A stain!
Do you remember, four years ago, when the greatest commentary duo in professional surfing’s history were fired for illicit gambling? How could anyone forget. There sat Jake “Snake” Paterson and there sat Damien “Dooma” Fahrenfort in the WSL née ASP booth and there in the water floated now-forgotten Frenchman Marc Lacomare and forgotten-tomorrow Australian Joel Parkinson. It was a relatively uneventful heat, though many thought Marc was robbed seeing as he caught better waves.
Snake and Dooma, anyhow, bet beers on the outcome. Our very own Derek Rielly transcribed for us.
Jake: “I don’t know. I’m going to leave it up to the professionals. That’s what they get paid for…”
Dooma: “Let’s leave t up to the judges. It’s going to be a crazy finish.”
Jake: “(Bet a) Beer on it?”
Dooma: “I don’t know. I have a feeling they’ll give it to Joel.”
Jake: “World title points?”
The judges did give it to Joel, the French got mad and then Snake and Dooma were fired. Then head judge Renato Hickel wrote:
To have Web Announcers betting beers, guessing judges scores in almost every single wave, and telling thousands of web viewers that Joel would receive World Title bonus points, is completely unacceptable! A stain on a great Webcast.
A stain!
Well, guess what happened yesterday?
Kelly Slater, who had just beaten Jordy Smith out of his last thread of hope, stood in front of the step-and-repeat being interviewed by Kaipo. And here I have the transcript for you.
Kelly: Jordy pay up… uhhh not Jordy… (turns to Kaipo) who did you bet with? Strider?
Kaipo: (Sheepishly) I’m not gonna bet… I didn’t…
Kelly: Yoosh… Strider pay up. You gotta pay him ten bucks (pointing at Kaipo).
Kaipo: (Trying to cut Kelly off) Hey but…
Kelly: (Undaunted) I know Strider bet for Jordy…
Kaipo: (Stuck. Mumbling)
Kelly: Hey that’s ok. I kinda wanted Jordy to win that heat too.
Oh we know that gambling is considered a great sin by the World Surf League née Association of Surfing Professionals, Renato Hickel himself calling it “a stain.” Precedent tells us there is a zero tolerance policy for such actions. Will the wonderful Kaipo Guerrero and Strider Wasilewski be quickly and brutally canned via righteous email?
Will they be punished in some other way?
Stay tuned!
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Burn them, Burn therm to hell!!
Seems he doesn’t need any help!
Betting beers is cool.
Betting ten bucks is weird and lame.
And very cheap!
Check and mate
Kelly is such a socially awkward man. Cannot read the lay of the land. Cannot see Kaipo’s eyeballs bulging, the tightening of his vocal chords. Cannot imagine Renato’s brooding Brazilian visage in the bowels of the WSL machine. What will happen? Nothing. Coz it’s Kelly being socially awkward, not a JourneyMan Snake and a No Name Saffer.
Take away Strider’s avocado and that’ll be punishment enough
To have Web Announcers betting beers, guessing judges scores in almost every single wave, and telling thousands of web viewers that Joel would receive World Title bonus points, is completely unacceptable! A stain on a great Webcast.—- How dare Renato Hickel stray away from the over exaggerated live webcast viewer numbers so badly…wonder if that little error cost him his check?
Forgotten-tomorrow Australian Joel Parkinson. I do love how you press keys.
Who the fuck is Joel Parkinson?
Oh god, that heat against Gabby was pretty embarrassing for The King. Yikesssssssss
That priority maneuver got my hackles up. Too much hanging out with Neymar.
He won’t win the title so it doesn’t even matter.
kelly on the subway
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
How stale can shit get…?
The only time the volume comes on during the webcasts is when turpel is commentating and my 1yr old daughter won’t to go to sleep. Works everytime…
I bet on the number of times Pottz says “That’s what you gotta do”. Just ordered a new Lamborghini.
If Pottz answers any more of his own phantom questions I’m going to scream. Why? Because it’s really, really fucking annoying.
Never mind that shit, where is that meatloaf?
I’ll put money on the fact that someone didn’t take Joel Tudor’s jandels and in fact just picked them up and threw them as far as possible in a fit of rage induced by the fact they were left so rudely! With such arrogance! in the middle of the matt instead of placed neatly at the side.
Well Jules and Conner just threw their round 4 heat.
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