Breaking: Kauai’s Hanalei Bay closed down after firefighter bitten by tiger shark!

The most dreaded of all.

Of all the sharks in the ocean, I fear the tiger most. I grew up, as you know, on the Oregon coast where Great Whites roam. Oh sure they are very scary beasts and capable of inflicting great damage but they always seemed… I don’t know… disinterested in eating folk when compared to the stories I would read in the surf magazines about Hawaii and her tigers.

And yesterday, at the famed Hanalei Bay, considered by many to be the “hippest town” on the islands, a shark struck and let us turn to Hawaii News Now for more.

A Kauai firefighter suffered several large lacerations to his leg Monday afternoon after an apparent shark bite in Kauai’s Hanalei Bay.

Authorities closed the popular swimming and surfing spot after the incident, which happened about 1:45 p.m.

Kauai authorities said the surfer injured in the shark bite was in stable condition.

He was in the water at a spot known as “The Bowl” when he was bit by what appears to have been a tiger shark. It was estimated to have been about 13-feet-long.

Kea Dwight and his friends were on a boat about 100 yards away from the surf break when they noticed a commotion.

“Once we kinda got closer, there were a bunch of people around him and they were pointing at the guy,” Dwight said. “We went over to him and he’s like, ‘I just got bitten by a shark.”

“When we were going over there, there was like blood in the water and I was like ‘oh god,’” witness Chas Weimar said. “He was weirdly calm about this. We were more freaked out about it than him”

Dwight and Weimar quickly pulled the surfer aboard the boat and rushed to shore.

“I would’ve been much worse if we didn’t get him in fast,” Dwight said. “He put the tourniquet on himself and he was breathing and stuff.”

The surfer, who friends say is a firefighter from Kauai’s west side, is recovering in the hospital.

Is there a shark you are more scared of than others? Maybe the dreaded bong shark or are they all the same to you?

Speaking of that dreaded bong shark, ooooee! He killed 700 very irate BeachGrit Instagram followers yesterday.

Ate them whole.

Innovation: Brave Australian boy makes organic shark bong, gets flayed by ecologists!

“I just want to say thanks to the bunch of sooks..."

What do you want, progressives, ecologists, social justice warriors? Can you please, at your next clubhouse meeting, decide upon a hierarchy of values because it is totally impossible to keep up. Like, for example, what is more important… being organic or keeping the ocean plastic free? Because just yesterday a brave Australian boy was organic, keeping the ocean plastic free, and got flayed alive.

Let us read about him and his plight.

A fisherman and moderator of a popular Facebook group has used the body of a dead shark as a bong, prompting widespread criticism on social media.

The shocking video, which appears on popular group Fried Fishing Australia, shows the man holding the lifeless body of a small shark with a pipe stuck in its head and another pipe protruding from below its fin.

The man then lights the pipe, sucking from it before exhaling, appearing to laugh speak, while the “Baby Shark” kids song plays.

The group defended the post, explaining that the shark was “caught by my mate when we were fishing for mangrove jacks on Friday.”

“After two nights left in the ice box I came up with the idea. There is no possible way it was alive.”

In a follow up post, Fried Fishing Australia said the complaints have led to police have visiting the man in the video.

“I just want to say thanks to the bunch of sooks who have complained to the point of the police visiting,” he wrote. “Honestly I quit.”

And look at that. You made him quit. Now he’s gonna be bringing his plastic bong and/or disposable vape pens onto the boat just pitching them into the water willy-nilly. Just feeding them to whales who will later wash up on Japanese beaches, split open and spill mountains of plastic onto the black sand.

So make up your minds.


Adult Learner and Formula 1 champ Lewis Hamilton does a “Swayze Speedball!”

If you want the ultimate you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price!

Today is Super Bowl Sunday in America. The de facto national holiday wherein light beer is consumed whilst chicken wings are eaten whilst witty comments are served up one after another. Witty commentary about advertisements, witty commentary about pre-game/halftime/post-game shows, witty commentary about play on the field and witty commentary about politics.

It is the most wittiest time of the year but not for me. I wasn’t invited to a Super Bowl party today. I’ll have to save my wit. Can it up for next year.

In other news, Lewis Hamilton went skydiving yesterday and declared it the perfect compliment to surfing.

“Got my skydiving license ✔️ the feeling of free fall is incredible. Surfing and skydiving in the same day is the ultimate day for me. Have you skydived yet? If not, put the fear aside and go 💪🏾 #freedom”

What do you think about that? Surfing and skydiving in the same day is the ultimate day?

The boys from Point Break sure thought so.

Speaking of speedballs, which varietal is your favorite?

Traditional (cocaine and heroin).

Hippie (coffee and marijuana).

Swayze (surfing and skydiving).

Busey (cocaine and cocaine).


Listen: BeachGrit flutters its panty ruffles on Lipped Podcast!

Dumb opinions of dumb jerk get forty-five minutes of airtime… 

I’ve done enough hurt in my life to make the angels bawl. Married, yet always looking for a ride between banana yellow thighs. Ugly hookups and fruitless combs of bars. Stingy smiles. Bitter humour.

It ain’t no way to live. Alone. A glass of processed orange juice and a cigarette a dinner staple. A self-centred sissy, a wasted skeleton inside a flannel night gown,

My lonely heart galloped last Thursday when James Miles from Lipped The Surfer’s Podcast called (via the broadcasting application Zoom) and asked, and appeared interested, in my thoughts about surfing.

First, he said, “How cosy is this, you dirty old dog?”

I blushed red.

He asked about my relationship with Chas Smith. (I said he’s my royal flush catch.)

Nostalgia. (I said I worship the notion of glory days past.)

Kelly Slater. (Kids don’t appreciate what we got.)

Then James tightened the noose.

Why doesn’t the nice man who’s building wave pools in Australia (Andrew Ross, Urban Surf) like me?

The colonisation of surfing by the WSL and its adult learners.

And so on.

I haven’t listened to the finished product. Who needs to hear their own queenly melodrama?

If anyone turns the switch to on, I’d like a little feedback.

Do I talk like a sissy? (Positive, yes.)

Do I lie compulsively?



Entertaining at your new surf house will be glorious.
Entertaining at your new surf house will be glorious.

Buy: Your English dream surf home for less than two orders of avocado toast*!

Opportunity knocks!

When you think of “island” and then think of “surf” what are the first images that pop into your mind? Stiff, cold winds? A messy and angry ocean? Pale skin? Bangers? Mash? Me too! Jolly Old England. Enchanted Albion. Isle of Wave Dancing and have you ever thought about packing it all and just moving there? Just leaving it all behind?

Well, now is your chance and let us turn to the realtor’s gotta-see-to-believe description of a once-in-a-lifetime housing opportunity.

A luxury seaside home that sits above one of Britain’s finest surfing beaches has gone on the market for £1.15m.

The four-bed property, called Compass North, is separated from Fistral Beach in Cornwall by the protected green landscape of Newquay Golf Course.

The 1930s detached house that is on the market with estate agents Rohrs & Rowe, has uninterrupted views of the sandy beach and clear blue waters.

It has 3,675 sq ft of accommodation with sitting room, sun room, kitchen/dining room, drawing room, four bedrooms, three bathrooms and a gym or fifth bedroom.

There is also a downstairs shower room for de-sanding post beach activities.

Outside it has a double garage, landscaped gardens and a sun terrace.

Martin Rohrs, from Rohrs & Rowe, said: “The house is right next to Fistral Beach.”

Of course you know Fistral Beach, birthplace of high-performance English surfing. And can you even believe that you can own a slice for a paltry 1.1 million pounds? Right today that is only 1.5 million U.S. dollars and if you’re smart and play the Brexit I bet you can scoop for less than a million, or avocado toast for two in Bondi, Australia*.

It’d be like owning the Pipeline House for less than a million.

Think about that.