Help me get on the right side of history!
There are four more days in the waiting period for the Pipeline Masters, many heats left to surf and an extremely poor forecast. Blame global warming, blame Kieren Perrow, blame God, blame Kane, Ku, Lono and Kanaloa, blame whomever you wish but thems the facts and the 2017 World Champ will be crowned in a whimper not a bang.
And it was with this reality looming that Derek Rielly texted me last evening. “Story for tomoz: Is surf Ranch better than Pipe? (Considering how crummy it is going to be for the title thing…)”
Oh how my heart revolted inside me as I pitched my phone aside, thrusting one finger into the air and shouting, “Never!”
Pipeline is our Jerusalem, Mecca and Rome. It is the greatest wave in the entire world and some piddly man-made thing in the middle of California’s stinky guts should not even be breathed in the same breath.
Pipeline is natural, it is glorious. The Surf Ranch some modern new-fangled contraption. Some electric…
But then I put my one finger down and thought, “Am I in the crowd at the Newport Folk Festival in 1965? Is Bob Dylan on stage? Did he just plug in his electric guitar? Am I booing Bob Dylan and progress?”
You are, of course, culturally astute and know the story. Dylan was one of the most popular figures in music, having ridden a gentle sound to the very top of the charts. He released an album that year that featured an electric track which was received with mixed feelings by the folk community. Later, at the Newport Festival, the promotors had denied another band that tried to go electric. Bob Dylan allegedly said, “Well, fuck them if they think they can keep electricity out of here, I’ll do it.” in response and half of the crowd booed him lustily for selling out.
Those boo birds were basically retarded because without electric Dylan we would never have had Mötley Crüe or Blink 182. Can you imagine that world? I can’t either and don’t want to be on the wrong side of history here so tell me.
Is Surf Ranch better than Pipeline?
It’s under embargo — they’ll all start tellin’ stories at the same time.
99% of surfers can’t ride either one so the point is irrelevant
Generous
porn hub
Until we get the scoop from You, Nick and Dezza and what it is really like, from your secret session – when does your media ban end?? End of 2018?? Then you would have to say in current conditions, compared to pipe, it is the best wave in the world!!
C’mon I want you 3 to bite here!!
well it is like Pipe in one crucial aspect – it’s the only one of its kind
Would hacking the midsection fun be best with Dane’s preferred board that has hips? Which reminds me…..what the f’n hell is he talking about? Hips? Is that in good graces with the wifey sorta talk?
Oh don’t you ever worry. I’m taking this contra shtick to the grave!
If Pipeline is our Jerusalem, John John is the ambassador in the newly moved embassy. Is Kelly Trump?
Wife and kids just went off to visit family for a few days. Aaaaaahhhh. A bit of Me time.
No whining people getting underfoot… and also the lack of kids will be nice.
Mmmmm, I can get up and actually go surfing before work instead of wading through the morass of screaming and lunch makings.
Ooooooooh shit. There’s no surf the entire time they’re gone. Fuckity fuckity FUCK!!!
It’s a cosmic joke I tell ya.
Where’s the fuckin wave pool?
I’m not sure Active Shooter would cope with that.
Dylan was late to the party! First known electric guitar performance was in 1932. Those hippies had 30 fucking years to get wise. And we’ve had almost 100 years to wake up to Kook Ponds. First one was built in Budapest In the 1920s. Which again proves that musicians are way sharper than surfers. Duh.
Laszló don’t surf.
I’m happy to support whatever venue Charlie loses in
That pic of Lopez tells me that KS made everyone sign an agreement that they would always keep their knees bent and tuck into it when the lip throws. Gerry being Gerry said ‘no fucking way I’m squatting on a wave”
Idk why, but I’m stoked Lopez didnt bother to get slotted at The Ranch.
He ‘yogas’ so he could fit into the smallest of green rooms too.
Not so stoked he called it “the future” though.
sadly, part of his image is a marketing ploy
I think any waiting period that has a shitty forecast should be moved to the wave pool. They are already hemmoraging heaps of capital, just eat it as usual and get the surf fans to tune in one way or another. Eventually just build pools at every tour stop and you have waves for all the events forever!!
Elbow high?
Yeah, yeah, you enjoyed your sesh there with Dell. When’s the footage droppin’?
Pipe just needs to be held later is all. It’s the reason why Volcom Pipe Pro is always better. And they’re gonna take that contest over in 2019.
Considering i can’t afford Dental work it’s A double edged sword. Best thing on earth in the middle of my hometown in FL. But I’ll have to sell crack in rawviera if i ever want to surf it. Just bought a sprite green caprice and put a “no checks accepted” on the back windshield.
As soon as Bede open books his pelvis at the Surf Ranch we can revisit this ridiculous discussion.
(You’re better than this, Chas!)
Oh you know where I stand… with the booers. But should we all change sides?
Should that be our New Year’s resolution…embrace the Surf Ranch™?
Did auto-correct affix the TM symbol to Surf Ranch, or did you do that out of fear?
Considering that we may crown a world champ at Gums all future contests will be at the Surf Ranch™️. The trademarking is merely a fate complis….
Turns on webcast…sees….turns….at Backdoor. Immediately questions life.
well we can always just look on with a sort of dry amusement
It’s like playing on artificial turf versus natural grass. I foresee injuries. Many. Career ending even. MCL/ACL, getting gored by a rampaging bull and such. Maybe the WSL suspects this and has begun formulating a new injury wildcard system. Diabolical.
nah really it isn’t. it’s not metaphorical at all. it’s real. which is vaguely terrifying, until you surf it.
How is it real? The metaphor was meant to aid the discussion of a propensity to produce injury. Artificial turf has produced more injury to athletes as compared to the slightly more forgiving grass surfaces. A marked up tick in non contact injuries. Surfing a wave of consequence tempers a pro’s zest to go big does it not?
Symmetry and lack of unpredictability in the Surf Ranch lays an obligation on the riders to go the distance in variation of maneuvers. The % likelihood of injury exponentially increases in my opinion. What say ye?
fucking metaphors getting in the way! writing rule, talk about the thing, not about the other thing it apparently resembles. Anyway, I don’t know how the injury count will pan out in the pool, but surf injuries are rarely sustained in competition, and outside competition they are usually sustained through an unpredictable shift in wave shape. Specially airs. If you know exactly what the wave’s going to do, I suspect you’ll be less likely to sprain the syndesmosis sheath on landing, for instance. (That’s the three month out ankle injury favoured by JJF and Italo among others.) Also, predictability provides safety to a recovering surfer, Kelly surfed it with his broken foot for weeks before getting back in the ocean. It feels to me more forgiving, not less. To me the risk of injury in the pool resides in unfamiliarity, specially to a non pro level surfer, it is not a very muscular wave but the first session in might be so sorta baffling that it catches you unawares somehow. I guess other types of injury might surface over time.
You seen Stab’s latest effort, the “Best Gals Club”? Please do a “Best Beaus Club”, if only to piss people off. Carissa’s just tied the knot so you could start with her fella.
At least then I’ll be annoyed by something quasi-interesting.
Surely with your experience surfing both Chas, you can tell the finer details of each wave? We understand how heavy the wave pool is, it rips old wounds apart, but a detailed analysis from one like you, so in tune with both waves, would be beneficial.
I think it’s time to stop hiding behind your avatar… you clearly feel personally aggrieved and keep repeating the same thing. Man up and tell me who you are or get lost. Feel free to email [email protected] if that is more comfortable.
4 way rumble with Webber & Longtom
Could we do it like WWF of old? Tapping in etc.?
What’s your fighting name gonna be?
Tap in? Tap out? Which is the Surf Ranch being?