Sorry!

Yesterday it was revealed here that Surfer magazine and its parent company TEN had been purchased by the National Enquirer. Maybe a good fit? Whoever knows these things but reporting today from inside the room suggests there has been a brutal bloodletting. A ruthless chopping of salary with no even “let’s pretend” wink and nod toward future growth. No. The game is to cut, cut, cut then resell, too hell with all that blood. What Youth also announced recently that it is ceasing its print magazine and who’s fault is it?

BeachGrit‘s of course!

I’ve been sent more DMs, texts, emails today specifying how surf media was once proud, noble, widely consumed, widely appreciated, loved, honored, respected, important, critical… until BeachGrit came along, debasing the medium.

And now look.

The stories that find purchase are quick blurbs on a brave woman who surfed with fins inserted progressively, putsches in Orlando and aggressive leash tugs etc. etc. etc. The only point to feed “a nasty crew of commenters.”

I suppose…. I’m sorry? But I don’t suppose that because I’m totally not.

Fuck the surf media for being shit for so crazy long.

Fuck it for forgetting that this isn’t serious, it’s only fun and fun is only ever temporal. That the people who have the most fun are the grumpy locals and you (grumpy local) are the only, literally and honestly ONLY thing that matters.

Fuck it for thinking friendship with professional surfers is the end all and be all of life.

Fuck Stab the honest-to-goodness flabby cop calling negative comment deleting worst of all. Fuck “media groups.” Fuck Surfline. Fuck antiquated old man bullshit that this was ever “important.”

It was never important. It was fun. Fun in spite of all of us damned surf medias not because of us.

Oops! I started drinking early!

But where are all the Surf Ranches?

Chelan, Washington is a town of just over 4000 in the almost center of the Evergreen State. Its post office was built in 1890, its school in 1893 and its deep water standing wave, the largest in the whole world, is set to open in 2019.

The Lake Chelan Mirror writes:

Joining the world-wide manufactured wave craze, Slidewaters Waterpark will open the world’s largest and the first deep water stationary wave in the United States. The 52 ½ foot wide Citywave© can produce waves as high as 6 feet and can be surfed with standard ocean boards and fins. Slated to open to the public summer of 2019, Lakeside Surf is a stand-alone surf park that will operate both independently and in connection to the existing waterpark.

So basically a very big Flowrider. A contained and controllable Waimea river thing.

All fine and good, especially for our Pacific NorthPest but the reason we should discuss is the first phrase of the Mirror piece. “Joining the world-wide manufactured wave craze…” and there sure is a lot of smoke there but where the hell is the fire?

I mean, Surf Ranch premiered what, two years ago now? And what have we got to show for it. We’ve got Surf Ranch. We’ve got shuttered Waco. We’ve got shuttered Austin. We’ve got a Mad Max thing in Australia that makes epic 1 footers. We’ve got a Chinese knock-off and… am I missing any? I think that’s it. Oh, besides the world’s largest deep water stationary wave in Chelan, Washington.

And if “manufactured waves” were really moneymakers wouldn’t we be seeing franchises starting to pop up everywhere by now?

I mean… what’s the deal?