. Cliff’s little scam includes traveling
around the world — serendipitously to serious breaks — to do his
research for the “good of mankind.”
LA JOLLA, Calif. — On a recent trip, Cliff Kapono hit some
of the more popular surf breaks in Ireland, England and Morocco.
He’s proudly Native Hawaiian and no stranger to the hunt for the
perfect wave. But this time he was chasing something even more
unusual: microbial swabs from fellow surfers.
Mr. Kapono, a 29-year-old biochemist earning his doctorate
at the University of California, San Diego, heads up the Surfer
Biome Project, a unique effort to determine whether routine
exposure to the ocean alters the microbial communities of the body,
and whether those alterations might have consequences for surfers —
and for the rest of us.
Mr. Kapono has collected more than 500 samples by rubbing
cotton-tipped swabs over the heads, mouths, navels and other parts
of surfers’ bodies, as well as their boards. Volunteers also donate
a fecal sample.
Did you guess? (Hint: It’s the last paragraph. The whole last
paragraph.)
While we all applaud Kapono for making waves part of his work,
we probably wouldn’t want to shake his hand.
“Volunteers also donate a fecal sample?”
How far is too far to Live the Life?
My friends and I use to frequent a research hospital on weekends
to finance trips to Tamarindo. Charming blue-checked medical gown,
some TV, ping-pong gambling, a couple of injections of whatever and
a $750 check to cash on Monday.
Easy money.
But can you imagine waiting on the beach to ask, “Hey, can I
have some of your poop?”
And, therefore, the question of the day is, what would you do
for cash?
How far have you gone?
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Breaking: Kelly Slater makes a left!
By Chas Smith
His eponymous wave pool also swings the other
way!
The World Surf League just released footage of
Mr. Pipeline, Gerry Lopez, having a languid little cruise in
Lemoore, California. Barrels n turns n such. 100 miles from the
nearest beach. 500 miles from the nearest barrel. 1000 miles from
Bend, Oregon. 5000 miles from the North Shore.
When Kelly Slater and his crew completed construction on
their latest version of the wave, they revealed a perfect left.
When it came time to deciding who would ride the first wave, Slater
knew exactly who he wanted to give the honor to. “I really wanted
Gerry to ride the first left, just to say thanks for your
commitments and what you’ve given to surfing over the
years.”
Gerry, who’s been operating on a higher plane for decades
now, is a longtime believer in tapping into surf energy wherever it
can be found, whether that’s a speed reef in Indonesia, a river
wave near his house in Bend, Oregon, or the Surf Ranch. So what did
he think after riding a few gems?
“That’s the future, bro,” he told Slater afterward. “That’s
it man.”
I have nothing to add at this time, though am chasing leads and…
interviews (just kidding. I’m mixing a cocktail). Tomorrow we’ll
discuss in gret depth (just kidding. I’ll be hungover).
In truth though, is this really the future?
Like really really?
Like really really really really really?
More as it develops (just kidding. Unless “as it develops”
refers to my alcoholism).
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Endorsement: The full nude surf
change!
By Chas Smith
Want to feel free? It's easy!
This morning I went for a surf on my new
asymmetrical surfboard from Album. The waves were small, walled and
dumpy. I had a fantastic time and will discuss the revelation of
asymmetry soon but in the meantime we have something very important
to consider.
The pre-surf change.
I had forgotten my towel, you see, and stood there behind my car
in black APC jeans looking at my trunks. What to do? Get my car,
close the doors and try to be discreet? Use my shirt as a makeshift
towel? Not surf?
Then I thought back to the very first time I visited Derek
Rielly in Australia. I had come to write something for Stab and
Derek and Sam picked me up at the airport, said there were waves
and we were going surfing. Nothing but nothing beats washing off a
transpacific flight like salt water so I was happy. We went to some
beach south, or maybe north, of Sydney, got out of the car and the
waves looked fun.
Derek proceeded to get all the way naked in order to get into
his wetsuit. I can’t remember what Sam did but I do remember
thinking “Wow! Australia is so much more progressive! So much less
uptight than America!”
I assumed that everyone naked changed in Australia and only
realized this was not the case days later when, in Bondi’s carpark
watched Derek get full nude again and watched the upset stares from
passersby.
In any case, Derek was progressive and as I stood behind my car
I thought, “Fuck towels (except Leus
who make an exceptional product)” and got nude myself.
I stood for a minute, out in the open and felt… free.
Then I went out and had a fantastic time in slop.
When I came in I saw all manner of men changing from wetsuit or
trunk to pant or short and vice versa. Some had normal towels.
Others had long dumb panchos. Some were standing on mats with their
towels. Others were standing on the street with their panchos.
If they only knew what true liberty really felt like. If they
only knew that shame needn’t control their lives. If only we could
all be free.
You won’t find me in a towel again (unless its by Leus). I
encourage you to be bold too.