The winner will change our game.
A better part about traveling, as you well know, is discovering regional traditions. The particular music or architectural quirks. Ways of saying hello or goodbye. Food and drinks that exist few other places. I am currently in New Jersey working on an up coming BeachGrit wetsuit tale with locally famous surfer Tommy Ihnken and he insisted that I eat a pork roll this morning for breakfast. Now, I did not know what a pork roll was nor had I ever heard of it but when the diner lady laid it on the laminate tabletop I was pleasantly surprised.
More than pleasantly surprised even. The pork roll is a New Jersey delicacy that pairs egg, cheese and a roll with what appears to be Spam. I dumped a little hot sauce on the side, took a bite and almost fell out of my plasticine chair. The American cheese, melting over the processed pork was perfection and I had not been so smitten since… since… since Foodland on the North Shore some fifteen years earlier.
For it was then and it was there that I reached a younger hand under the warming lights and pulled the warm Saran wrapped Spam musubi into my heart and into my life. Spam musubi, for the uninitiated, features a bed of rice and a bit of seaweed wrapping holding a lightly teriyaki seasoned piece of Spam. That first bite, all crispy and salty, brought tears to my eyes and I thought I had discovered culinary heaven.
But now, some fifteen years later, I am locked in an ugly quandary. Which one is better? New Jersey’s pork roll or Hawaii’s Spam musubi? Which holds the crown for Best Pork(ish) Product on Earth?
I am lost. I am stuck. Can you help me decide? I think whichever wins is also The Official Snack of Surfers Everywhere (excluding Israel, Indonesia, Morocco, etc.)
Vs.
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I’m not a surfer. I live in Philadelphia, where there are no waves or beach, though possibly plenty of grit I suppose. To be honest I wouldn’t know, having had a relatively easy life and retired a multimillionaire in my late 20s. I’m just a rich 31 year old with a penchant stimulants who’s excessive amount of free time is only outdone by his bank accounts. Why do I read beachgrit? I enjoy the uncouth musings of that narcissistic megalomaniac Chas and watching him cultivate his mystique amongst the small but vocal follow of groupthinking sycophants. I find it hilarious, for example, of all the talk about surfing going mainstream. It’s only been, what, 60 years since The Beach Boys?? I don’t think you guys need to worry about you’re secret little counterculture being sudennly co-opted by the masses because news flash: No one outside of surfers gives a fuck about surfing. It’s less relevant than professional boxing for fuck sake. But acknowledgement of that fact would mean giving up that angsty and elitist attitude that defines your very existence, and we can’t have that, can we?
All that said, it is not a matter of debate. Pork roll is just light years ahead of spam, no matter which way you dress it up. To act like that is an open question is at best disingenuous, Chas. Cognitive dissonance is a tough one but something you’ll need to overcome if you want to have ever have some god damned integrity. You’re head is quite large, Chas, so you should find small hooks on which to hang your hat.
This honestly might be the worst comment in Beach Grit history.
I’ve dreamed of writing The Great American Novel™ but alas I shall be remembered for my sycophantic comments on The Grit.
You are totally right about everything except the pork roll.
The perfect response.
whoa whoa whoa, say what you will about our food, women, waves…. But speaking ill of The Boss will not be tolerated.
No,no,no…not the Boss, the production team that listened to that song about a lonely guy whose writer’s block could only be cured by a root, and saw a stadium rock anthem in it.
Actually, come to think of it, genius, I take it all back.
One thing you need to also consider here is the classic New Jersey roll that you ate it on. No where in this great country is there better bread than in NJ and NY… Its all about the water, Holmes. So good in fact that pizza makers go to the length of shipping our water all over the country to try and replicate the NY/NJ pizza/bread dough….. This ain’t even a contest… Pork roll, egg and cheese on a hard roll with a side of clogged arteries FTW.
This is 1000% fact.
Is there any .song with more lyrical/ production dissonance than ‘Dancing in the Dark’? Maybe ‘Girlfriend in a Coma’, but that was clearly ironic.
donuts. with sprinkles. the end.
Big donut are so dry and useless, the glazing/ sprinkles frustratingly sweet.
Those little deep fried cinnamon blobs of bliss on the other hand …
ooooh fried cinnamon is good!
but frosting and sprinkles win for me everytime. i’m on the full sugar and caffeine program. i used to race mountain bikes on pop tarts and espresso and it was so good.
Spam musubi, with shoyu–always mo betta.
As a former NY deli employee you have two options…2 fried eggs, bacon and cheese (on a roll…you neanderthals) or 2 fried eggs, sausage and cheese. Except that this sausage patty is one that I always called “Sahara Sausage” meaning you could leave it out for hours and it would still be delicious after two minutes on the grill.
I kid you not…I go to a lot of places in the world where people tell me that a real NY egg sandwich is one of the best things they’ve ever eaten.
“I go to a lot of places in the world where people tell me that a real NY
egg sandwich is one of the best things they’ve ever eaten.”
Let me guess: Iraq, Afghanistan, Germany and Saudi Arabia?
Nope…Sweden, the UK, Singapore, etc.
I was kidding, right?
But…
Sweden? Come on…One of the worst country you’ll find in Europe foodwise! Meatballs? Rotten fish? Tasteless cheese? It’s fat, they seem to have an endless stock of potatoes, it’s almost frightening.
UK? Food and UK aren’t usually use in the same sentence. There are plenty of good food in the UK, indian food, chinese food, japanese food… They sure could love what you’re calling a sandwich. They sometimes eat foot packaging without knowing it.
Singapore? I only know Changi airport, I thought there were nothing else than this airport, even the hotel is inside the airport. In terminal 1, there plenty of US fast foods, that’s all that I’ve seen…
You know what. I’m in NYC in the beginning of may. Where do I have to go the get this real NY egg sandwich? I wanna try it and give you a feed back!
Singapore is currently my favorite eating city. Hawaii and Rome (and/or Florence) are a close 2nd and 3rd.
Do you know how many times I’ve tried to like herring? It’s just awful.
I have a few spots in London that are pretty good. One of my all-time favorites is Madhu’s up in Southall. They also opened up one in the Sheraton on Bath Road near Heathrow.
In NY go to any non-foofy deli where the guys behind the counter speak mostly Spanish and you should be good. Choose your condiments wisely…ketchup is cool on bacon but I generally go butter/salt/pepper.
And if presented with the option of all three pork products (what we used to call A Tribute to Pork) it’s with saying yes.
hippie speed balls are the preferred pre surf meal.. weed and coffee
Spam is mostly pork shoulder. the best/most expensive part of the pig.
Nothing compares the impeccable delicacy that is Spam.
is “shoulder” the autocorrect option that came up when you tried to spell “sphincter”?
never underestimate the price of sphincter
Pork Roll is the meat itself, not the name of the sandwich. It’s kind of like bologna. Someone from NJ would order a pork roll, egg, and cheese (with hot sauce). Tommy Ihnken should have brought this to your attention.
They’re both shit when compared to the Australian breakfast staple of on-the-road-at-dawn surfers. The good old bacon and egg toasted sandwich with cheese. Add tomato or bbq sauce, whichever floats your boat. Washed down with an ice coffee. Get it from your nearest truck stop servo now!
If we’re talking the #1 surfer meal here, not just snacks, then go ahead and back that basic bitch of an egg sandwich the fuck up, because there’s already a burrito from a taco stand named something ending in “ertos” on the GOAT podium.
Burrito??? This is why Trump needs to build that wall
Aw shit, now I have to fight you.
Not if you stay south of the border Josè
hold out for the chorus if you Spanish is no good
https://youtu.be/8iJMOBcPQyg
With the murderers and rapists
Mexican food is the food of the Gods. Generally speaking.
Would double upvote if I could
The only good food in Australia are the meat pies. Your breakfast toast and beer are shit.
You’re damn lucky there’s no coffee tables around, or I’d be jumping it and strangling you
Your eggs are bleached whiter than Ronnies teeth.
Are you sure your name isn’t Americunt?
Get a Ned Kelly pie in ya guts cunt
I’m not having a go but American cheese is probably the United states single most devastating contribution to modern western society
Wrong. New Jersey is the worst.
They have Pork Roll at Billy’s in San Clemente
But are they real? Like real real?
Tommy has had it at Billy’s so he may be able to rate it. From what I remember it was decent. The tough thing to replicate is
the hard roll. I guess the equivalent would be spam musabi in HB… just not the same.
Hopefully you will try Scapple one day. You will have to form a new category because it’s so damn good.
I am a fat fuck with little to zero respect for what I consume, but even I draw the line before spam.
You are missing out. Spam is delightful although I have switched to turkey spam because of the obvious health benefits.
obviously a can of preserved turkey anus has superior health benefits than a can of pigs anus. take a peak in laird’s pantry, or kelly’s. turkey anus all day
Almost fell out of my plasticine chair! Haaaa
Much like Hawaii and New Jersey they both have their merits but it’s not exactly a tough decision. Musubi.
Your credibility is shit…Jersey has no merits!
🙂
Spam musubi: ultra-high glycemic sticky rice, apposed to a slab of nitrite-laced lard and tons of salt. Eating them is a sucide leap off a cliff that won’t hit the ground for ten years. Weeeeeeeeeeeeee!
On those merits alone I vote musubi.
I’d like to experience the vegan option.
Because you never learned to love yourself?
The opposite. Maybe a little too much.
Think of it as the fat Hawaiian version of avocado toast
do hipsters pay $14 for it?
In Canggu they do