Poll: How many photographs of yourself
surfing do you have?
By Chas Smith
Please circle one in the comments below.
I’m just gonna keep riffing here because it’s
Thursday and Thursday is for lovers. But real quick, how many
photos of yourself surfing do you have? I’m talking in any form.
Printed photo, digital photo, that digital frame that used to be
available for purchase that would scroll through digital photos,
magazine layouts, magazine posters, just regular posters, etc.
Please circle one in the comments below:
1-10
11-20
21-30
31-40
41-50
51+
Now, of course this question comes up due the World Surf League
President of Content, Media and WSL Studios’ elect’s prodigious
Instagram feed featuring 51++++ of him SUPing both with and without
paddle which makes me laugh heartily. But maybe I shouldn’t be
laughing. Maybe I should be taking notes and/or having someone take
photos because I have 3 shots of myself surfing and have to use the
same ones every time I post a story that somehow relates to me
surfing which is thankfully not often.
Should I have more?
How many do you have?
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Kolohe Andino surfed beautifully and was
beaten on the buzzer by an obscure rule apparently well-known to
WQS competitors like Pat Gudauskas. WSL
Quik Pro Day 3: “Kolohe Andino stabbed in
the neck; Julian Wilson, superbly sharp. Epic final looms!”
By Longtom
The superbly in-form Kolohe Andino loses to Pat
Gudauskas on obscure techniciality; Seb Zietz surfs out of his skin
to beat Griff C and more from Hossegor!
Dark days for both Toledo as a Title contender and my
professional reputation as a WSL correspondent. Despite
seeing that round three heat with Callinan looming like the nuts on
a pit-bull I tapped out.
Mountains of excuses come to mind: I’m an Indo-Pacific gal,
sleep deprivation, saturation marketing as psychological torture,
Erik’s people spiked my drink and therefore I was date-raped by pro
surfing etc etc but they would all be malicious fictions.
Reality is, one minute I’m on the tools tapping the keys the nek
I’m on the couch, tapped out. Missed a title heat.
Unforgiveable.
An incapacity to own a fuck-up is almost a defining feature of
the pro surf game. Thus we get Keanu Asing in the booth (Ranking
36, three heat wins 2018, average heat eat score 9.86)
pontificating on how to win heats hot on the heels of a heat loss
he should have won. No disrespect to Asing, big heart etc etc but
when he shows he can win heats his analysis has cred.
An incapacity to own a fuck-up is almost a defining feature of
the pro surf game. Thus we get Keanu Asing in the booth (Ranking
36, three heat wins 2018, average heat eat score 9.86)
pontificating on how to win heats hot on the heels of a heat loss
he should have won. No disrespect to Asing, big heart etc etc but
when he shows he can win heats his analysis has cred.
Till then, when it comes to viable pro surfing analysts: Kelly
Slater with 11 World Title= yes. Keanu Asing, about to be bundled
off tour for the second time = no.
My Toledo tap-out does illustrate what I call the “digestion”
problem for fans both hard-core and casual. You can think of it
like this: imagine a Wagyu steak, rare, or if vegan a piece of
silken tofu. To get to it you have to eat a bale of hay. The steak
is the Toledo heat, the bale of hay is the indigestible dross of
the ten heats preceding it. Even the hardest-core fan burns out
their digestion on the dross and taps out before the steak.
Cut the roster.
More steak, less hay.
Five heats completed today in declining hieroglyphic French
beachbreak, that being the balance of round three. Good
entertainment at that length. M-Rod bested Zeke after a fiery
exchange which Zeke put down to “competition, I’m competing”. John
Florence sprang to mind. Having your personal space invaded when
you’re set for life and a 48-foot Gunboat catamaran waits to be put
on a broad reach might seem a little less attractive now that two
world titles sit on the mantlepiece.
Mikey jogged past a Parko on his testimonial lap with one
savage, jagged hack in the lip worth the thirty minutes
invested.
The next heat with Patty Gudang and Brother was a classic.
Andino, 24, gave his fellow San Clementean Gudauskas, who is 32,
plenty of space. So much space that 1989 World Champ Martin
Potter chortled that the two pals were having a freesurf together
and any idea of competing was out the door. Kolohe carefully
gathered nuts and built scores. Patty G did not. With a clock
ticking down and a pair of mid to high sixes in Brother’s back
pocket next to a priority call Patty G paddled into a dismal
peak.
He took off as the horn sounded, which reset priority. It
motherfucking reset priority and Andino – who to my eye knowing
Patty G would not get the score – was laying down a little friendly
dominance play on him… got jabbed right in the neck by it.
Gudauskas gesticulated to the judges. What is this QS-level shit
I thought?
And then, when the brilliance of the knowledge was revealed and
Kolohe swore then buckled at the knees and Pat’s gal came sashaying
down the beach, twirling and whirling with pure joy in a bohemian
dream of leopard skin dress and red beret, it was glorious. An
underdog rising up! A roughie from the back of the pack!
And then, when the brilliance of the knowledge was revealed and
Kolohe swore then buckled at the knees and Pat’s gal came sashaying
down the beach, twirling and whirling with pure joy in a bohemian
dream of leopard skin dress and red beret, it was glorious. An
underdog rising up! A roughie from the back of the pack!
Underdogs end up in shallow graves in this sport. It’s cruel
like that. But good.
Zietz and Colapinto fought a really tight heat, another coin
toss. Griff landed badly on an air attempt then came back with a
couple of sizzling rides. Zietz took it on the final wave. Later,
Colapinto said he was “caught between two mindsets. Didn’t know
whether to wait for the best waves or go for an air”. When pressed
for his lessons from the heat a shirtless Griff said he needed more
time to digest the loss and he would get back to Rosie. Pete Mel
sensibly observed that Rosie was “comin’ in a little hot.”
Do I sound entertained? I was very entertained.
Last heat of the day and Wilson looked superbly sharp. Very
fast, very connected, very decisive in his turn selection and
execution. He easily dispatched a hapless Joan Duru, current rating
34.
More swell coming, with funky winds.
I see another epic Medina/Wilson Final looming.
Quiksilver Pro France Remaining Round 3 (H8-12)
Results:
Heat 8: Michael Rodrigues (BRA) 13.53 def. Ezekiel Lau (HAW)
11.16
Heat 9: Mikey Wright (AUS) 11.53 def. Joel Parkinson (AUS)
10.90
Heat 10: Patrick Gudauskas (USA) 8.06 def. Kolohe Andino (USA)
6.77
Heat 11: Sebastian Zietz (HAW) 12.70 def. Griffin Colapinto (USA)
12.33
Heat 12: Julian Wilson (AUS) 13.53 def. Joan Duru (FRA) 10.36
Quiksilver Pro France Round 4 Matchups:
Heat 1: Matt Wilkinson (AUS), Conner Coffin (USA), Jordy Smith
(ZAF)
Heat 2: Willian Cardoso (BRA), Adriano De Souza (BRA), Ryan
Callinan (AUS)
Heat 3: Gabriel Medina (BRA), Michael Rodrigues (BRA), Mikey Wright
(AUS)
Heat 4: Patrick Gudauskas (USA), Sebastian Zietz (HAW), Julian
Wilson (AUS)
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MeHab™ includes just doing normal easy stuff like
typing, scrolling through ELo's Instagram feed and drinking extra
vodka sodas. Then, one day you feel good enough to go
surfing.
How to: Bounce back from injury without
ever going to rehab!
By Chas Smith
Introducing MeHab™!
I went surfing today for the first time in nine
months, or actually the second time but that other first time some
five weeks ago was really just paddling. Don’t let anyone trick you
into thinking that the Bristow-Latarjet procedure is easy business.
The doctors do this…
…essentially cutting off your bicep muscle and screwing it into
your shoulder so it’ll stop popping out. My nine-month layoff may
not have been helped by the fact that I skipped rehab entirely,
opting instead for something I’m working on patenting called
MeHab™. The theory is based around a 1972 MG Midget I owned just
after college. It was a very wonderful car but would break all the
time. The garage would replace the broken part with something new
and fabulous which would stress the other parts, breaking one of
them and I’d be back in the shop the next day ad infinitum. I
should have replaced that first busted part with something equally
shitty or just rubber banded it back together.
MeHab™ includes just doing normal easy stuff like typing,
scrolling through ELo’s Instagram feed and drinking extra vodka
sodas. Then, one day you feel good enough to go surfing.
Which was today, for me.
It was a gorgeous, peaky North County morning but I was gripped
by anxiety that something would go wrong, had no quick twitch
muscle reaction in the shoulder so it was difficult to pop to feet,
etc. but the paddling felt good and I knew that I’d be back to my
normal self after a few more weeks of surfing and drinking extra
vodka sodas.
My normal self is not very great and people like to point that
out from time to time, I assume to shame. Like Mr. Dingin a few
hours ago who wrote, “The best part about all this is that after
comparing Logan’s surfing and Chas’s hunchbacked poo stance from
that wave pool clip, Logan surfs WAY better, even if it is on a
SUP.”
But it’s also not not very great and as I sat today, observing
every surfer around me, I realized that I am the exact middle point
of surf ability. The dead center between utter kook on one end and
semi-professional on the other (professionals don’t count as they
are bizarre mutants).
The perfect average.
No one is more average and I thought, “Well ain’t that
something…” because it also means that I’m the bellwether. Now,
forget, for a moment, that a “wether” is a castrated male sheep and
concentrate on its cultural meaning, “an indicator or predictor of
something.”
Being the dead center most average surfer on earth means that
how I feel about surfing is the way it is going to be.
How you like them apples World Surf League?
Stay tuned for predictions you can take to the bank!
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Erik Logan watch Day 3: “My wetsuit is a
suit of armor!”
By Chas Smith
We have a theoretical victory!
And thus it ends, me sitting on couch wiping
tears from my eyes, inspired. Was I wrong about the World Surf
League’s newest hire, President of Content, Media and WSL Studios
Erik Logan? Could I possibly have been wrong?
I don’t know but there appears to be a meeting on the books
between us, slated for January when he officially slides into his
role. If it happens, it’ll be the first high-level assemblage
betwixt the World Surf League and “that fucking
BeachGrit” in the Dirk Ziff era. A warming of
hostilities? A listening to The People and what they crave from
their professional surfing?
I don’t know but there is another tear in my eye because have
you heard Erik Logan’s story of conquering his fear of water and
learning to SUP? It is must watch but, in a nutshell, he was afraid
of the water and so his wife gave him a wetsuit and it changed
everything. The wetsuit became his suit of armor and he was able to
go slay dragons with his boat and spear.
If every wetsuit company in the entire world is not trying to
get Erik Logan on the team right now then they are utterly blowing
it. Matuse are you reading? Vissla? XCel? The Wetsuit of Armor is a
no-brainer.
An absolute no-brainer.
The rest of the chat is heart-warming too. Erik Logan speaks of
joining the tribe, leaving egos on the beach etc. This ego-less
surf tribe sounds very nice and you think I’m still joking, don’t
you. You think I’m still poking and prodding, digging for cheap
laughs. Well shame on you. There are issues to work through,
certainly, namely the SUP and his holding onto the debunked myth
that the “best surfer in the water is the one having the most fun”
but aren’t we big enough to give Erik Logan a legitimate shot?
Wouldn’t you like to be part of the ego-less surf tribe too?
See you in January, Erik!
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Take today. Ryan Callinan is feeling himself.
He’s just won a massive QS, he’s qualified to surf with the big
boys next year, and he’s coming out the other side of a period of
personal tragedy as bad as it gets. No wonder he’s surging. At 5/1
to beat Filipe today in a heat with only two possible outcomes it
was a gift. WSL
JP Currie: “There are bets to be had on
surfing that make you feel almost guilty for taking the cash!”
By JP Currie
Surfing, writes Scottish punter, is a gambler's
dream…
I’d like to preface this (and anything else I may write
about gambling in the future) with the following
statement:
Gambling is as foolish a pursuit as a man can have. It’s the
worst of the vices.
Despite what I write here, I am deeply embarrassed by my
gambling habits. They are hidden from the world. I surreptitiously
stab at my phone in dim corners of day-to-day life. I share none of
it, except, ironically, with a bunch of strangers on a men’s
special interest blog (plus two women).
Despite what I write here, I am deeply embarrassed by my
gambling habits. They are hidden from the world. I surreptitiously
stab at my phone in dim corners of day-to-day life. I share none of
it, except, ironically, with a bunch of strangers on a men’s
special interest blog (plus two women).I suppose it’s cathartic for
me. But, honestly, you’ve probably got more chance of getting rich
peddling witch’s tears than you do trying to beat the bookies.
Unless, of course, you’re betting on surfing. Then none of that
is true.
Because there are still bets to be had on surfing that make you
feel almost guilty for taking the cash. You can finally pat
yourself on the back for using knowledge gleaned from years of
dedication to this dull excuse for sport, and for surviving the
oral equivalent of waterboarding delivered by Potz and Turpel.
#metoo
Surfing is a gambler’s bloody dream, mate. As is France. France
can, as Jay Z might say, unwrap the gift and the curse in one
session.
Traditionally, the thing that takes gamblers down is when they
start betting on feel. When they get convinced they know what’s
going to happen without logic or evidence. This is what real
gamblers do. And by that I mean the ones who mostly lose money,
most of whom will ultimately lose all their money. I’m ultimately,
mostly and unfortunately one of those guys. I can walk away from a
poker game apathetic about winning money; or I can walk away happy
having lost it all if I’ve had just a single hand where I’ve been
all in and won on the river. That heave is all I need.
Of course, this is not what professionals do. Pros never bet on
feel. Instead, they bet on numbers, and probabilities, and rational
things. Surfing ain’t none of them things. Surfing is about feel,
and so is gambling on it. Forget the stats. Surf stats and all that
bullshit. Look at them, sure. It’s a consideration, but ignore them
generally. And don’t make ANY decisions based on numbers alone. You
can and should break the rules when betting on surfing. In
continuation of the rap parlance: bet on the guy who is feeling
himself.
Take today. Ryan Callinan is feeling himself. He’s just won a
massive QS, he’s qualified to surf with the big boys next year, and
he’s coming out the other side of a period of personal tragedy as
bad as it gets. No wonder he’s surging. At 5/1 to beat Filipe today
in a heat with only two possible outcomes it was a gift. Add in the
pressure on Filipe, and the fact that he’s choked in the past and
it wasn’t difficult to lay down some cash on Callinan. And of
course it makes you feel good to back him. You want him to win.
He’s a feel-good story. And judges of a subjective and emotional
sport are susceptible to feel good stories, just as you are. No
conspiracy, just chemistry.
My bets for today (all accumulators, all round three):
A 7 fold on: Cardoso to beat O’Leary (won); De Souza over Buchan
(won); Callinan over Toledo (won); Medina to beat Wiggolly (won);
Zeke to beat MRod (to run); Griff over C-Bass (to run); Duru over
Julian (to run). (276/1)
A 6 fold of the same bet minus Callinan. (45/1)
A 5 fold of Cardoso, De Souza, Callinan, Zeke and Griff.
(81/1)
I might do some cashing out overnight before it kicks off again
in the morning, but I probably won’t.
Laid back… with my mind on my money and my money on my mind
(Notes: Jamie gambles with Bet365, with “a
modest twenty pounds sterling on each of those multis. I might
cash some of it out tonight. Not convinced by Zeke over
M-Rod. On France so far I haven’t won anything. I had a few
minor pre0-event bets scuppered by Caroline Marks losing to the
wild card. She was one of my bankers for nearly every line. And
it’s been a slow one with the lay days etc anyway so I haven’t been
that on top of it. I don’t tend to bet on outright winners, I
only bet round one for fun, and I avoid round two because the odds
are generally not worthwhile. Round three on is where it gets more
tempting.”)
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Jon Pyzel and Matt Biolos by
@theneedforshutterspeed/Step Bros
