The 11x world champ writes "hahahaha." about purportedly surfing in Portugal!
And wow. Did you read that rumor yesterday on Surfer (read here)? Kelly Slater purportedly dusting off the ol’ potato chip and returning to competition in Portugal? A hot one no doubt and from a knowledgeable source who spends time Lemoore-adjacent.
Oh Kelly hopped on Instagram to quickly deflate, writing something like, “hahahaha. I can guarantee this one is not true.” Except anyone who has been in this game longer than a few years know that the 11 x world champ is an absolute master of manipulating a narrative.
And here is why it is very plausible that Kelly Slater will maybe could might return triumphant to Portugal.
1) Portugal is not his favorite event and little would be expected of him. He could, theoretically, paddle out, give his foot a few squirts, see how it feels then paddle in. Like spring training baseball. Or pre-season football. A perfect place to test, smile, laugh and pretend not to be serious.
2) Returning for the Pipeline Masters would, no doubt, be more triumphant and there is no way Kelly will not surf that event. With that being true wouldn’t he want to theoretically paddle out, give his foot a little jams, see how it feels then paddle in the penultimate event?
3) The penultimate event is Portugal.
Ummm. I guess that’s it. But mark my words, Kelly Slater will either surf in Portugal or think about surfing in Portugal.
Probably.
Would rather see him surf Nazare.
The big question Slater is really asking: who is Dorf?
This article was brought to you by the letter P.
Portugal, penultimate, purportedly, paddle, probably, plausible, pre season, perfectly, pretend, pipeline psubterfuge
Mactric potato chip feels left out of the p party
pfuck!
P…
read that with a mouthful of farofa…
If you knew anything about meteorology, bathymetry and pool parties, Chas, you’d know that October pumps in Lemoore. He’s not going anywhere else!
I’m thinking about surfing in Portugal, too. Since you’re about to be in charge, get me a WC… and get Ziff to pay the entry fee, lodging, and airfare… thanks, babe.
Need to brush up on my WSL acronyms. Thought you were talking about the Water Closet. They have those already in Portugal I think.
Isn’t he there already, why not give it a go? Better failing there than overhyped Pipe.
Also, what is up with that picture? Is that an Evo? What is the guy doing on the ground? and Kelly’s busting, super-tan bicep…
That’s not a guy, that’s a venerated surf journalist. Wigging out at Kelly’s manhood.
Listen her Covfefe, the fact you don’t know who the guy on the ground is, suggests you might not be qualified to be here.
The guy on the ground is Newport Plus’ monster penis progenitor
A comment on this probably eluded me.