Venice Beach's leading surf mag hops time machine to 2015!
It was the greatest day in modern surf journalism history when Stab bought itself back from SurfStitch just weeks ago. Didn’t you think? Gone was the tyranny of bad advertorial. Of forced FCS fin champion stories and embarrassing spiels about “liquidity events.
The slate was wiped clean. The “liquidity event” disappeared.
But how was this new entity going to position itself in the crowded surf landscape? Surf journalism was not the same place it was when Stab became Australia’s leading online surfwear retailer’s leading online magazine.
The answer revealed itself today. It is going to position itself exactly like your li’l old BeachGrit from two years ago!
The tides have been turning that way for quite some time with BeachGrit luminary after BeachGrit luminary finding a soft landing near Venice Beach, California. Today another penned his maiden piece.
Ladies and gentleman may I reintroduce… Rory Parker!
Yes that Rory Parker!
Are you thrilled to have him back (and by “back” I mean not writing for The Inertia)? I am. BeachGrit ’15 had such promise until that dastardly Cori Schumacher showed up. And until Rory went to the North Shore and…
…and covered the Pipe masters!
I suppose it is poetic that Rory’s maiden piece for Stab is also about the North Shore. A place he… is totally not afraid of.
But who do you think Stab is going to hire next? Derek and I are the only two left.
Derek? Don’t leave me. Please don’t leave me.
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I wouldn’t worry about it, their comment section still seems to be infected with utter morons. Stupid people I can forgive (or overlook). Stupid people who think they are funny need to be brought under control. Something like myxomatosis would do it. Something like that.
Welcome back, Negatron. In the absence of weaponised diseases, you’ll do fine.
Rosy will dye her hair black and become a nicer yet more physically powerful PJ Harvey.
Our Nick Carrol gave Rorey quite a dressing down on Rory’s pod cast so possibly he took note of a few of the home truths Nick dealt out.
Warshaw! And we call the band, Warsaw!
Named after a Joy Division song. You depressive, anti-depressive son’s of bitches!
Warsaw was Joy Division’s original name, no? But, yeah, the point stands.
Roy Division was Warshaw’s original name, no?
the bucket bongos
Here’s some bucket drums to thrive your drive.
https://youtu.be/FqJdzYY_Fas
Golden
Derek Riley = Stuart Sutcliffe
So Derek is good looking, artistic, nice guy, but shit on the bass!
Sounds like you guys should join the two and have a StabGrit IPO and make yourselves super rich and the whole family can be together again!!
Maybe Chelsea Cannell could cameo? Those curvy gams!
It’d be a lot easier to hate you if you could only write a shit song
When Chas pens the single
“Ranch Dressing”, you’ll realize how right your statement is.
Happy to do the Cover art for the first single.
The first single is, Weakened by Desperation. Whaddya got?
Let me know when to send to print. https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Subtle!
It was the first image that came up on google images when i typed in “limp dick”.. time is money.
He still looks too hopeful.
Like he’s only one good thought from rising to the occassion.
Only if you play the record in reverse.
This band will never part. Chemistry’s too strong.
And who manages the ensemble? Who wears the gold brocade smoking jacket and smokes the panetella?
As Stab is a commercial version of grit The core surf consumer will always support The grits authenticity shown by only recieving payment in Lost surfboards.
Stab was cherrypickin’ well before they were cherrypickin’. Take for example MC poach. I agree that a no-eyed dog walkin’ backwards could appreciate that Morgs stank upwind in Lemoore. The People are best suited to spy with they-feel-slighted eye.
Ren = Rory
Stimpy n’ Friend = Chas n Derek
New supergroup:
Chas – Vox,
Derek – guitar,
Ashton – keys,
Rory – Drums.
Lewis Samuels – Tambourine.
Derek Hynd – triangle,
Doherty – glokenspiel,
NC – MC
And tell me, what genre of music does this esoteric lineup play?
A good song is a good song. They transcend genre. Couple of fist fights on the bus though
Faces etched permanently haggard by all the touring!
Calypso. Most of the band wanted to play reggae, but no one knows how to play bass. So, well….yeah, that was a problem. Calypso was a fall back that became plan A. When the band wins it’s first Music Award, your management will force you to thank UB40 first and foremost. Your second album will suck. And…..your first album sucked too! Red Red Rory Whine.
the nickleback of surf media!
More Capt Beefheart. Lots of notes (ha ha)
Ohhhhhh now you are just reading what you feel. The day Rory left was BG’s greatest.
A gem of surfy journalism:
“… when Stab became Australia’s leading online surfwear retailer’s leading online magazine.”
Ummmm I’m confused!
Rory’s tone?
Quiksilver sad Eddie not running 😢 SAD!
At least it’s better than his podcast, and those tedious questions about sucking Slater’s dick
I can’t concentrate on the STAB articles due to the deafening roar from its staff-writers back slapping each other…
You’re back Neg…..how they hanging~?
Yeah i’m back…
How they hanging? Tighter and higher after a couple of nice little Padang Padang shacks.
the staff Christmas party will be a hoot.
theres an email in my inbox this morning
Of course there is….. but give us a chance!
get him a quiver killer, STAT
you go get the coin, laddie. you deserve it. supplement that egg income from the chook pen … but don’t forget those chooks, those egg-laying underwriters have stuck by you through thick and thin!