Keramas is the new big shot on tour!
It was curious, yesterday, to read the extraordinary descriptions of the horrors of a tour minus Lowers.
BeachGrit principal Chas Smith complained of a “broken heart”. What Youth‘s Travis Ferré said he felt “icky”.
It was reminiscent, of course, of the epic tantrums thrown when the WSL threw on a test event at Surf Ranch two months ago. Chas said he hated the pool more, even, than the Apple Genius bar. Travis called it “elitist and weird.”
Calendar-wise, the Lowers event is replaced by five days of Surf Ranch gymnastics. And, here, you can subscribe to sentimentality (Kelly’s dominance of the wave) and existential worries and tie yourself up in contradictory knots and say it’s the end of surfing and so forth, but it ain’t. It just ain’t. (Did the vibrator replace the phallus?)
A more worthy discussion is whether or not Keramas, which swings into the Cloudbreak slot and which now become’s the tour’s high-fidelity event, is better, or not, than Lowers.
And let’s be frank.
Keramas is twice the waves Lowers could ever be. Three times.
Oh, on its day, Lowers delivers ripe, spilling lips, both left and right, which allows a wallow-and-suck orgy.
But only on its day.
How many days does it have? How much blue compared to grey? And that sudden arrival of a Great White colony? That ain’t no fun.
Keramas has push behind its Indian Ocean swells which allows a surgical virtuosity y’aint always going to get at Lowers.
Plus, you can watch the Keramas event from a pool, the bedroom of a five-hundred-dollar-a-night villa, and all through the bottom of a gin and tonic brought to you by a gorgeous indigenous host with honey streaks in her hair, spongy upright tits and skin the colour of an Ubud sunset.
Watch John John and Seabass at Keramas here, the Mad Huey event from last year below that, and tell me Lowers is better than Keramas.
It don’t come close.
Its an epic spot for a comp, Oakley and Mad Huey’s events were epic contests and atmosphere!
But why another right? As asked by another clever scribe recently…”why not one of Bali’s epic lefts?” Its a Brazilian conspiracy i tell you!!
Errr, has anyone asked That Dead Whale at Trestles about this? He’s been a bit quiet lately and I fear this may have tipped him over the edge.
I saw the writing on the wall. Never be the first to the party. And never be the last one to leave. But that wasn’t the impetus. You see, I had nothing left to prove to my whaley self. Once I had been referenced on the Scales/Smith podcast, and upvoted a Chazz Michael Michaels comment, I felt the whaley’s work was done. Have since been on Otto pilot you could say.
Fuck DR, just get a job with Pornhub and be done with it.
Could one argue that Cloudbreak/Restaurants was the best wave on the tour? And not a mention, much less a tear …
All tits are indigenous somewhere. #DeepInTheComments
I see no down side to this at all, except when the goofies hit the water and we painfully have to sit through repetitive backside snaps. But then maybe Wilko won’t be on tour next year.
If Keramas is a high-fidelity event, then Kelly Slater’s Surf Ranch must be an infidelity event.
Following Kelly’s logic that an event in Brazil is worthy due to 1/3 of the top 32 are from there, shouldn’t that same logic be applied to the Hurley team? Shit, WSL should be paying them for subsiding half the tour.
And, following the logic, no comp in Indo as there’s none of them fella’s on the CT.
The BeachGrit Cardiff Pro will fill the lowers-shaped hole in my heart
I thought it was Honolua? (Beachgrit deep cut right there.)
Spongy upright tits…wonderful turn of phrase.. and imagery
An impossible-to-replicate sensation, spongy firmness!
I was really missing Lowers until I read “spongy upright tits and skin the colour of an Ubud sunset” Trestles who?
Either Ubud sunsets are honey brown or Derek has a girlfriend with red and yellow skin.
I head there in the New year, hoping that “spongy upright tits” still works there and the wife doesn’t catch me peeping!
Isn’t the wind all wrong for Keramas in May/June?
Depends on how early the season hits, usually blows out a bit early, but should be a good few hours at least in the am.
And even when the trades start to huff it ain’t all over until early afternoon…
Due to the close proximity of Mt Angug, Keramas experiences slightly different wind/weather than other parts of Bali, often stays offshore even when the trades start blowing.
All i read there was
Due to the close proximity of a pool full of spongy upright tits, Keramas experiences slightly higher levels of spongy upright tits than other parts of Bali, often stays upright even when the trades start blowing on spongy upright tits.
Sorry.
and spongy upright tits…
Yep, it’s a dry season secret spot. Or was until someone planted a resort on it.
Gorgeously still until tennish, then a little crumble…
Bring ze air game yah?
I hope to dear god you are not referring to the age of said observed natives.
That hasn’t stopped the WSL accountant’s scheduling in the past