Jeremy Flores wins the Pipeline Masters, his second,
with a buzzer beating wave. Commentator Barton Lynch says moment so
charged he wept!
Jeremy Flores: “I hate doing this!”
By Derek Rielly
Wins Pipe Masters. Dirties John Florence's dream of
a world title/Pipe Masters combo…
Ten minutes ago, the Reunion Island-born surfer Jeremy
Flores dirtied up John John’s perfect day when he beat the
Hawaiian in the final of the Pipeline Masters.
Jeremy, who is twenty nine years old, stole a wave in the final
seconds, needing an 8.2-ish, scoring an 8.3-ish. The final
scoreline, 16.23 to 16.16.
Seven years ago, Jeremy won the Pipe Masters against Kieren
Perrow in similar circumstances.
The moment was so emotionally charged the commentator Barton
Lynch trembled and wept.
When I beat Gabriel I felt so bad. To see the emotion on
his face… I hate doing this… Surfing is not supposed to do stuff
like that. Supposed to be pure good vibes!
“Winning the Pipe Masters against John John Florence in perfect
Backdoor, in the last seconds? I couldn’t think of a better way to
win,” said Jeremy. “Don’t count me out. I never let go. I see
everyone with their (Hawaiian) flags.”
En route to stomping on John John’s dream of a first Pipe
Masters win, Jeremy squashed Gabriel’s dream of a second world
title.
“To be honest, I don’t like to be that guy to decide the title,”
said Jeremy. “It should be a showdown between John and Gabriel.
When I beat Gabriel I felt so bad. To see the emotion on his
face… I hate doing this… Surfing is not supposed to do stuff like
that. Supposed to be pure good vibes! It was good for John, though,
so I was stoked to make it happen… a second time. He owes me a few
waves at Pipe when it’s actually pumping!”
Watch the final here!
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Just in: God hates Gab, John wins
crown!
By Chas Smith
And we have a 2017 World Champion!
God is an ever-present figure in sports, from
the National Football League all the way to the World Surf League.
He helps teams win, players score and surfers title. Yesterday,
after winning his heat, Brazil’s Gabriel Medina was supremely
confident that God was firmly cheering for a Gabriel Media
championship, telling South Africa’s Rose Hodge, “I feel great, I
feel good, I feel God is on my side. Now is just to trust, believe
and go for it.”
Well, things started a little dicey for Medina during his Round
Four heat against Jeremy Flores and someone else. Jeremy jumped
into a quick lead while someone else paddled around the lineup
lost. Gabriel sat, waiting, before pouncing on a backdoor tube that
looked ok and was judged a stellar 8 +. J-Flo was furious, kicking
the water, screaming French obscenities, not because Gabriel caught
a wave but because Gabriel had effectively blocked him on the three
best waves of the day. Interference was not called and “WSL is
playing favorites again…” would have become the refrain except
Jeremy snagged a little runner at the end of the heat and was
rewarded an even more stellar 8 +.
Off went Gabriel to Round Five where he faced the World’s
Greatest Surfer and ’88 Pipeline Master Kelly Slater.
(Just kidding about the ’88 Pipeline Master. That was Barton
Lynch.)
Kelly Slater is, I think, agnostic at best. Maybe he believes in
a “higher power” but definitely not God. Would God push Gab
through?
It started looking good. Kelly paddled for the first wave of the
heat, a gorgeous Backdoor thing, and inexplicably couldn’t get to
his feet. Or maybe explicably? Maybe the Corner Man Upstairs? Yes,
I don’t think it could be argued any other wave, because a turtle
swam though the lineup and knocked Kelly Slater off his board.
Kelly locked into another sneaky one but then here comes God!
Gabriel got a small one which turned into an 8.9 then another weird
one that turned into a 9.07! God sitting in the judges booth,
locking in scores! God proving Gabriel Medina right.
Kelly took off on another bomb but God positioned Gabriel just
so and he dropped in on Kelly’s head, destroying the wave’s
“scoring potential” as they say. Barton Lynch won the 1988 Pipeline
Masters.
And then he won. Gabriel Medina and God. But won the heat, not
the Title or not yet.
And let us fast forward through John John and Julian’s
quarterfinal heat wherein John John won handily.
And let us fast forward through Gabriel Medina and Julian
Wilson’s quarterfinal heat wherein Medina was crushed by the
Frenchman.
John John wins the World Championship Trophy! The day’s true
chosen one!
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Heck yes! | Photo: @worldsurflols
Gamble: Win (Lose) on Pipe Masters!
By Derek Rielly
Ready to put your money where your large mouth
is?
Let’s be frank. We all like to throw a
little cash into the wind, now and then.
Gambling separates us from the beasts, gives a spark of passion
(or a galaxy of nausea) as we grind away and grind away at jobs,
working like billy goats until eternity etc.
“Gambling is colourful and dramatic and theatrical,” Vegas
hotelier (Bellagio, Wynn etc) Steve Wynn said.
Recently, BeachGrit and the Australian betting
house PalmerBet held hands, one greasing the
other.
We’d offer a gambling-on-surfing service to readers (Australia
only unless you circumvent your country’s geo-blocking law via a
VPN) and for every bet you make, BeachGrit gets a little
piece.
If you lose, think of it as a donation; if you win we’re
thrilled for you.
So!
Pipe Masters. If you’re quick, you can bet on John John v Julian
onwards.
Sign up on that little banner on the side and
BeachGrit/PalmerBet will match your first
bet, up to $250.
Early in the new year, odds will drop for the 2018 World
Title.
Do you remember, four years ago, when the
greatest commentary duo in professional surfing’s history were
fired for illicit gambling? How could anyone forget. There sat Jake
“Snake” Paterson and there sat Damien “Dooma” Fahrenfort in the WSL
née ASP booth and there in the water floated now-forgotten
Frenchman Marc Lacomare and forgotten-tomorrow Australian Joel
Parkinson. It was a relatively uneventful heat, though many thought
Marc was robbed seeing as he caught better waves.
Snake and Dooma, anyhow, bet beers on the outcome. Our very own
Derek Rielly transcribed for us.
Jake: “I don’t know. I’m going to leave it
up to the professionals. That’s what they get paid for…”
Dooma: “Let’s leave t up to the judges.
It’s going to be a crazy finish.”
Jake: “(Bet a) Beer on it?”
Dooma: “I don’t know. I have a feeling
they’ll give it to Joel.”
Jake: “World title points?”
The judges did give it to Joel, the French got mad and then
Snake and Dooma were fired. Then head judge Renato Hickel
wrote:
To have Web Announcers betting beers, guessing judges scores
in almost every single wave, and telling thousands of web viewers
that Joel would receive World Title bonus points, is completely
unacceptable! A stain on a great Webcast.
A stain!
Well, guess what happened yesterday?
Kelly Slater, who had just beaten Jordy Smith out of his last
thread of hope, stood in front of the step-and-repeat being
interviewed by Kaipo. And here I have the transcript for you.
Kelly: Jordy pay up… uhhh not Jordy… (turns
to Kaipo) who did you bet with? Strider?
Kaipo: (Sheepishly) I’m not gonna bet… I
didn’t…
Kelly: Yoosh… Strider pay up. You gotta pay
him ten bucks (pointing at Kaipo).
Kaipo: (Trying to cut Kelly off) Hey
but…
Kelly: (Undaunted) I know Strider bet for
Jordy…
Kaipo: (Stuck. Mumbling)
Kelly: Hey that’s ok. I kinda wanted Jordy
to win that heat too.
Oh we know that gambling is considered a great sin by the World
Surf League née Association of Surfing Professionals, Renato Hickel
himself calling it “a stain.” Precedent tells us there is a zero
tolerance policy for such actions. Will the wonderful Kaipo
Guerrero and Strider Wasilewski be quickly and brutally canned via
righteous email?
Will they be punished in some other way?
Stay tuned!
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The fix is in says Albee Layer! | Photo:
@albeelayer/live.fast.die.old/@unholypotato/Stab
Pipe: No title for Julian or Jordy; Fanning
retires!
By Derek Rielly
A fix? A champ retired before his time?
At four pm on a North Shore afternoon, with the
sun a giant grapefruit, the curtin was drawn on a dreadful day for
two of the four title contenders, while a thirty-six-year-old
three-time world champ took a final bow.
Within the rules of probability it was unlikely that John John
Florence or Gabriel Medina would oblige outliers Jordy Smith and
Julian Wilson by losing early or that Jordy, especially, would
win.
But the ghosts of history, of Sunny Garcia, Tom Carroll, Damien
Hardman and so forth, whisper (in husky voices)… anything is
possible.
In 1995, all Sunny Garcia had to do to win the title was to make
it into round three.
He surfed against Occy in round two. Lost his board. Occy
offered him his. Occy didn’t hassle for sets (“It was a
very hard heat to surf,” said Occ after). Caught a
couple of insiders just to get a score for appearances sake. Then
it was all Machado’s until Slater cooked him alive in their
high-five semi-final.
Seven years earlier, Barton Lynch had to finish runner-up or
better at 10-foot Pipe to snatch the title off Damien Hardman or
Tom Carroll. Barton won the damn thing.
So, today.
If John John got better than a ninth, didn’t matter what Julian
did, he was out.
And it happened, despite some last-minute burlesque by Ethan
Ewing. John John won by zero-point sevenths of a point, 10.87 to
10.80.
Watch it here and tell me if Ethan won or the fix was in, as
Albee Layer suggested on Instagram.
“I don’t like winning heats like that,” said John John
afterwards.
In the last heat of the day, Jordy Smith surfed against the
partial cripple Kelly Slater, who turns forty-six in eight weeks.
Oh the fire’s out but the fowl lives!
“I wanted Jordy to win that heat but sorta not really,” said
Kelly, who expressed astonishment that Jordy didn’t push the button
on his priority on what would become Kelly’s heat winning wave.
Watch that here.
And Mick Fanning?
The most searched-for surfer on Google and therefore the most
famous surfer in the world?
He’s out, at least according to Conner Coffin.
“I don’t think I’ve surfed against [Mick] man-on-on man this
year so I was really stoked to have that opportunity today,” said
Conner in his post-heat presser. “But he made me feel bad like,
‘Aw, this is the last time I’ll ever surf out here.’ And I was like
‘Don’t make me feel bad about that!’ Because at the same time, if I
didn’t make that heat I might not have ever surfed out here again
either…”
Mick refused to confirm, or deny, the retirement suggestion
afterwards.
I do ask: is thirty-six too young to retire? Or has Mick, who
still surfs with a barbarous power, realised his use-by date has
arrived? Is he, therefore, an expert in legacy preservation unlike,
say, Kelly?
