The International Surfing Association falls in love with the Olympic movement!
In exactly two more years we will all be sitting in front of our televisions or streaming devices watching our greats surfing for gold in Tokyo. Can you believe? Can you even believe? Surfing for gold with the national anthems and the patriotic outfits and the athlete village with the STDs and performance enhancing drugs (NOT Kelly Slater approved). Surfing for gold with flags, painted in miniature, on proud faces and the jingoism and Bob Costas’s pink eye. Surfing for gold with the interstitial programing taking us inside Brett Simpson’s Huntington Beach home.
Inside Brett Simpson’s Huntington Beach home.
Can you really believe?
I can’t. I think it is fucking stupid but that did not stop a surf industry who’s who from descending upon some Orange County event space recently to hear a presentation from the man responsible for Olympic surfing, Mr. Fernando Aguerre, himself.
The industry blog Shop Eat Surf attended and let us read from Mr. Aguerre’s prepared comments.
“The ISA does not want a one night stand,” Fernando said. “…The $1.2 million you guys have donated to us in the last nine years is not enough.”
“We still need to convince the IOC that we need to stay,” he said. “Because, let’s face it. A one-night stand might be fun, but that’s not really want you want. You want a long, happy relationship with the Olympic movement.”
But let’s be honest. Is surfing really something the Olympic movement wants to take home and introduce to mama?
Really?
Surfing with the cocaine dusted nose? Buy here in America! Here in Australia! Here as an Audible!
Surfing with the never ending apocalypse?
I think the donated 1.2 million should maybe go into a fund for various laid off team managers instead. I think that would be more appropriate.
Fucking Olympics…
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When do they announce there’ll be a Wavestorm training academy for all national teams at Lemoore for 15 million a week?
Will the entire world see competitive surfing the way my non surfing girlfriend does when she see’s Gabby on a right hand point break, “Wtf? He’s just doing the same thing over and over. This is dumb can we watch something else”. She’s right, I can’t see why any non surfer would want to watch half the events on tour, unless JJF’s making an unmakeable barrel or Toledo’s on an air rampage, it’s boring af to her. Getting non surfers to appreciate the nuances of a turn seems like a ridiculous waste of time. Surfers care and I can’t see how anyone else ever could.
The ISA owes me $60.
We don’t have to take our clothes off
To have a good time oh no
We can dance and party all night
And drink cherry wine uh huh
What if this whole thing (using Mr. Aguerre’s analogy) is just another booty call with an emotionally abusive ex, oh baby I’ll come back to you, I’m better now, plz plz plz…. . Can’t trust nobody in this scenario, all partners are compromised and desperate as fuck.
Mr. Aguerre might want to rethink his stance on the IOC and one-night stands. At the 2016 Rio Olympics, the IOC distributed 350,000 condoms, 100,000 female condoms and 175,000 packets of lube to 10,500 athletes staying in Olympic Village.
It would appear the IOC celebrates one-night stands. .
Jesus that’s 33.33 fucks per athlete – no wonder performance enhancing drugs are rife in the sporting world!
I once had a onenight stand with the ASP , it was everything i ever wanted ,drunk stoned debauched, i left next day with a skip in my step , i do like a one night stand sexy as fuck if you do it right.
You’ve got Fernando all wrong Chas. He is at the vanguard of The People’s Resistance. I believe he is a sleeper agent beavering away to keep surfing a marginal pastime for a marginalised sub-section of the population. The true subversive wears the uniform of his enemy and all that jazz.
Let’s start Aguerra!!!!!
Chas! Write a got damn article about the padang contest. That was the most entertaining contest I’ve seen in years. Blew away any world tour event.
Charlie don’t comp, but. Unless there were good shoes/blow.
Thank you. And yes.
Cornwall surfer James McNaught arrested over cocaine seizure http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/u…
It’s Bali after all. He could have worn no shoes and became enlightened by the spiritual flow . ( Then got shoes / blow at the after party )
I said it once and I’ll say it again: neither the Olympics nor the wavepools make me feel anything. Cue up the overwhelming indifference while I descend on Dane’s new part!
This is all Dane’s fault.
First: “…(NOT Kelly Slater approved)…” Smith, Chas
Kelly is SUSTAINABLE, and bald… by force of nature.
Second: “Because, let’s face it. A one-night stand might be fun, but that’s not really want you want. You want a long, happy relationship with the Olympic movement.” Aguerre, Fernando
Well Mr. Aguerre, I would say… call out Mr Ferré and Mr Daaane to teach you the “Fly me to Moon” path, with the exploring crater movement, and journey in the Milk Way…
They garantee, you will fly to another worlds, with thousand nights…
W.t.f you on and where do i get some?
I notice now that I put some french on Travis… maybe Daaane will take more care for the guy, in the Moon trip…
I want surfing in the Olympics, if only to make it look as absolutely lame as possible to deter future “heartlanders” from ever wanting to jump in. HGH’d Kelly, somehow finagling his way onto Team USA and still hobbled by a broken foot he refuses to allow heal, goes into the Tokyo pool and surfs like the gimp he will be, nursing turns because the wave doesn’t allow for real turns and then looking the fool crouching into a thigh high barrel. Then, hopefully, there will be mechanical failure. It will be worse than watching dirt biking or slalom canoeing and I will love it.
It’s going to be the dirtiest one-night stand ever. The Olympics will have to chew its own arm off to escape the morning after.
She is going to be a real “dingo trap”.
Haven’t heard that one before. Is that what the kids call it these days?
I have had to sacrifice a limb to escape a dingo trap on more than one occasion. But that was in the 90’s when I had hair and could see my toes.
YES! And we MUST have SPARKLY COSTUMES!!!
The sooner we have brutally choreographed routines of multiple partners in excruciating outfits on cloned pool waves, the better!!! Oh and forced enthusiasm!!! SOOOOO EXCITING!!!