Dumb opinions of dumb jerk get forty-five minutes of airtime…
I’ve done enough hurt in my life to make the angels bawl. Married, yet always looking for a ride between banana yellow thighs. Ugly hookups and fruitless combs of bars. Stingy smiles. Bitter humour.
It ain’t no way to live. Alone. A glass of processed orange juice and a cigarette a dinner staple. A self-centred sissy, a wasted skeleton inside a flannel night gown,
My lonely heart galloped last Thursday when James Miles from Lipped The Surfer’s Podcast called (via the broadcasting application Zoom) and asked, and appeared interested, in my thoughts about surfing.
First, he said, “How cosy is this, you dirty old dog?”
I blushed red.
He asked about my relationship with Chas Smith. (I said he’s my royal flush catch.)
Nostalgia. (I said I worship the notion of glory days past.)
Kelly Slater. (Kids don’t appreciate what we got.)
Then James tightened the noose.
Why doesn’t the nice man who’s building wave pools in Australia (Andrew Ross, Urban Surf) like me?
The colonisation of surfing by the WSL and its adult learners.
And so on.
I haven’t listened to the finished product. Who needs to hear their own queenly melodrama?
If anyone turns the switch to on, I’d like a little feedback.
Do I talk like a sissy? (Positive, yes.)
Do I lie compulsively?
Yes?
Speaking of nostalgia Derek how good was the ASL man cartoon while u were at the helm of that magazine? Class.
Would love to see Cahill Bell -Warren get a gig commentating with the WSL for the Australian events . Young funny fresh honest view from a talented surfer / coach who can actually breakdown in an interesting manner what surfers are doing on and above the wave face .
Listened! You appointed yourself well. Nice to put a voice to the print!
… fuck, lay off the darts Derek – those seductive cunts with get ya!
Is it “Welcome two-Lipped Derek Reilly” or “Welcome too-Lipped Derek Reilly”?
* Oh for fuck sake its spelled “Lypped”, not “Lipped”. Makes my comment complete and den replete with dum uttered shit, but then again Escaped that wrath of bent farcus that been mark us not People™, not as much as than thee
I’m great bro
Been watching the German production of tiny teens on pornhub for the last 3 weeks obsessively.
Thanks for asking!
Oy Bexy, you and Dez are the biggest perverts around these parts. And I mean that as a compliment.
So Noa Deane gets credibility at Pipeline for beating JJF. Isn’t that JJF’s role in the WSL now? You get to claim you beat him if you do, and you have nothing to lose if you don’t. Isn’t beating JJF in a couple early rounds what put Caio on the map? Did Jesse Mendes surf any other heats last year beyond that Hail Mary heat win over JJF in WA?
JJF inspires the best surfing in other people, but what about the WSL is going to inspire him?
I enjoyed it greatly, Derek. You talk real nice.
But…no need to apologise on my behalf. Jimmy needed that mirror. And concedes he sees what I do.
Oh I apologised because I thought it was our biz man Jazzy P throwing stones.
Apart from your rasp / cough, you sounded fine Derek. Refreshing stuff. I wish youse two would do poddies more often.
Would love to hear more about your continuing adventures in the company of The Adult Learners of Bondi.
It has its highs and lows, I tell ya.
B.A.L.D.
Bondi Adult Learners Democracy
#ACRONYMSYEEEEEW!
There is room in the surf podcast space for an Australian david lee scales/ Scott Bass, lipped try, ain’t that swell sorta have moments but you derek could sieze the moment, just get rid of the cough!
w.t.f moments:
“don’t aim to bully” but has 250,00 original visitors and website profits off mocking people
compares colonisation of indigenous peoples to what is happening to some self-entitled men and their ‘original rights/culture’
decries adult learners but could be classed as one himself given lack of technique (self-critiqued) i.e. himself still learning how to surf
questions those who surf for reasons (e.g. fun, communing with nature). worries about technique. yet surfing is fun, stop taking it so seriously.
is in the encyclopedia of surfing and wiggs is not?
all in all an enjoyable parasocial moment with a confusingly sexy husky voiced stud.
happy to be the next interviewer next time. and it can take place in bed and drunk.
xox
Chicks and bad boys.
It never gets old.
I’m not so sure that Drunken Angel is a chick.
No decent girls would come here.
I’ll leave the door ajar.
Dezza, am confused by the term ‘banana yellow thighs.’
Is your predilection for women with jaundice?
what could be sexier than “jaundice”.
Jaundice sounds like a Ukrainian filly. Maybe he’s got a thing for Chernobyl chicks?
???
https://uploads.disquscdn.c…
The bananas in the striped pyjamas. Dez’s thing for Jewish women.
You’re onto something here
Ouch. Didn’t mean that.
Hoisted by me own petard!
Try Banarama next time ?
Cruel Summer! They should make a comeback tour. I would go to that concert.
I believe he’s implying that although there was a perfectly palatable plate of occidental noodles at home, he couldn’t stop ordering out pad thai
Or from the Orient? You do the geo-maths etc.
He likes white girls with the pink butterfly wings. Not the mocha thighs with the purple butterfly wings.
A true surfer be judged not by his hype in the water, but by his self loathing out of it
Did good Dez. James made me uncomfortable, I don’t think I’ll be going back for the Freestone interview.
Does this james dude sound like a bit of a plonker?
Classic Burn on Strider! haha!
Oops! But true, yes?
Upvote for any article with Jordy having a sob. Poor bastard
Was funny you never apologised once for the hacking..
I’d never heard you before
You were good.
But he dissed your Bondi accent and postcode. I was waiting for you to burn him abour being Mexican but you did not. He was trying hard and sounded it, but you sounded whatevs and it sounded cool. Typical Gemini.
I’ll toss you some untested pingas if you mention my name next poddy
Gemini? Oh, Libra. And, true re: happy days in a tablet?
More proof astrology is bullshit cause you are definatly Gemini.
You did good, but if you wants to be on ain’t that swell I suggest you fix ya raspy cough. Then it’s onward and upwards to the JRE.
The cough is a distraction for clearing thought…a planned distraction I might add!
Nice cough.
Sounded more like a pube stuck in the back of his throat to me.
I really kept hoping to hear someone’s bored but sultry tones in the background, asking when he’d be finished with the interview.
Its better than um
Dez you sound like a nasally little whiner!!!! Have you got a cold fuck me – interview and talk only when you have the pipes at their finest pal!! I could only listen for about 30 secs!! Whats all the “ahhhhh’ ‘kahhhh” ‘”hmmmm” clearing throat bullshit????
but I enjoyed it!!!
So you whine about his whining then say you enjoyed it even though you only lasted 30 seconds?
Is that based upon past sexual experiences?
obviously was serious – Dez implied he sounds like a sisssy and yeah mate half that for me in sexual stakes
Oh I’ve been terribly ill. I thought lung cancer, initially, my DNA profile suggests I’m susceptible, but no. Still have years left, apparently.