You can't script this!
I have received a very unexpected outpouring of affection from that little open letter to owner of professional surfing Dirk Ziff. Notes and message from every corner of the globe. Grumpy surfers unburying grumpy hearts and sharing what they love about surfing and what is missing from this current World Surf League iteration.
It has reignited my passions and feel we The People are coalescing around a set of values we’ve always shared just rarely verbalized. That the “hater” opinion is not only negative and nit-picky, as is likely the belief in Santa Monica. That we can either force the WSL to actually and truly engage or hasten its demise.
But then I get sad thinking, “What would Dirk and Natasha Ziff do if they could no longer stomp around blindly in our playground?
This morning the answer jumped off the newspaper and straight into my fired imagination.
Sandcastle building!
And read a little snippet with me if you would?
Brian Denny and his two sons couldn’t contain their shock Sunday.
The trio had just been announced as the group winner of the of the International Surf Festival’s sand castle design contest for their creation of a giant 10-tentacled octopus.
Along with 200 competitors, teams and individuals gathered near the Manhattan Beach Pier. around 7:30 a.m. for the 58th edition of the sand castle contest. It was all part of the annual 5-day International Surf Festival, which concluded on Sunday.
Contest participants were given just under two hours to build whatever their heart’s desire as spectators watched from the pier above trying to make out who was building what.
Denny, a Redondo Beach resident, often made sand castles while frequenting the beach as a kid, he said.
Sunday’s contest was the first for him and his sons Pierson, 11, and Lincoln, 9.
The family jumped for joy and could hardly contain themselves at the realization of beating out their fellow competitors.
“After the mermaid got fifth place, that mermaid had really great texture and detail and I thought ‘There’s no way ours is as good as that,'” Brian Denny said, adding that they came into the event with a plan.
The elder Denny moved the sand while Lincoln worked on the face, using seaweed for hair and sea shells for teeth, and Pierson created the tentacles. Aside from first place, the Denny’s were medals and a $50 gift to a local restaurant which they plan to use for dinner Sunday.
Do you see it?
Sandcastle building, like surfing, is a pointless, juvenile pastime with no inherent value or benefit to mankind other than providing small bursts of pure joy. The Ziffs, in the service of prosperity, could smash that joy to smithereens with a few already tried and true adjustments.
Here’s how!
Hold the sandcastle building contest over a ten day window with five days being dedicated to the competition. Kieren Perrow can be the commissioner and build a little test sandcastle every day to see if the conditions are right.
Always make sure people know it is a “sport” and sandcastle builders are “athletes.”
Have the judging criteria favor tried and true design over anything progressive and new. Sturdy walls. Moats. Pointy little towers. If successful, professional sandcastle builders will each build a version of the same exact thing.
Hire Turpel and Pottz to call the action.
Give the girls shittier sand far away from everyone.
Penalize individuality and/or genuine opinion so the professional sandcastle builders all say, “Yeah, the sand was good. The competition was rad. Yew…” at the end of the day.
Include Kelly Slater.
Start the few years by holding the sandcastle building competitions in beautiful Tahiti, Maldives, Rio etc. but then shift most focus to Kelly Slater’s Sandcastle Ranch in Tulare, California.
Stream live on Facebook.
Tell potential advertisers that because lots of people build sandcastles, the World Sandcastle Building League has potential to be the biggest sport in the entire world especially among people who have never built a sandcastle themselves.
Actually believe it.
Michelob Ultra Gold brewed with Organic Grains.
What am I missing?
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WSL is definitely thinking “Inside the Sandbox’. Of course, only their sandbox!
We will definitely have a webcast that only has 3 commercials that we run over and over again.
Sounds like a sexual harassment lawsuit waiting to happen.
“Yeah, the sand was good…”. Classic. What a great morning read… thank you Chas.
Karch Kiraly
Have worldwide infraestructure construction consortiums as sponsors !!!
When the sandpiles gets big, contestants can use a mini bobcat to get back out the back of the sand pile. It saves a lot of energy and improves the ‘viewing experience’, even if the tracks left by the bobcat can ruin the sand for other sandcastlers. Unfortunately, some old pros and their bucket makers are seen hooning bobcats through a crowded line up (where sandcastles are built along the high tide line) on the biggest and best sand days of the year, which usually occur when a cyclone eats into the dune system and exposes sand that you only get to see once or maybe twice in a lifetime if you are lucky. Eventually the cops get involved, and then everyone forgets until the next big day.
Will it be added to the Olympics? Do I need a sand building coach, attend a sand building clinic and paid for by the Australian Government?
I was thinking we need to include him as the face/ambassador/ forever. And ever.
Schroff will start an online race-war about ‘cheap Asian plastic bucket-n-spade sets.’
How many years in the desert wilderness, or are you off the sand tour for good, for using sand cement mix or kinetic sand??
But, why isn’t anyone talking about the impact for the golfing community? Is there a difference, between beach sand & desert sand?
desert sand behind the beach?
this is gold
Target – People who have never been to the beach or will ever go, let alone with a bucket and spade over attracting core consumers (because this strategy has worked out so well for the major Sand Castle Building Brands – Quiksand and Buildabong).
This reminds me of the seminal movie, “Bustin’ Down The Sandcastle”
In the above example, ‘seminal’ is correct.
The story of how Crane “Grabbit” Shovelomew had to hide under the drawbridge was riveting. He should have acted with more respect like his mate, San D., who’s unique physical posture while sculpting earned him the nickname “The One-Footed Tightrope Walker”.
I thought “Mourning of the Sand” more seminal. Although, Taylor Steele-Spatula’s “The Sifter” is up there too.
I dunno I just like the 1970s. “Five Summer Sandcastles”, “Goin’ Castlin'”, “Castle Voyager”, you know, the classics.
Oh sure, but don’t forget the tragedies. The Castleless Summer and Castleless Summer II.
And then there’s Storm Castlers. An inspiring exploration of two intrepid castlers, battling the elements to find the ultimate…ahh fuck it. This has jumped the fucken shark.
https://uploads.disquscdn.c… Also offer VIP seating to the NewCore™️ WSL fans
Joe has to refer to Pottz as 1989 Sand Castle World Champ. Pottz can help explain how the sport was revolutionized when Simon Anderson invited a triple headed shovel…
Shorely, you mean ‘rake’?
Here on Nantucket, surfers have started building low income sandcastle housing for people forced across our southern border by facebook collusion. The surfer community has also championed the Ban Plastic Straw movement here on the island. Surfers are really cool.
But if this takes off Chas, and the WSL fails … what then ?
Who will care about the groms with salt in their hair dreaming of becoming World Champion ? Will no-one think of them and their purely selfish desire ?
Won’t SOMEBODY think of the children?
I kinda think in a way it might do the children good.
Why do I get the feeling that ‘home-schooled sandcastle builder’ is such an awesome summation the problem.
Best not to construct an ivory tower from sand . Jebus gives Simon a new name Rock (Peter) and not sand .
The spade/shovel seems to have help Australian Surfers stay grounded in the dizzy glitzy world of pro castling as the game of sand thrones continues ?
Isn’t the spade/shovel the true sandcastler’s equivalent of the SUP paddle?
I had micro in mind with his choice of digging holes for Oz or surfing for Ireland . Don’t get me on to SUP’s !
Does calapinto goes to sleep wondering about my dreams of snagging Jeanies corner desk with the view of the carpark when she finally goes on maternity leave? I know Steve is also angling for it, and he’s a harder worker than me, but I have been at the company longer.
Be the best you can be !
Take to the Air, leap that desk !
Claim your prize.
Smirk like Griff.
For 99.9% of the non-surfing world, sand castle building is easier to understand…makes Pottz and Turps job easier!
99.9% non-surfing world rate flyaway kick outs as the most exciting thing they witnessed at a surfing contest
When Africanized Bees show up during the preliminary rounds of the contest and a couple sand castle enthusiasts a mile or so away get stung, pull the plug cause a couple of your more sensitive sand castle contestants posted to their IG that they’re allergic to bees and don’t feel safe. Be unphased by the poor optics of how you handled the cancellation, then announce that the contest will resume at another location where castle building is still castle building but there’s mud instead of sand and theres mosquitos with the Zika Virus.