Revealed: BeachGrit’s plan for prosperity!

"Beach Grit is my triple threat tool to add volume, create beachy texture, or to refresh a blowout while maintaining natural shine."

I didn’t sleep last night, tossing and turning beneath one thin Frette sheet, fans spinning languidly overhead, the words of professional surfing’s owner Dirk Ziff reverberating in my skull. Getting louder and louder and louder like Poe’s Tell-tale Heart.

It seems pretty obvious that if the WSL keeps growing in popularity, and surfing takes its rightful place among the great and elite competitive sports, everyone connected with our sport, and certainly all the members of SIMA, will prosper, except maybe a few grumpy locals who have to deal with some new faces in the lineup.

It seems pretty obvious that if the WSL keeps growing in popularity, and surfing takes its rightful place among the great and elite competitive sports, everyone connected with our sport, and certainly all the members of SIMA, will prosper, except maybe a few grumpy locals who have to deal with some new faces in the lineup.

It seems pretty obvious that if the WSL keeps growing in popularity, and surfing takes its rightful place among the great and elite competitive sports, everyone connected with our sport, and certainly all the members of SIMA, will prosper, except maybe a few grumpy locals who have to deal with some new faces in the lineup.

Over and over and over with the nightmarish fear gripping my throat that, in siding with the few grump locals, BeachGrit is foregoing prosperity. Missing out on the “rightful place.” I finally gave up, got out of bed, flipped open my computer and saw a message from my partner and friend Derek Rielly and relief washed over me. Our plan for riches finally revealed. Would you like to see?

Boom.

‘I woke up like this’ — you know, that sexy, effortless, casual style that is always a good look on any day. Mist on damp or dry hair from root to tip for easy, undone texture and enhanced natural waves. Or, just hit the roots for extra volume.

Good for: Looking like your hair is on beach vacation.

Pairs with: Straight Shine for the perfect blowout.

Beach Grit is my triple threat tool to add volume, create beachy texture, or to refresh a blowout while maintaining natural shine — no dry feel, no dulling, no worries. — PK

We will make all of the world look like grumpy locals without adding one new face to the lineup.

Checkmate, Mr. Ziff.

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channelbottom
channelbottom
8 years ago

You should make t-shirts bearing that screengrab. And sell them.

Jordy's Nipples
Jordy's Nipples
8 years ago

Dumb idea said David Lee Scales.

claimbridge_analytica
claimbridge_analytica
8 years ago

afraid to say that Garnier Fructis has a corner on this market with the mussed up, no fuss look of ‘Surf Hair’ matte gum styling paste. not saying there’s no room for competition but you better come correct.

Bushman
Bushman
8 years ago

Grass Roots products with a conscious direction. Items that up lift our state of being….in nature!

Otto
Otto
8 years ago

Beach Grit Product Warning Label:
WARNING: Do not apply Beach Grit Product to face that sports ziff*. May cause a rash reaction, cessation of dreams, localized fixation on all thinga grumpy, and delusions of grandeur. May also experience a charlie horse which will last for 7-10 days.

*ziff, as I just learned, is slang for a beard.

Bummer_Dude
Bummer_Dude
8 years ago
Reply to  Otto

Which in turn is slang for a female partner/wife acquired to present a front of heterosexuality and hide homosexuality. Coincidence? You decide.

Krypto Jackson
Krypto Jackson
8 years ago

The WSL’s priority should be keeping new faces OUT of the lineup. They can achieve that end and be financially successful by marketing surfing as a dangerous sport more fun to watch than do – play up the horrendous injuries the pros suffer – allow sharks to chomp athletes – but do not, in any way, encourage anyone new faces to surf.

Bushman
Bushman
8 years ago
Reply to  Krypto Jackson

Your funny…do some research see what group these guys all come from…look up banker, media and chooses ones!

Plan on unless you’re a member of the tribe … you will live even further from the surf and your kids will be surfing Kelly’s Pond.

Mariano Landa
Mariano Landa
8 years ago

So when’s the lawsuit? Tell me you got rights to the BG name…please tell me…

NEGATRON
NEGATRON
8 years ago
Reply to  Mariano Landa

Highly unlikely… Ashton Googins probably does though and has his lawyers on it as we speak.

Blade
Blade
8 years ago
Reply to  NEGATRON

That smarmy spineless seppo swine

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
8 years ago
Reply to  Mariano Landa

We were not forward thinking enough to lock down the “hair and hair products” rights unfortunately.

Audit In Progress
Audit In Progress
8 years ago

300-Grit for nuanced satire, 75-Grit for Laird stories.

Theon Greyjoy
Theon Greyjoy
8 years ago

https://www.youtube.com/wat… I couldn’t find the Rob Machado hair gel commercial from Taylor Steel’s Campaign, so this will have to do

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago

Was hoping to see a return of hair to my scalp while losing hair from back sack and crack ! Nah just joking , married someone who thinks body hair is a masculine trait .

Bleach'd Git
Bleach'd Git
8 years ago

Everything’s a masculine trait now James. Keep up please.

James Bickerton
James Bickerton
8 years ago
Reply to  Bleach'd Git

Bugger , Since yesterday am I a former / future Grumpy Old Local and now B de G you inform me that I’ve fallen behind in the gender games . Busy 2 days for an old bloke ! It’s possible that Alvin Toffler was thinking of poor grumpy balding hirsute locals when hypothesizing in” Future Shock “ the anxiety felt by an individual left behind by the continued acceleration in the rate of change ?

Bleach'd Git
Bleach'd Git
8 years ago

Not only possible, but highly probable. His pa was a furrier, after all.

Jen See
Jen See
8 years ago

Oh ha ha ha, a stylist put texturizing shit in my hair one day and I’m like, uh, why would I pay for this look? I pretty much can get it for free any time. But also, the shit had sugar in it and I pretty much had dreds by the end of the day. So that was cool.

John Cocktoastin
John Cocktoastin
8 years ago

Fook that, we need spray on neck tan, that’s your future…

Mapski
Mapski
8 years ago

If its not made from organic grains your wasting my time.

Chas Smith
Chas Smith
8 years ago

Working on it now but let’s just say it has some Purps in it…

Tronald Dump
Tronald Dump
8 years ago
Reply to  Chas Smith

ch-ch-ch-chia! https://uploads.disquscdn.c…

german_surfer_007
german_surfer_007
8 years ago

I got all the way checkout but couldn’t confirm if it will enhance my chronic dandruff


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