So poor they cannot even afford trunks.
So poor they cannot even afford trunks.

Tragic: Surf clubs turn to panhandling!

Australia's historic institutions become common rail station beggars!

If you have ever been to Australia then you are at least semi-familiar with the country’s surf lifesaving clubs. I am ill-suited to provide much detail, having never been a member, but I believe they are non-profit, non-governmental associations that provide water safety services, fun classes for kids and flamboyant red + yellow hats. Am I surmising correctly? Is this what they do?

Over the year I spent in Australia I looked on with envy at these surf lifesaving clubs mostly because they each seemed to have the most wonderful clubhouses sitting right on the beach. I imagined inside there was a chummy vibe, cold beer in the summer, room temperature scotch in the winter and fun songs sang in unison. Today, though, the Sydney Morning Herald popped my balloon.

In the featured story it was revealed that surf lifesaving clubs struggle for money, have difficulty maintaining facilities and send members to train stations in order to panhandle like Indians. But there is a man who has a plan to pull the clubs into profitability and let’s read together.

Surf life saving clubs could be turned into small hotels under a proposal to raise more money for lifesaving operations. Barry Tilley would also equip surf clubs with liquor licences to operate bars beyond the limited circumstances in which they currently serve alcohol. A property developer and businessman, Mr Tilley’s preferred model is a pensione, or small hotel, offering “a couple of meals of the day like they do in Italy”.

Mr Tilley said accommodation and dining facilities would help pay for the maintenance of facilities and provision of water safety and training instead of relying on donations.

“There’s nothing more demeaning than seeing surf club members begging around railway stations,” he said. “It would create a new industry in so far as people learning lifesaving around the world,” he added. “Australia is the leader when it comes to lifesaving.”

Fantastic, right? I would love to stay in one, sharing the chummy vibes without really “belonging” but apparently things are not so simple. Turning the clubs into hotels and bars is prohibited by Australian law.

A spokeswoman for the Minister for Lands, Forestry and Racing, Paul Toole, said: “Crown land utilised by surf life saving clubs is generally reserved for public recreation purposes and the establishment of bars and accommodation on such Crown land would not be in keeping with the reserve purpose.”

Well son of a bitch. And wouldn’t you think now is a good time to rebel against the crown? I would come fight for you, dear Australia. I would come fight for your nippers and your cold beer and your room temperature scotch. Let’s do this thing.

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Tomas' silky smooth arms
Tomas' silky smooth arms
8 years ago

Maybe I’d get more waves if i surfed in my wifes panties

Lemon Next to the Pie
Lemon Next to the Pie
8 years ago

Pretty much every Sunshine Coast surf (lifesaving) club is based on prime beachfront real estate. The only competition they have for the subsidised dollar is the local bowls club. Every one of them has a bar and generally cleans up on cheapish meals overlooking the beach. The only one that has failed is one that couldn’t work out that frozen fish and chips wasn’t going to cut the mustard, couldn’t get a decent person to run the restaurant, and couldn’t compete once the local pub cleaned up its act.

It has since been taken over by the Noosa club, who initially said they weren’t changing anything, but have effectively turned into storage and a training camp for their competitive clubbers so they can train in waves.

Would be interesting to know how much of the panhandling goes to putting on patrols and providing rescue gear compared to what gets slung towards the competitive clowns slush funds to buy the latest gear and pay coaches?

Antipodes
Antipodes
8 years ago

I’d prefer the clubbies focused on saving people from drowning rather than look at other ways to turn a buck. Given most of the real lifesaving is handled by professional life guards in metro Aus areas (Bronte, Tama) I don’t think you can link the need for a $5m reno for Bronte to the argument of “it’s all worth it if we just save one life”. I’d prefer to throw that cash at having more pro life guards on patrol all year round.

woof
woof
8 years ago

the only SLSC’s I have been privy too consisted of beating down the local caretaker with the keys and getting fried, tanked and cooked before proceeding to joyride the beautiful toys all over the beach. Just be out before sunrise.

turts
turts
8 years ago

Considering almost all these clubs are only ever built in the most well off areas and are participated in by such families, I’ve never seen any real signs of struggle. Their whole begging for money thing seems unnecessary with the amount of funding they already get from different institutions, as well as the government

Doobalachy
Doobalachy
8 years ago

Fuck the chubbies they suck more government funds out of the system than any other sporting organisations, if the can’t make do with that plus the pokies then they must have lazy administrators. surfing is an Olympic sport now so the funding pendulum will swing and out of the dunes superboardriders clubs will grow(not to be confused with Boardriders inc that now owns Quikbill)

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  Doobalachy

It happened in France . I lived in Hourtin Plage for 20 years and the Hourtin Surf Club(Boardriding) has a two story club house 200 m from the dune with hot showers , locker rooms to store members boards and wetsuits, toilets and a gym . 50 € a year membership fee . The building was funded from subventions from the department of Gironde and the region Aquitaine and funds from the surf school run by the club .All this in a commune of 4000 inhabitants.There is one in Easkey Ireland as well .

Brutus
Brutus
8 years ago

were they more like clubbies or board riders club?
Can’t trust those French to follow the norm!

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

I stayed away from office and politics ,surfed in the rare club contests which started at the gentlemanly hour of 3pm and was charming at the aperitifs till sundown at 11pm and then tried to turn myself into a pumpkin from midnight till dawn . I still love the place and I suppose I learnt that other cultures are not better or worse just different .

Eddie Haiku
Eddie Haiku
8 years ago

Without a doubt. Shave em down and oil em up!

TheGreatWhiteBogan
TheGreatWhiteBogan
8 years ago

All the SLSC’s I’ve been to have dining services. Usually pretty overpriced and mediocre quality though.

Tomas' silky smooth arms
Tomas' silky smooth arms
8 years ago

In Queensland they sell beer and food and most have pokies. All the hot chicks play the pokies. It’s a beautiful thing.

Eddie Haiku
Eddie Haiku
8 years ago

Begging around railway stations is far below these Colossi of the waves. They should be selling dope in the beach toilets. Someone do something to help!

Brutus
Brutus
8 years ago
Reply to  Eddie Haiku

they could create a show along the lines of Manpower and sell their body’s to the blue rinse set!

Eddie Haiku
Eddie Haiku
8 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

I know some boys who already do this for free…

Brutus
Brutus
8 years ago
Reply to  Eddie Haiku

shit opening for a SLSC pimp management co….could be a goldmine for gold diggers!

Eddie Haiku
Eddie Haiku
8 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Nothing more attractive than a woman with an open purse and open legs!

Brutus
Brutus
8 years ago
Reply to  Eddie Haiku

shit I thought we were talking about boys!

Eddie Haiku
Eddie Haiku
8 years ago
Reply to  Brutus

Doesn’t sound like you’re too fussy 😉

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago

On a recent visit home the 4 surflifesaving clubs at Cronulla showed no signs of suffering.Fine Dining , beach front gyms, surf schools and a dam good bar seaside at Wanda SLSC( great wall of fame photos ).The local mayor even obtained the rights to build himself an extension at Elouera SLSC to create a Cafe .In the 80’s they confiscated my board ( wasn’t a problem was sponsored and had 4) and now they sell beer . I prefer beer .

wincy
wincy
8 years ago

Your mum used to sponsor me too.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  wincy

Got wonderful boards from Neil Cormack who was shaping for Sky Surfboards at Byron Bay in the 80’s . My mum is a great person but a shit shaper so I hope she has made your surfing experience miserable wince.

longtom
longtom
8 years ago

Neil is still shaping beautiful boards.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  longtom

Great to hear .He was always a very calm human and a wonderful shaper. I’d phone from Sydney and ask how he was and he say things like “ mate I just don’t know what to do , I can’t stop the kids from making cubby houses out of my boards “ I thought it was hilarious at the time but now I have two kids under 5 of my own I finally understand his suffering . Hope to move back to Australia in the near future and would love to buy a board of him .

channelbottom
channelbottom
8 years ago

Come visit Newy when you get back.

Daddy Pig
Daddy Pig
8 years ago

Saturation is the problem, its not every ‘area’ that has one, more like every rock. The bigger ones are far from struggling.

Jimmy the Saint
Jimmy the Saint
8 years ago

A few pokies and they would be back in business!

Brutus
Brutus
8 years ago

or they could charge a fee to people who surf their beach!


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