The caipirinhas are going to taste twice as sweet down there tonight.
For years the greatest surfer to ever live, Kelly Slater, has treated the country of Brazil very poorly. He has mostly refused to travel to there for professional surf competition or romantic rendezvous though he once dated crown jewel of Três de Maio, Rio Grande do Sul, Gisele Bündchen. He gladly takes the mulligan even when in actual World Surf League Championship Tour Jeep Leaderboard Yellow Jersey contention instead of flying LATAM south and east.
Yes, Kelly Slater’s disdain for both order and progress is well known and part of me wonders if this past month’s Founders’ Cup event at Lemoore, California’s Surf Ranch was held mere days before the Oi Rio Pro waiting period because he couldn’t but help twisting the knife, assuming that Rio would be uninspiring and his own Surf Ranch would continue an unfettered publicity run.
The future of surfing etc.
Well hmmm. By all accounts Surf Ranch competition is wanting and the almost wrapped Rio Pro is a revelation. Can we read a snippet from Nick Carroll the world’s current best surf writer (now that Tom Wolfe is dead)?
Well, how about that? Barrinha just kicked the shit out of the pool.
Best men’s round one of the year. Free, unpredictable surfing, just the way we know it to be.
There were lame heats and almost brilliant ones. There were peelers and heaving backwashy ones and sharp-edged little beauties. People did free-form things on closeouts. The two closing rides of JJF’s and the Mongrel’s in their round one heat obliterated everything done last weekend in Lemoore. Hell, the Mongrel’s free-fall off the lip move did that on its own.
Watching it, I kept thinking, “Maybe this is just me.” After all, I am an Australian surfer, thus my surfing eye is a sucker for five foot rock-wall wedged up beachies. It’s DNA for chrissake.
But then I thought, “Who ISN’T a sucker for five foot rock-wall wedged up beachies?” Anyone who doesn’t like that stuff doesn’t like life.
I don’t believe in karma but I do believe in Brazil and apparently in order and progress too. The caipirinhas are going to taste twice as sweet down there tonight.
Ding dong the witch is dead etc.
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Cote, did the same thing to my announcing career. 🙁
“The wave of investment in surfing has grown and is beyond radical: the Brazilian stage of the WSL, from today until the next day in Saquarema, raised R $ 9 million in sponsorship. A high and so much, taking into account that, until 2015, investments in this stage reached a maximum of R $ 5 million, according to a survey of V3A and 213, agencies responsible for negotiations with sponsors of the world’s surfing elite.”
Keep bashing scrooge, keep bashing…
It’s for real, accept it… in surf, number of athletes WQS and WSL, financial numbers for all, and lot, lots of passion.
It will be less painful.
“A onda de investimentos no surfe cresceu e está pra lá de radical: a etapa brasileira da WSL, de hoje até o próximo dia 20, em Saquarema, arrecadou R$ 9 milhões em patrocínio. Uma alta e tanto, levando-se em conta que, até 2015, os investimentos nessa etapa chegavam no máximo a R$ 5 milhões, segundo levantamento da V3A e 213, agências responsáveis pelas negociações com patrocinadores da elite mundial do surfe.”
https://blogs.oglobo.globo….
Dude, well, maybe passion for a few, and its easy to throw around numbers. Looks like the WSL might be taking a big financial hit also now that their wave tank seems to be already antiquated. Back to the drawing board I guess.
Wondering if anyone has actually physically taken a shit on Kelly. He could be the kind of freak who gets off on this. Whatever does it for you.
That antivirus computer dude John mcafe loved that shit, literally crazy good documentary on it “gringo” (the guy not just the hot cosby’s)
mcafe and the Detroit steamer. one in the same,
I think in fair Rio it might be more accurate as #gostaph.
I for one am glad that you’ve wrapped up the doco and book and that you can apply all of your vitriol to it’s one true calling once again.
The Oi Rio Pro.
Brought to you by Oat Bran.
This forum is leaning a little close to the STAB spectrum don’t you think moderators?
Yip…
does it make you heart flutter a little Negs?
No, it makes it heavy and sad when I have to delete comments on mass.
Ah well I suppose we don’t really get to see the full force of the retardation since you’re doing such a good job removing it. Definitely noticed an influx of diminished intellect though.
I thought it was all over afew weeks back and then we had a beautiful run of commentary off the back of the Andy Irons film stories.
Ebbs and flows…
Yeah thank god you’re here Nega.
Do I sense a note of sarcasm? Maybe just a little?
En masse. Or were there lots of comments about a religious service that you had to delete ??
That’s one of many reasons I unblock toilets for a living…
You mean like Sagittarius?
Chas, I think you hit it dead-on when you said Slater had the Founders event just a few days before the Brazil event just to try and make his wave tank look good. Looks like the real ocean had bad news for Slater.
I have said it a million times, don’t fuck with Mother Nature. She can be a mean, vindictive bitch.
Berga. – No mames
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Hahaaaa. I like it.
not in Rio anymore, an hour north at Saquarema
fix heat analyzer
what browser does heat analyzer work in it malfunctions in Safari
Works fine in my safari browser
Using google chrome app to watch heat analyzer on iPad.
anti kelly haters need to take a break it’s getting pretty lame and old get a new record
We are pro anti Kelly haters thank you very much.
no youre ametures
where do I start?
The greyhound bus station to Siberia ASAP with any luck
I concede defeat.
Are they anti-kelly and also haters or anti-kelly-haters? because those are two different things.
very interesting line , anti-Kelly haters , or people who support Kelly who are star struck ?
What happens here on these forums is that a certain degree of reality resides , with a touch of nothing or nobody is sacred , everyone is forum fodder here.
Kelly is just trying to evolve the sport in his image , which looks right now an elitist /artificial alternative surfing bubble , where his business associates have put up $300m to further his dream of world domination!
Brasil’s getting him back for staling Adriano’s championship limelight, surely.
I surfed firing Snapper with Kelly in the water. I could sense an intense ego and desire for adoration that I have never felt before. It was as if Kelly was sucking in every ones soul whilst he took the jet ski back out. It was as if the adoration provided him with further subhuman powers. Probably how he won all those titles….sucking souls for ego
Sucked a lot of souls to get where he is?
sucked a lot of something
at 5’6″ or whatever he’s a walking headie.
I haven’t heard that big Jesus atop the mountain in Rio laugh this hard since his outstretched arms first inspired Laird’s surfing arms posture. Big Jesus: “ahem….AHEM!….yo Kelly, does my dick taste like Brazilian BBQ or what?!? Suck it kook! HAHAHA!!!!!”
Kelly’s obsession with perfection will cost him. Most of surfing’s bread and butter manoeuvres developed in response to less than perfect conditions. The KookPond negates the need for a surfer to draw upon his or her full repertoire, hence why the level of surfing is so much higher in Brazil. Hence why the performance level between men and women in Lemoore was almost equal. This is why Waco is now the most interesting pool on the planet. Kelly will be fucking beside himself.
Spot on! Lemore is Myspace, Waco is Facebook.
stupid analogy!
I don’t blame Kelly. He’s undoubtedly already spent enough time chasing forest monkeys around at the FireWire factory to be bothered with Brazil. Now back to the real issue. Mikey Wright is a little pussy boy Weet-Bix kid. Can we stop with the fucken “mongrel” shit. It’s just a fucken hair cut. You can all grow it. Fucken idiots mate. All of ya. Especially Nick Carroll. Short arse.
If he was a mongrel he would have jammed Jesse Mendes’ board up his fucking nose at Maggot Creek.
Cunt needs to work a 9-5 for 10 years and get some actual fucken demons. He spends more time in the mirror than my fucken girlfriend and she’s gotta pluck her moustache daily.
K’n Oath.
Not just Mikey, all of the spoiled sponno wanks.
Needs to spend more time diggin ditches than staring in the mirror like bitches?
Don’t worry, he’ll get his chance to do the 9-5 for plenty of years after Quik changes up their marketing campaign in a couple of years.
mine plucks the goatee…
What is the opposite of a hair trigger?
Premature pontification?
Careful, I have a very considered temper
He’s baaack !
I knew mr nice guy couldn’t last.
Tyler is more mongrel then her brother ever will be
That’s right mate. This will probably get deleted but that doesn’t make you wrong!
I meant it in an endearing way. She’s probably one of my favourite surfers I think
Oh yeah me too that’s totally what I was saying…..
Got a strong foundation giving her a solid grip on Aus.
Hahahaha
Lmao
You’ve got some rage Wiggs. I’m pretty angry too. I don’t fight really but let’s bash someone. Jordy? That cunt needs a smack down.
He is a Saffa. All cunts without exception.
Upvote
Outstanding !
On fire!
Better cunts than you’ve ever touched
at least I’m a fucken natural foot.
Yeah I’m thinking about relearning to surf going regular after watching Joan Duru look like absolute shit going right. He’s not even a handsome Frenchman. He looks like Parko mate.
In his defense he dropped an 8 and 7.67 and would have won every other heat in round 2 by 3 points in very tricky Ballito/Backdoor rights . No denying his big basque nose .
Yeah, second heat total of round 2, but he was against the one with the first heat total… It was close though… Bad luck for a guy who deserves his spot on the CT.
Big nose, but not sure he is Basque! His father is a judo and sambo world class fighter, I won’t go and ask him, he could be sensitive on the issue…
In his defense he plows Maude le Car
burn!!!
Yep fuck the screw foots
At least Wiggs is the best surfer in his family.
Lil bro wishes he could surf as good as me.
It’s fun when the Nic Carol’s go at it.
I can’t. nature (or possibly karma) has decided that hair only continues to grow in the over hanging/ past vertical areas like nostrils, ears and lower regions of the scalp. for some reason my shoulders are exempt from this rule.
Cmon mate. You can surely still grow off the back of the head like a fish a chip shops plastic strips on the door.