A $1500 limited-edition board by the genius that created the Lost empire and Tesla's Elon Musk.
I have a girlish fascination with Elon Musk, the South African billionaire and futurist whose can-do attitude leaves me feeling passive and dumb.
Shall we count the ways he’s changed the world? The satellite biz that proved private enterprise can compete against the Russkis, the Americans and the Chinese in the space race, the hyperloop that’s gonna revolutionise travel, electric cars so fast they jerk your eyes wide open and smash frail bodies against the vegan-friendly faux leather seats.
What’s not to love etc?
A few moments ago, another man for whom I burn a candle (although this has dimmed slightly in recent months due to pressure from a rival publisher), Matt Biolos, announced a surfboard collaboration with Musk’s car biz, Tesla.
From the presser: “The Limited Edition Tesla Surfboard features a mix of the same high-quality matte and gloss finishes used on all our cars. The deck is reinforced with light-weight “Black Dart” carbon fiber, inspired by the interiors in our cars, and featuring tonal logos in subtle contrast gloss. Model S, X and 3 can comfortably accommodate this surfboard on either the inside or outside of the vehicle. Each surfboard is custom made to order. Only 200 will be produced. Please allow 2-10 weeks for production and delivery.”
The shape, according to Biolos, is “a contemporary short board scaled up and refined for performance.”
Fins not included.
Cool… $1,500 for a carbon based vacuum bagged “Pop-Out” surfboard.
Most likely made in Indonesia or China due to their extremely low labor costs and a near complete lack of any enviro regulations.
Will DemocRATs in CA provide a $700 taxpayer subsidized cash rebate to complement the $10,000 combined tax rebate/subsidy provided by the Feds and CA to entice those wealthy lads who buy the overpriced Tesla’s?
It’s just not cool without a matching wetsuit.
lame tail
Pedo statement might get you a lawsuit!
Someones thinking!
They don’t flex correctly…way to stiff.
But he’ll we’re all talking about the wallhanger.
Marketing complete!
Hey Matt,
Short your partners stock you will makes heaps more then building the boards…just don’t tell him about your investment or your board contract will be toast.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
“ featuring tonal logos in subtle contrast gloss.“
This is the most important bit of course.
Wrapped in carbon with FCS fins… about as pretentiously techy as one would expect of a Tesla collaboration.
And the next board in the Tesla/Biolos collab – one that you control with your mind! https://waitbutwhy.com/2017…
I just finished reading all of that.
Thanks – very interesting.
Wonderful blog, and the whole series on Musk is enlightening. Recommend the Fermi Paradox entry too
Pretty inaccurate re the spinal cord (not just a bunch of axons). I would have a little trouble taking everything, or most things he says at face value. Still an interesting read
Does it have an “autonomous auto-pilot” setting to avoid the peasants clogging their lineup?
Derek, I know you have a hardon for the future, but this is utter tripe.
Surfing has officially jumped the shark.
I want to hear more about the pressure by a rival publisher. I mean shit Dez, I really thought you & Biolos were going to prom together. Anyways, get over it fucker and do your job. Who was the publisher and what was the nature of the pressure? Feel free to embelish if you want to say “there’s not much to it. Contracts ya know.”
Come on, Otto, you’re always here, how did you miss this one? From what I understand Stab basically told Biolos to cut ties here or he wouldn’t be promoted over there.
I wanted to hear it out of the horse’s mouth. Not a donkey.
Donkey? Mate, you must be a fucking thalidomide tragedy with the amount of time you spend commenting here.
I’m sorry, what did you say?
All I heard was “hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw, hee-haw.”
Hey JP Currie, stop stalking. Much like your writing, it’s creepy.
Who am I stalking? You’re the one stuck in here like a fungus making the place seem foosty.
Anyway, don’t spar with me you thick cunt. You don’t have the IQ to make it worth my time.
It was worth your time when I commented as That Dead Whale at Trestles. You always wiped your tears away and told Neg how you couldn’t believe you once again got pulled down the rabbit hole.
This is all your fault. You’re snipey, snarky, believe you’re smarter than people, and you use the most ridiculous words you little fuck. Get fucked. Are we clear?
Ah, so that was you, you moron! Excellent. You SoCal knobs are so funny.
I am smarter than people. Not everyone, but most certainly you.
I’m up voting both of you for comedy drama bitch-fight entertainment.
Thanks! Do you guys take bookings?
Let’s not go back down that road. Unless they’re prepared to step it up a notch for Lennox Carpark Fight Night.
Ah yes, the LCFN.
The smell of scuffed loafers, the sound of rough-hewn coffee tables being pulled from the backs of utes and slung to the dusty gravel in preparation for empassioned leaping…
Saw these guy on Saturday night live ya?
Que?
An old school internet hero fight! Brings back somewhat guilty but fond memories of hours wasted…
Thalidomide! Who knew it would return, one day, as a fabulous cancer treatment. Therefore, is the suggestion Otto is cancerous or that he has flippers instead of limbs?
Perhaps he thought that changing his Disqus name could offer him similar reinvention and possible redemption. Or maybe he was just embarrassed by his volume of mediocre commentary.
I changed my Disqus name cause there was no work left to accomplish. I had finally upvoted a comment of yours. And David Lee Scales had used one of my comments on his podcast with Chas “The Grit” to launch a new segment he called Deep in the Comments.
Your theories are incorrect.
Well, yes. A rival publisher, let’s call them “Stab”, expressed a great sadness directly to the proprietor of the most wonderful surfboard empire in all of San Clemente that it was impossible to report on their Lib Tech collaboration while ads were appearing on BeachGrit. Et voila.
That being the case, I wonder who else is getting strong-armed? The part I don’t get is how brands get destroyed on the message board but they keep coming back for more punishment. I guess we’re doing it wrong Dez.
I like this story. One advertiser was told that he’d made Stab/SurfStitch very sad by advertising on BeachGrit and that if he wanted to be certain his next range would still be bought by the online retailer, he must cancel campaign a tout de suite. Advertiser rang me in panic. But they did pay out their contract.
…another couldn’t get his board into Stab in the Dark, he said, despite being underfoot of title contender, because of campaign on BeachGrit. I’m sure there’s two sides to every story, howevs.
Oh gawd. It’s all so high school.
Like Mean Girls but with super cute boys!
What could possibly be the “other side” of that story? Oh please speculate at will.
That is hilariously small pond petty. I have definitely heard of the “advertise with us and we’ll review you” sorts of understandings, sometimes said in outside voices, sometimes not, but I’ve not really heard of this angle on it! Surfing, you are always a wonderful surprise! I wouldn’t have imagined they had the reach for such leverage, but I can’t say I’ve bothered to look, really.
You mean small wave pool petty!
Wave pool, bath tub, whatevs 😀
Moments like that are just another reason Beachgrit will fall on the right side of history in the annals of surf culture. Ah, bless those silly billy STAB boys..