A union is formed to break the stranglehold of World Surf League oppression!
Oooooh you know how angry Surf Ranch makes me. I boil for you, the people, who were uninvited to the maiden event, left beyond the wall, treated like the cows roaming the fields. And your servants in the surf media, dedicated to every story that happens in our surfing world, we were left out too. We dutifully cover the littlest stories, like Adriano de Sousa and Adriana Lima, asking for nothing in return. And for this we get treated like Pakistani dogs.
Oooooh the World Surf League, hereafter known as Upper Management, believes it owns the keys but it is WE the surfing people who are the means of production. For too long we have been force fed a diet of bland gruel. For too long we have been meekly thankful for Rosie Hodge post-heat interviews.
No longer.
The maiden Surf Ranch event was billed as a very small, totally private kicking of the tires. But then everyone had gorgeous jerseys that read Future Classic and many extremely wealthy people toasted Michelob Ultras and the New York Times reported that this event had the “perfect conditions for pro surfing.”
“The perfect conditions for pro surfing.” The people locked entirely out. The people forgotten. The people lapping gruel or maybe warm Grey Goose and soda.
And so surf media has no choice but to unionize and carry out a one day strike on behalf of the people. The Quiksilver France Pro will be commencing in less than a week and the storylines are legion. Title race closer than peas in a pod. Keanu Asing, last year’s champion, sidelined. It is anyone’s game but the finals will not be covered in any surf media.
The day will be dark (other than the bright light emanating from our joint singing of Internationale).
But the day after will be a glorious one. It will be like International Workers Day and Bastille Day combined. Upper Management brought to its knees. The people behind the wall toasting Michelob Ultras in the carved out skulls of investment bankers.
Viva the people!
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I wanna see dane reynolds there
So I saw an instagram from Carissa Moore that Nikki van Dijk won and that was like the first I’d heard that it was even running. Also, there was something about Tyler Wright and a torn MCL, but that was before the contest, maybe.
Viva the people Chas !!!
Strikes are for pussy. No time for half measures. I think the surf media should quit. Retire. Call it a day. Cash out. Move on. Find a new way. You never did, you don’t now and you never will represent “the people”. The people hate you, they hate pro surfing, the hate non related cooperation calling the shots. They just want to see some good waves every now and then and they don’t need your input or impressions on them. Go write some romance novels.
and boo hoo, quit whining that they didnt get invited to the party
I get grumpy like this too when my woman’s pussy goes on strike. Hang in there champ.
France is generally the best place to surrender…
Chas I think that’s pretty much exactly what the WSL wants – for us to go away.
This seems… misguided? But I guess they think they can be Red Bull and produce their own content. Problem is, Red Bull throws piles of money at their media projects and employs something like 150 people (maybe more now) just to produce content things. Idk, maybe the WSL has a sugary drink idea in mind to sell?
I highly doubt they’re gona sell surfing competitions to mainstream media outlets. I mean, I’d assume there’s a full-dress print feature on the wave pool in the works somewhere — Outside seems likely* — but week in, week out contests? Nah. And when the Olympics comes around, ya got a lot of sports to compete with for coverage. So many hard luck, up from the ashes stories, so little time.
*I don’t have any insidery knowledge on this, just like, guessing and speculatin’
You know what I think? I think they have too much money.
Wellll, that’s never really made anyone any smarter, now has it.
Also, I wish I had too much money.
Nup. The whole thing (quite unintentionally of course) has elements of a shell game, how much money can we get from the rich person before he realises the marble isn’t under any of the shells? Trouble is, the surf companies already took all the marbles!
I think the ISA might end up the winner in all of this, they’re actually holding contests with normal people in them — LOTS of normal people. And they’re the ones who’re gonna benefit from the Olympics.
I’m feeling those shell game vibes, for reals.
Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable
Cash cows have kept pro surfing going forever. It will find someone new after Dirk Ziff walks away.
Shellgame Capital isn’t trademarked in the US
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Speculatin’ about a hypothesis?
Marx would be proud
I find the idea of warm Grey Goose utterly repugnant. Does that mean I am or am’t The People, guv?
You are the people! Nobody but 5 am club creatures like warm Grey Goose and soda!
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Any excuse to repost Pulp.
Are you playing the role of Chairman Mao Chas, or just one of the people?
What was Rio then?
A song by Duran Duran where Rio was a metaphor for America where the band (brazzos) hoped to be popular.
The French rule when it comes to employment strikes and setting fire to stuff ……let it burn
Noa Deane vs Bobby Martinez.. fuck the WSL.. who said it best.???
Definitely Noa. Bobby’s was an elitist stand.
As opposed to a Xanax driven stupor
The drug of the people.
Might there be better options other than France to draw a Maginot Line against the Blitzkrieg of the WSL?
Yes, remember the Ardennes.
“It is anyone’s game but the finals will not be covered in any surf media.”
Good, I thought I’d have to miss the whole comp.
At least we still have round 4
So I don’t get the WSL and media bans. Can’t you just stand on the beach and take pictures etc.?
Not if the beach is made of concrete and surrounded by a wire fence.
How will we know?