Grom on e-bike (pictured) becoming immolated.
Grom on e-bike (pictured) becoming immolated.

E-bike battery explosion report reignites grom immolation terror across surf world

"Serious injury or death."

E-bikes, man. Since their introduction, some ten-ish years ago, the battery-powered two-wheelers have figuratively exploded in popularity, rendering the traditional leg-driven contraptions “obsolete” and “for poor people.” E-bikes are everywhere. Zooming through four way stops. Whizzing down sidewalks. Rocketing to the beach, surfboard affixed, thereby dispensing with stupid walking, which is also being rendered “obsolete” and “for poor people.

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E-bikes are popular with adult males, they are popular with adult females, and they are extremely popular with groms, who enjoy dashing around, helmets unstrapped, buddy on the back, not a care in the world. Groms love to take their e-bikes surfing, they love to take their e-bikes out for açai bowls, they love to take their e-bikes most everywhere that tweens and teens congregate.

E-Bike Literal Explosion

Well, in a horror new report, the very popular e-bike Rad Power Bike battery has been declared ultra-dangerous. The Consumer Product Safety Commission (CPSC) ordered that anyone who owns one should immediately stop riding as the lithium-ion battery poses a fire hazard that can cause “serious injury or death.”

The specific batteries that pose the fire hazard are model numbers RP-1304 and HL-RP-S1304, which are found on the RadWagon 4, RadCity HS 4, RadRover High Step 5, RadCity Step Thru 3, RadRover Step Thru 1, RadRunner 2, RadRunner 1, RadRunner Plus and RadExpand 5.

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Rad Power Bikes did not like the report, a spokesperson reaching out to CBS News to declare, “Rad Power Bikes firmly stands behind our batteries and our reputation as leaders in the e-bike industry, and strongly disagrees with the CPSC’s characterization of certain Rad batteries as defective or unsafe.”

The CPSC, unbent, responded that it has received 31 reports of batteries causing fires leading to $734,500 in property damage. Some of the fires sparked whilst the bike was just sitting there doing nothing, not being charged nor ridden, though no immolated groms, as of yet.

Rad Power Bikes, still likely chuffed, added that its e-bike batteries are tested at independent third-party labs and “meet or exceed rigorous international safety standards.”

The CPSC, unbowed, likely shrugged.

And so here we are. A standoff, as it were.

If you owned/own a Rad Power Bike, would/do you feel satisfied with the company’s pushback or would you pull your grom right off and take his or her bike to your worst enemy’s house and hiding it in the bushes with the hopes of doing some real damage??

Or, as a possible third option, would you dress your grom in an Ocean & Earth changing poncho before sending him or her on his or her way?

You’ll certainly recall three-ish weeks ago when grom immolation terror ripped across the surf world after the Australian based producer of “surf essentials,” like surf hats and towels, was forced to release a sweeping recall for its toddlers, kids and youth hooded ponchos after it was revealed they were highly flammable but missing an important red warning label.

“We would like to address a labelling matter concerning our Ocean & Earth Toddlers, Kids & Youth Hooded ponchos that you may have purchased,” the company stated. “While the safety of these products is not compromised, we regret to inform you that they do not comply with Product Safety Standard laws due to the absence of the red fire hazard warning label.”

Two negatives creating a positive? The Rad Power Bike problem canceling the Ocean & Earth changing poncho issue right out?

In truth, I am relatively surprised that the Consumer Product Safety Commission is still around what with the Trump administration’s extreme dislike of government agencies.

Strange days.

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