Try this simple questionnaire to see if you qualify!
One of the great challenges facing a man as he throws himself into serious work, marriage, family etc, is retaining his sense of self and at least a semblance of his masculinity.
No more getting lit four out of every seven nights. No more young people with yellow hair and big brown eyes doing young lovely things to you. Or your spirit soaring in that moment of oblivion at a music festival etc.
The benefits are many, of course: love, family, security.
But does getting married, and getting serious about work, turn you into a “surf bitch”?
Answer these questions to see if you qualify!
- Does the idea of buying a new surfboard fill you with as much fear as it does excitement? Do you wonder, How will I tell wife? Where can I hide board until I find the courage within to reveal? How long will it be before I can pass board off as secondhand? Surf Bitch.
- Do wet car seats and does sand on the floor cause a frisson of tension in your marriage? Do you, therefore, force pals to de-suit and sit on folded towels and hose feet off before being allowed entry into your Volvo SUV? Surf Bitch.
- Do you drive a Volvo SUV? Surf Bitch.
- Has your enforced layoff from every day surfing driven you into the arms of surf consumerism? Do you wonder, seriously, about the different characteristics of fins? Do you sit in your cubicle and wonder if your board is the correct literage? Do you believe every new surfboard model is a quantum leap forward in design and not just a way of retaining consumer interest? Surf Bitch.
- Are you so afraid of your nudity that you own a surf poncho? Surf Bitch.
- Have your yearly surf trips changed from Hawaii or the Ments to the Maldives or Sri Lanka because your partner “wants to learn to surf?” Surf Bitch.
- Do you regularly miss epic dawn patrols because your partner wants you to watch the kids while he, she sleeps in? Surf Bitch.
- Have you ever sat in a beachfront cafe with partner eating eggs and discussing house prices while reef-foiled tubes spin off in front of you, driving you to new lows of self-disgust? Surf Bitch!
Well, are you?