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How many mornings a week do you paddle out and have a surf of which you are proud? Like, whacking the lip and getting little tubes and well-timed wraps that don’t bog? One day a week? Three days a month? Less?
I feel we are mostly frustrated with our abilities. Not frustrated, maybe, but also not generally wowed. Just muddling along, trying to improve while also being resigned to never really improving.
It’s a hard knock life, for us, and we blame ourselves or should. The grown woman blaming her board is ugly. The grown man who flips his board upside down to examine his fins after an ill-timed wrap that did bog is ugly.
Our skill-level, for better or worse, is our personal cross to bear.
Or is it?
Recent studies suggest that the stars are responsible and let us turn to an astrological analysis from the esteemed Elle magazine.
Inspired by the primordial elements of life, water, air, earth and fire, zodiac signs CAN tell us a little bit about someone’s broad characteristics. Furthermore, astrology can give away information about a person’s strengths and weaknesses (we all know how important it is to be aware of both!), hobbies, interests, as well as best sports to pursue, be it surfing, martial arts, hiking or rock climbing. That being said, please remember that you are the only one responsible for your decisions and should always aim to break out of your shell.
So? Which signs are best for surfing?
Aires (March 21 – April 19):
Due to their competitive nature, Aries are easily put off by sports they are not so good at. Focus, strength and determination are their key assets, which is why high-energy sports fit them like a glove. Martial arts, boxing, motorcycle riding and outdoor activities are something Aries are drawn to.
Grade: D
Taurus (April 20 – May 20)
Unlike the previous sign of the zodiac, Taurus individuals usually don’t like speed and danger all that much. Competition is not something they’re particularly drawn to either. Earth is their dominant element, and they’re all about having fun, socializing and being close to nature.
Grade: F
Gemini (May 21 – June 20)
The first air sign of the zodiac, Gemini are characterized by duality. Don’t take it the wrong way, if harnessed just right, this can be turned to their advantage. They are generally curious, intelligent individuals who love a good debate.
Grade: D
Cancer (June 21 – July 21)
A water sign, Cancer is symbolized by the crab – with a rough outer shell but vulnerable on the inside. Sensitive, romantic, compassionate, Cancers are great at team sports but at the same time, they have a tendency to quickly retreat into their shells, which is why they are often called ‘crabby’ persons.
Grade: D
Leo (July 22 – August 22)
Born under a fire sign, Leos sure are fiery, fierce, overflowing with energy. Sparkling, courageous and very active, they believe in strong personal values. Their competitive nature makes them capable of great achievements.
Grade: D (from personal experience)
Virgo (August 23 – September 22)
Virgos are often considered more intellectual than active, but truth be told, they can take up any sport. Dominated by the earth element, they are detail-oriented, calculative and can sometimes take their organization habits a tad too far.
Grade: D
Libra (September 23 – October 22)
Intense effort is not the Libras’ thing, so sports are not as exciting for them. If they do choose to practice a sport, it should provide some benefits, keep them healthy and maintain their silhouette.
Grade: F
Scorpio (October 23 – November 22)
Scorpios are a force of nature. Passionate and assertive, their minds are just as strong as their bodies. Very determined, they love to be in control. Therefore, they can be ruthless competitors.
Grade: D
Sagittarius (November 23 – December 21)
One of the most athletic zodiac signs, those born under the Sagittarius sign love anything that gets them moving. Freedom is the word that best describes them – nudist beaches, wild camping, horse riding; all of these spell excitement.
Grade: D
Capricorn (December 22 – January 19)
Capricorns love spending time by themselves. An earth sign, they are practical persons, disciplined and dedicated. Their symbol is the mountain, the peak that has to be conquered. Indeed, they do feel the need to break their limits and embark on a slow but determined ascension, either on the social ladder or in whatever area of their life they choose to focus on.
Grade: D
Aquarius (January 20 – February 18)
An air sign, Aquariuses are independent individuals with a great sense of humor. Explosiveness and freedom best characterize them, as they are nonconformist, curious, rebellious souls that easily get excited about anything.
Grade: C
Pisces (February 19 – March 20)
Water is their element, and Pisces feel comfortable performing any water-based activity. Intuitive, artistic, sometimes overly trusting, Pisces oscillate between optimism and pessimism.
Grade: D
Well hell. Thanks a lot, lucky stars.
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Waxing and waning ?
If someone took a shite in BSR, it would bring a new meaning to the name ‘Cable Park.’
Derek Hynd ? Definitely No Fin problem with him ? Though he does go backwards and sideways and spins friction free .
Quite funny really because the only place , for most of my life , where I found peace and order was bobbing up and down on a board in the water ?
Ian Cairns??
Chas Smith??
Pink??
Katie Ledecky??
Tom Brady??
Noa Deane??
What about you NC?
Seriously?
No, I think it is one of those jobs you admire from a safe distance
Well I wanna know where they go from here. shearer recently offered himself up full time for $80g pa. The CEO probably pays cleaners more than that. Sal Masakela? Sabrina Brennan?? Sam Macintosh???
Chances are you’re not even what you think you are since there are in fact 13 constellations and the sky has changed a bit in 3,000 years, but don’t go telling that to all the rock worshiping LARP’ers that buy into this shit.
Well I don’t know Backward Fins Beth’s star sign but I bear tragic news: BFB is parting ways with the WSL.
Yes it’s true. Damn it, now we will never know just how much cool could have been purveyed.
More interestingly, what aesthetic will she poach for her next obligatory corpo officer photo? Leather jacket edgy or Hollister jean wholesome she’s sure not to disappoint..
– Joins NASCAR, drives a front wheel drive car! Tries to burn rubber!!
– Joins the NFL as Chief of Cool Communications, puts helmet on backwards
– Takes a job at UFC, oh god I can’t watch
Uber CFO, get’s a ride to the board meeting from a LYFT driver
Joins Futures Fins as Pres./CEO and convinces the Board of Directors to rebrand the company Serutuf Snif.
She’ll be going forward in reverse ?
The future is the past. Tomorrow is yesterday. The answer is the question.
Lovely to see you escaping the Judeo-Christian Linear Perspective of time and history and embracing the cyclic . Kind of makes sense for surfers who must follow the cycles of tide , moon and season ?
I heard she was moving to promoting competitive rowing.
Wonka Remix Retitled: “Ballad of the Backward Fins”
There’s no earthly way of knowing
Which direction we are going
There’s no knowing where we’re rowing
Or which way the river’s flowing
Is it raining, is it snowing
Is a hurricane a-blowing
Not a speck of light is showing
So the danger must be growing
Are the fires of Hell a-glowing
Is the grisly reaper mowing
Yes, the danger must be growing
For the rowers keep on rowing
And they’re certainly not showing
Any signs that they are slowing
“Here lies our beloved Beth, who once built a bridge to an island with her bare hands, saved 8 people from a burning building, raised $10 million for homeless people, but achieved worldwide celebrity by that one time she…”
Reminds me of the man from an island in the Mediterranean .
“I built 100 boats , do you think they call me a boatbuilder?
I went fishing everyday for 50 years , do you think they call me a fisherman ?
I made love to one goat……………….
Well, this deserves at least a farewell article on Beach Grit. Chas! get your ass on your computer!
Fuck this makes the Lamemore billboard dated!
So D is good yeh?
I’m an Aquarius, so life’s ok, but for all you other struggling kooks, I got you covered: https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
I won’t believe it works until I see my favourite “athletes” using it in competition!
“zodiac signs CAN tell us a little bit about someone’s broad characteristics.”
‘BROAD characteristics.’
It’s a women’s interest mag.
I see wot they done there.
It’s the matriarchy bru.
Eve wasn’t fuckin’ around, numsayin?
She gotchu on lock.
Yes Ma’am 😡
No -one cracks a B?? Holy shit that’s as depressing as getting as fat as the Grand Wizards!!
That’s a lot of D
I didn’t need the stars to tell me my surfing was a fail … but it’s a good confirmation
It’s not your fault
As above so below!
As long as is doesn’t change the color of the anal bleaching ? Is that you Hulk ?
Looks like and unripe banana ?
I was born in May . F by birth ? Astrological Fascism ?
These famous stars haven’t aligned in my favour as of yet. Maybe they’re just too busy hanging out with Bent Farcus to even be bothered by my needs and wants.
The Greeks , fearing the wrath of the Erinyes “The Furies” ( 3 goddesses of vengeance ) often addressed them by euphemistic names such as Eumenides (“kindly”) . Somewhat like not mentioning Voldemort . The gods have a habit of punishing those whose hubris pushes them to fly ,like Icarus, to close to the sun (our big star) ? ( if only Icarus had surfed he would have known that wax melts in the sun ).
euripides trousers eumenides trousers
http://www.tzr.io/yarn-clip…
Great stuff from the world’s second most famous Elton ( Ben ).
don’t say the B word, you’ll summon the beast!
I hope the gentle one will not lay his evil Marc (on ) us ?
Funny how that’s exactly the same site Ben uses for his little meme clips.
a friend of mine used to program for an astrology based dating site. they let him code from the the van when his band was on tour. this was the only positive thing we could come up with in relation to the concept.