Julian Wilson and Lakey Peterson win respective gender categories at semi-awesome Kirra…
Plenty of thinking time in the scotopic light 500 yards or so out off Big Groyne Kirra this morning in the cyclone swell. Swimming, blue foamy racing in the rip up to North Kirra. Lots of water moving. Thick beasts unloading on the Big Groyne part of the sandbar.
A day for Kirra Specialists, thought I, or dumb luck from rank virgins.
It is a wave for specialists and with Kelly a no-show, Mick, Joel and Steph out the closest thing to a specialist left in the draw was Julian Wilson.
Obscene screams woke me in the dark. A fox in the henhouse? I ran outside with a headlamp and found a python strangling a bat. By the time I’d loaded the Camry the snake was gone and the dead bat lay prone on the ground. I read as a bad portent.
Owen failed to load, Ace spiked a couple medium-sized waves for an easy win in the first heat of the day. The last time the comp ended with a Kirra final day was way back in 2013, the last great Year of the Kelly Era, at the start of the Speaker reign and before pro surfing was even a twinkle in Sophie Goldschmidt’s eye. Kelly’s “honeypot” strategy netted him multiple ten-point rides and a memorable final ride with priority against a bird flipping Parko.
You recall, surely.
Heat two of the quarters featured no Kirra specialists and exposed a gap in Filipe’s resume for World Champ. He couldn’t best Tomas Hermes, who wouldn’t have made a heat of the Kirra Surfriders club round. Kelly would have watched in horror.
From the front bar of the Kirra surf club the good old boys enjoyed Wilson’s easy win over M-Rod and erupted for Griff’s triple banger ten-pointer. It was a wave that rescued the morning from unflattering comparisons with 2013. “Fucken Mick woulda been getting’ them all fucken day long maate!” said a florid-faced bloke beside me from between magnificently mottled jowls.
Wilson/Colapinto, Ace/Hermes Semi’s. Not a Finals roster anyone in their right mind could have foreseen.
Do you have a favourite Kirra Specialist?
You might think of Michael Peterson or Wayne “Rabbit” Bartholomew maybe Kelly “Willie” Slater.
Or, if you live locally, Sean “Reg” Riley, Neal Purchase Jnr, Jason “China” O’Connor or Nick Vasicek might come to mind. My fav is an unknown Kiwi guy named Gizza I shared a tenement in Surfers Paradise with. A small-time eccy and weed dealer Gizza had an unholy love of Kirra that he would sacrifice anything to consummate. One golden afternoon with Kirra pumping we all piled into a Valiant Safari and headed to Kirra, Gizza’s heavily pregnant gal included. She had a doctor’s appointment and Gizza was expected to attend. Outside the Doc’s on a seedy part of the Palm Beach strip she piled out and eyeballed our Kiwi anti-hero, “Come on Gizza, lets go”.
Gizza sat as still as a buddha and uttered the immortal words, “Hey babe, all I know is Kirra’s pumping and I’m out there.”
We drove off with his gal screaming at the top of her lungs, “Fuck you, fuck you Gizza!”
I don’t know if it was worth it for Giz. Six months later he was dead in a bathtub.
It’s that kind of wave.
I couldn’t have picked Ace Buchan to final at the Quik Pro despite insanely sharp, error-free, high-drifting hooks on his backhand. It just always seemed like someone better would topple him. But no-one did. And he kept air-dropping into kegs and making waves, to meet Julian in the Final.
Australia’s second-best ever PM Paul Keating famously said “You change the Prime Minister, you change the country.”
As for PM’s so for pro surfing CEO’s. Rabbit Bartholomew birthed the Dream Tour and presided over the Kelly/Andy rivalry, what historians in future will refer to as the Golden Age of Pro Surfing. He was the last True Believer to head the organisation. Brodie Carr fended off a Rebel Tour and rewrote contracts to appease Kelly Slater.
In his zeal to create private stadiums out of public space, Paul Speaker launched aggressive ambit claims over everything that happened at a WSL event. The atmosphere created was authoritarian and oppressive, a heavy hand on the shoulder always seemed nearby for freelancers like me, maybe rendition to a secret black ops WSL re-education centre.
And Sophie?
Clueless by her own admission she is what writer Tim Winton calls a “citizen in a strange world.” But she has loosened the program up. The ambit claims seem a little less obvious, maybe because she realises they are unenforceable and reliant on the goodwill of democratically elected institutions who hand out taxpayer-funded permits. Permits that can be denied.
But, more likely, because Sophie’s reign has a technological “Final” solution to the untameable ocean. With the tub comes the stadium and the timetable, the broadcast, the tickets, all the things that have eluded the sport so far. You can see why she would loosen her grip on “ocean” surfing and embrace the wave system. The fractured sport she creates will be her legacy and all the King’s horses won’t be able to put the pieces together again.
The gamble to hold off the event for a couple hours paid off massively after an epic final between J-Dub and Ace. Ace was comboed once, then twice, after Julian ducked and weaved through sandy caverns, the first of which was a ten all day long. Ace kept fighting deserving the mantle of Kirra specialist but Julian was too strong, too good.
Couldn’t have picked the men’s final but it would have been a travesty if Lakey Peterson didn’t hoist the trophy. She dominated a one-sided final.
If beauty is truth and truth is beauty then the great deceiver Satan himself must have created Queensland to spite God because no-one ages uglier and happier than a Queenslander.
No-one sacrifices more to ride the most gorgeous tubes on earth. Their youth, their beauty, gone in a blur of blue-water tubes and alcoholic excess.
Except Julian Wilson. He’ll be beautiful for ever.
Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast Final Results:
1 – Julian Wilson (AUS) 17.43
2 – Adrian Buchan (AUS) 15.10
Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast Semifinal Results:
SF 1: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 10.00 def. Tomas Hermes (BRA) 9.17
SF 2: Julian Wilson (AUS) 13.77 def. Griffin Colapinto (USA) 11.66
Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast Quarterfinal Results:
QF 1: Adrian Buchan (AUS) 13.50 def. Owen Wright (AUS) 2.50
QF 2: Tomas Hermes (BRA) 8.73 def. Filipe Toledo (BRA) 7.33
QF 3: Julian Wilson (AUS) 14.44 def. Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 10.00
QF 4: Griffin Colapinto (USA) 16.43 def. Michel Bourez (PYF) 12.44
Roxy Pro Gold Coast Final Results:
1 – Lakey Peterson (USA) 15.67
2 – Keely Andrew (AUS) 5.67
Roxy Pro Gold Coast Semifinal Results:
Heat 1: Lakey Peterson (USA) 11.00 def. Malia Manuel (HAW) 8.33
Heat 2: Keely Andrew (AUS) 7.50 def. Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 6.77
2018 WSL Men’s CT Jeep Leaderboard (After Quiksilver Pro Gold Coast):
1 -Julian Wilson (AUS) 10,000 pts
2 – Adrian Buchan (AUS) 7,800 pts
3 – Griffin Colapinto (USA) 6,085 pts
3 – Tomas Hermes (BRA) 6,085 pts
2018 Women’s CT Jeep Leaderboard (After Roxy Pro Gold Coast):
1 -Lakey Peterson (USA) 10,000 pts
2 – Keely Andrew (AUS) 7,800 pts
3 – Sally Fitzgibbons (AUS) 6,085 pts
3 – Malia Manuel (HAW) 6,085 pts
Do you know what happened to Gizza’s kid?
Again, so fucked up I did not get to watch the women’s final on YOUTUBE, the only way to watch without getting spoiled. Sophie, although a new comer, should realize that not uploading women’s recaps is just as sexist as zooming in on their bikinis.
who’s hotter? other than michel bourez
yeah i feel that way too. but like kanye says “everything i’m not makes me everything i am”
who the FUCK are some of these contestants? I’m I supposed to know who some of these dicks are?
I’m just glad most of them surfed like they were CT veterans…
I really enjoyed because I was expecting that Final to be the biggest anti-climax since the Kanoa/Bourez Pipe Final.
And they got heaps of kegs. But that one was a 10.
Yesterday I heard one of the most horseshit comments to ever come out of WSL commentary about how surfing is nearly as popular as soccer in Brazil. Come on.
Tell him he’s dreaming !
I made enough to go surfing after work everyday satiating my lust to surf and avoiding eviction from the family abode.
Who knew snakes kill for fun! That makes the fuckers even more terrifying.
the girls really were unwatchable, just keg after keg spinning off unridden. so many bombs got underneath them. Sally had the only respectable approach.
I totally hear ya, but unfortunately, I’m afraid, not everyone can look like Ratso.
Osmosis from the spray..
The movement of water from an area of low salt concentration to an area of high salt concentration through a semi permeable membrane( the pram )in an attempt to equalize the salt solutions and entice the child into a life of surfing . Just don’t throw the baby out when your throwing buckets .Not sure if surfers are saltier then salt water but I like your hypothesis.
I was silly enough to tell him I was going to go on the dole and surf when I finished school . He asked me where I was going to live . Not in this house son ,GET A JOB .
He could have been whoring and gambling instead , and the baby was out in the fresh sea air. I won’t be doing it at 50something with my kids,but would have been tempted in my teens and 20s which is why I waited so long to be a dad in an attempt to be responsible about being irresponsible.
I had kids in my late teens/ early 20s, did similar shit, although not so bad. My kids aren’t really into the beach now. Must’ve traumatised them
I am sure you did your best brother. Ain’t no such thing as a perfect dad.My dad , a great bloke, tried to convince me when I was 10 that surfing was a losers sport full of junkies ( it was 75 after all ) . I rebelled and am still a surf junkie 40 yrs down the track .
he told you what you needed to hear
Is it wrong that I feel joy in Ace making the finals?
Yes. As a form of penance you must go out and perform 500 identical backhand snaps.
…that can’t look as good as Occy’s.
You found Gizzas tale depressing?
He was probably headed for an early grave anyway….but what joy he experienced along the way!
I look back now and think, thank fuck I didn’t meet my gal and have kids until much later.
Was Gizza’s bathtub departure self inflicted a la Seneca, murder a la Marat or accidental a la Jim Morrison?
The death of the French journalist so wonderfully captured by the painter David .
…not a journalist; an agent for the reign of terror; his main job was to write out the list of folks to to be guillotined the following morning!
He was also a political theorist , physician , politician and scientist but this is beach grit and I thought his role as a journalist was relevant. If this was a chemical journaI I might of mentioned he instigated the death of the celebrated chemist Lavoisier who spoke not to kindly about Marat’s scientific work ( blood feud ? ) . I am not French but assume the majority of the population was better off when the « Tiers état « was abolished and the « Ancien Régime « eventually shuffled off this mortal coil . I am definitely not a supporter of the « peine de mort « ( death penalty) and any political system that utilizes it to terrorize its citizens.Wonderful to see the political theory propounded by the Bordelais Montesquieu, in his work « De l’esprit de Lois «, come into fruition in the last two centuries.
I never found out the actual details. I assumed overdose.
loved that story! the unanswerable question: was it worth it? might experiencing the miracle of life first hand have changed something in his twisted mind?
my first-born came out via emergency c-section. bit of a shitshow but ultimately mission accomplished. my second-born came through the holy place, living proof of my wife’s champion-level determination and mystical magic. unforgettable.
i expect there were other days when kirra pumped.
If there were 200 pricks spread down the line, there would have been 5000 barrels threaded today. I reckon Kirra could cope with six person heats comfortably. Great spectacle but the judges probably wouldn’t be able to keep up.
for me was a repetition of the North point disaster of 2017..
Bit of a chook raffle but sure beats Huntington Beach!
If Jacky was allowed a free ride into the event it would have been epic , but alas the WSL and Billabong have ganged up on JR to re work his contract in thier favour , it so sucks i might have to buy my own 200 series landcruiser next , its all a conspiracy for you eh mate eh
Down notes? I thought it ended positively exultantly.
But did 7/10 Kirra not provide the delicious intrigue the KookPond will find impossible to deliver? I sincerely hope Sophie sat on the rocks amidst the toad-like locals, Brazzas, Japanese and confused Russians and thought, “By gosh, the ocean is a powerful, deceptive wonderland. Let’s just schedule one pond event on the tour so Kelly can host his rich friends and let the rest of the people continue to taste the salt on their lips”. Or something like that.
6 or 7 tubs.
Are you talking 6 or 7 ponds in the schedule?
That was what I got from reading the real Nick Carrolls excerpt from his surfers Journal piece on Sophie, posted here in the comments.
You read differently?
I’m real! Really, really, really real!
And also a legend!
My brother Tomas Karol is a legend, I’m just a hack trying to make sense of the nonsensical.
Tomas Karol, from the well known Czechoslovakian surf family.
You’ve heard of us? The surf world is a small world after all!
I missed that Surfers Journal piece, Steve. Where to look, please?
It was a comment Nick Carroll made in a story from Chas here….it contained an excerpt from a piece he wrote for the Journal.
Longtom, am I missing anything about Sophie being a neo nazi? Otherwise why would you mention a ‘’final’’ solution to a Brit? Surely if there is a limit, this is one.
fcuk, I did not even think of that when writing.
chicken must be very cheap in Brazil.