Middle Flo bro shows kindness to surfing elder…
There’s never been much notice paid to Nathan, the middle Florence brother. There was the paddle-in at Teahupoo that lifted eyebrows, of course, but, for most, the spotlight remains fixed on his theatrical older brother John John.
Over the course of a couple of interviews, I have found Nathan to be pleasingly off-centre, whimsical and cheesy, like synth-laden music.
Sample exchange:
Describe your older brother’s personality.
He can be super mature, just ’cause he has to deal with so many interviews and business-like stuff, but then at the same time he’s more immature than me and Ivan… especially when he gets drunk.
What does he do when he’s boozed?
He looks like a little kid. He looks like a five year old.
And
“I can tell you the cruellest thing (John John) has ever done to me. When I was 10, he threw a rock at my face and knocked out all my front teeth. He had perfect aim.”
And
“I was actually thinking it would be sick if they chose the president by a Gladiator’s tournament. The guys have to be super smart but super good at warfare fighting stuff, too. Like they have to fight their way to the top. They put ’em through a maze kinda thing straight into a battle thing so that our president would be, like, the gnarliest fighter and the smartest. Then there’s not some guy just giving orders. He could go and destroy if he wanted to.”
Yesterday, Nathan posted a breezy little POV clip surfing behind pal Billy Kemper.
Before long, and as his his wont, Kelly Slater soon got into it.
“I totally trust you to get to barrelled behind me at backdoor this winter a lot,” wrote Kelly.
Nathan replied:
“I can hold your hand through some barrels old timer, like walking a grandpa across the road, I got you.”
Oh he’s good.
And it made me think: well, it’s time I lifted the telephone and called Nathan again.
But what should be asked?
Gimme a dozen questions and I’ll call him tomoz.
Go down the skate path with him. Who rips harder out of all the Florences? What dimensions do they fuck with (board, wheels, trucks)? Do they get down with any of the Hawaiian pro skaters or the local skate scene? Would they ever do a skate part?
Alternately: who’s got the biggest dick?
Opening question:
‘Oi Nate ya cunt, how bigz ya dick mate?’
How cranky does John John get when he doesn’t surf? Also, do you ever get jealous not being named Nathan Nathan?
If Kelly is John’s dad, does that make him your uncle?
Opinions re: Zeke Lau.
“If I post this on Insta I can show everyone I’m humble!” – The GOAT
How many of John’s groupies do you get to nail?
I want to hold hands in the barrel with Mom—John.
If that’s what we are going to call it.
Living on that island, with all his natural talent, seems like an Eden…… I wonder what depresses him..???? What is his Forbidden tree….. does it ever get stale ???
John Florence is about as theatrical as a wet lettuce..
Can you ask if I can stay at his place next summer. My wife is pretty keen on checking out Hawaii but I ain’t into big waves. Hence the summer deal. Plus I figure the North shore is probably a nicer place in the down season. Anyway, get back to me with the details and I’ll DM you my contact.
I’m confused about all this
Does this mean Kelly is inviting Nathan ‘into his tube,’ from behind?
Isn’t Kelly a bit old for him?
Are we about to ‘enter’ a #METOO era for young surfers?
Is Kelly ‘positioning’ himself as a Kevin Spacey?
theres no age for love…
Do you pronounce it Olympic Surfing or OhLimpDick Surfing?
Having surfed Waco, and not Surf Ranch yet, imagine our wave pool future as a tree. Is there a branch divide it then?
When JJ gets drunk like a five-year old, do you make him eat paste?
What’s the difference between your and you’re?
Does John John wish he had your life?
When you and your brothers were young and your Mom had to tell JJ not to do something, did she have to say “no” twice?
Who out the brothers can grow the worst goatee?
A dead heat.
They both look like bum fluff.
Real simple one
Is JJ coming back on tour this year ?
NO!
Or next year ? Or ever ?
Ask him if he has bathroom issues, then give him one simple trick to do each day. The show him a photo of pizza stuffed green peppers.
The fuck is with this ad.
She had no clue why the crowd….
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
You should ask him what it was like spending his formative years sharing a bunk bed with the albino from the Da Vinci Code.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
Oh I will!
1. Do you know if John John is bisexual, homosexual or hetrosexual?
2. Do you think John John is bisexual, homosexual or hetrosexual?
It’s a start! What else y’got?
3. Have you ever caught John John having sexual intercourse with a female, male, transexual or himself?
4. Do you have a mild case of middle child syndrome?
5. Do you think Robert Slater is bat shit crazy, bonkers or just completely insane?
6. Accommodation on the North Shore is crazy expensive…can I stay at your house this winter?
Keep firing. Real good.
7. John John casts a pretty large shadow over you; do people sometimes compare you to Nathan Fletcher? (if yes follow up with ‘how does that make you feel?’)
8. Do you secretly hope John John fucks himself up on drugs, starts talking utter shit and develops a busted ugly style like Christian Fletcher?
God, now you’re warm…
..
9 -…do two jays ever wake up screaming “- no, medina, not again!” in the middle of the night?
six is gold…
How dare you assume he’s male. Or female. Or….., sorry, what was the question?
…do you florence siblings share an ocasional dutch rudder?