A multi-pronged blood feud! The Inertia v Chas Smith, What Youth and Surfing!
What’s going on? I’ve been working on my podcast. Medium of the future!
I love how, now that everyone has access to the ability to produce high quality video content, we’re embracing old timey amateur radio. It’s like cell phones. We can do full on futuristic video chat but everyone just sends short, typo-laden, text messages.
Anyway, here’s two little stories for today. Funny stuff, put a smile on my face, for sure.
Chas Smith is a “spineless dick.”
Shots fired! I love it! BLOOD FEUD!
Sarcastic delivery of “drugs are bad!” But they aren’t. They’re great! Gotta glorify ’em. How else will all the poor children who are taught to stay away learn how rad they really are?
So I’m not gonna take a shot at Jacob McCafferty. I defintely won’t point out that he looks like a jug-handled Mormon kid who drank his first beer last week then sucked off his best friend then decided to double down on the homophobia because he feels guilty about how much he enjoyed it.
I don’t like to go after other writers. Usually. I know how difficult this deal can be, that sometimes tone doesn’t work, jokes fall flat. This is the internet age, we’ve got hours to work on pieces that’d’ve been given weeks a decade ago.
So I’m not gonna take a shot at Jacob McCafferty. I defintely won’t point out that he looks like a jug-handled Mormon kid who drank his first beer last week then sucked off his best friend then decided to double down on the homophobia because he feels guilty about how much he enjoyed it.
The Lunada fort is coming down.
Pure gold. Local residents chimed in:
The Bay Boys who congregate there are “not a gang. It is a club,” said resident Pat Stolz, who urged the city to preserve the structure. “We don’t want crowds. Think twice when someone comes in and tells you what to do.”
Another resident, Stanton Hunton, said the Bay Boys “are very pleasant people” and told the council members, “don’t succumb to the Coastal Commission.”
Yes! Keep out the scum.
But there’s a problem. A fatal flaw.
City attorneys said that permitting the structure would mean that the city would also need to maintain it and assume liability for anyone who is hurt there.
“The truth of the matter is that the city does not want to own a structure like this. We can’t afford to own a structure like this,” said Councilman James D Vandever.
Once again proving that the only thing rich people hate more than sharing public resources is paying to maintain them.
That may well be your finest description of anyone, ever.
Jacob McCafferty does cat food commercials……really…..fucking….stupid…cat…fucking…food…commercials
The definitive voice of ……..what was that again?!?!?!?
https://www.youtube.com/wat…
Rory’s description appears strikingly accurate given that Mr. McCafferty is from Texas and IMDb claims extra roles in productions you’ve never heard of. How ’bout them ears?
http://www.goduke.com/ViewA…
http://www.imdb.com/name/nm…
But fuck, Walter Mignolo and Fredric Jameson must be playing Russian Roulette as we speak for granting the guy a Duke literature degree.
pussy whipped anyone?
how long would this jacob mccafferty guy last in yemen? would he even de-board the plane?
lol I had to make the story more sultry. They were just QS guys.
LA Times:”Belligerent surfers’ fort”; lol.
This McCafferty dude needs to smoke a doob, and chill the F out; what a nut, acting like surfers are a bunch of donkeys that have no free will. That wanna-be Dr. Phil shit has no place in surfing; one of the reasons we surf is to get away from all the physchoanalytical babble the media tries to cram down our throat. Fact is, surfers are generally thrill seakers; we love fun shit; drugs are fun. This is the message the surf world should foster: Just don’t smoke meth or crack and you should be good; oh, one more thing: use a condom, eat veggies, and don’t smoke cigarettes bc they’ll kill you; but if you do smoke cigarettes, know that you’ll have to quit by 25, or your lungs will be forever fucked. Bam; you’re welcome kid.
probably leave the opiates out too but spot on
Forgot about that; no opiates!
Even if they’re by prescription? A Dr would never give you anything bad for you.
Hey, pros and ex-pros alike gotta score their drugs somewhere. Might as well get a surf along the way.
The kid purposely started this Blood Feud because no one reads The Inertia and no one has ever heard of him. This is the oldest tactic in the book, pick a fight with someone more famous than you and watch the clicks roll in…
Mr. McCafferty has a point in his article “Why I Deeply Respect the Surf…” i Remember being on pins and needles to surf rocky rights around this stocky tattooed regular footer with word “Thrasher” embossed on his body during my first winter. I wasn’t till following summer I was living near “Backyards” and he was up the street that I felt comfortable being in same sidewalk with him. I year or so later I was back from commercial fishing. And was out at “Sunset” saw Mr.Adams. I asked him about a quote i read he made. “Its easier to be the bad guy, harder to be the good guy.” I asked if he meant it. He nodded yes. Go read his wikipedia (Personal Life) Tragic!
Still trying to figure out why would anyone take such a descriptive shot at Jacob McCafferty. Read like bullying to me.
Chazzilla needs to regulate this shit and give Jacob magic wedgie. Otherwise, it is not much of a feud.
This really was more a shot at the fringe society that is core surfing, no matter how you look at it you can’t gentrify our sport. We’re like bikers in the respect that yeah a few doctors and lawyers dress up as the core guys buy the harleys and essentially do the same thing, but then on the other spectrum you have the REAL MC’s. An institution that has been around since the beginning of MC’s and they do gnarly shit to not have to work. All those doctors and lawyers want to be the dress the same and look like the core MC guys, without having to do the things that a club like that does. That’s what is driving the surf industry right now, a bunch of trustafarians who want to be like noa,or dane,or whoever. Beer chugging derelicts who are known for doing nothing and surfing well.
damn I got called out! whats an inertia?
Well i meant Motorcycle Clubs i just didn’t want to drag the hells (cough) in to this by name,or that other group of mongo….I should shut up before a meth head on a harley kicks my door down. Also the inertia is kind of like nickleback,a running joke.
Yes to the Nickleback comparison. On their good days perhaps likened to Puddle of Mudd or Creed.
orthodontists in leather vests and du-rags
Sure, drugs are bad, but my brain finds it hard to rationalise the criticism of surfers’ drug abuse when we’re hooting and hollering at these same guys to charge into monstrous death slabs that run over barely a foot of water. Each are dangerous, and could result in death, but life is short and both drugs and getting barrelled are fun. It’s a risk versus reward scenario, I guess.
Stanton Hunton?? No. Nobody could be called Stanton Hunton.
I worked with a guy called Brenton Blenkins. No bullshit. People can be cruel.
At least now we get a chance to rename ourselves on the BeachGrit with something that really fits our aspirations, free from the cruelty of drunken parents. I’m looking at you, Turd Ferguson.
Its a funny name!
went to school with a Reid Reid
Middle school :William winkler he’s non ironically a cop now.
Quick internet snooping reveals señor Hunton wasn’t even born in the South Bay, let alone PVE. Amazing the legs this lunada bay story has, the “bay boys” are truly a bunch of shitty ads stance fuckwits protecting their mushy right. Here’s a little recent anecdote: About a month ago an early season south/southwest hit – I had some friends (ex-pro and current pros) visiting from out of town for a business meeting. Malibu was firing but too far, the entire Santa Monica bay was walled up but we were itching to paddle out and we had the camera rig and shooter with us. We ended up scoring a not so secret spot completely alone – head high to a foot overhead, reeling sections and light offshore. We surfed it for two or three hours and even filmed from the rocks with no issue. After the surf we grabbed lunch and I gave them a tour of all the spots around the point back towards Hags – Lunada being smack in the middle on the way and only a few miles up. They couldn’t believe we were just going to roll up on the cliff top. I told them, not only are we going to roll up, we are going to get out and stand there and they aren’t going to do shit. And low and behold, when we pulled up, a congregation of Da Boys were standing drinking at the top of the cliff trailhead. 2 longboarders out in chest high at best sets. The guys i was with couldn’t believe, a) how passive (read pussy) da international sensational boys were and b) how much smaller/shittier it was there than where we surfed. Because its a meh break. We took photos, they didnt say shit. Two stops up and Indicator was reeling hollow lefts across the finger ledges. No one out. Little reef and even ski jump were showing. No one out. What’s my point? I dont have one other than, if Lunada is breaking, so are about 20 other spots that are equally as good from TC’s and BA’s through Abalone, Indicator, up to Hags and beyond. They can have their fort if they want, They should not, however, surf anywhere else. Lunada is all they should get.
I thought it just broke on a west or northwest?
I don’t have my log book on me but iirc it was the 3rd day of a north moving south storm swell so it was long period, about 225 by that point – which is why Malibu was breaking and Porto/shitpipe etc were walled up.
Something tells me Jacob is just upset because he hasnt gotten an invite to Surf Expo yet… also sorry about your homeboy being an idiot and getting pissed before paddling out in a hurricane swell and not coming back, but Darwin wrote a few words about that.
Chas may be a Star Fucker but thats why I like him. You either hype on Chas’ shit or you dont. Just like the two worlds in surfing. Surfers can spend decades training like madmen to still pull garbage style-less half turns chasing trophies, while the guy who just burnt a blunt on the beach can go out and rip the face off a wave before sending a full rote reverse filming for a video part. Both are respectable but in different ways.
Seriously ive never met a surf crew worth a shit that wasnt at least burning a J or crushing a few beers on the beach. Does jacob not know that most photogs and video dudes spend their days getting smoked out by locals for free shots when they are traveling? Thats acceptable currency for photos/videos anywhere in Latin America.
Chas took on Fast Eddie.
Therefore he isn’t spineless.
As for being a dick? Well…
by “took on” i assume you mean wrote about how scary he is and ginned up the nerve to ask him a few inoffensive questions. and then turned that half-day’s work into an entire book. (fun book! don’t get it twisted)
I believe the most dramatic and pivotal scene in the book is when he remembered to remove his rubbah slippahs before entering Eddie’s house.
Such tension!
I’m confused, my old phone can’t follow any links, but if it could it wouldn’t let me near the inertia! It’s a good phone! The inertia is for kooks, utter shite, Chas is the man, would rip zach’s (whatever he is called) throat out with his teeth! UFC 201 beckons…
The comments section at the Inertia tells me otherwise Jimmy…
So funny when The Inertia try to be the cool kid, and double-down on lame
If you have to state ” this is sarcasm” , you might not have any creative writing skills. He tried to go outlandish but you can tell he’s never done a line off a strippers ass. To be an author you must immerse yourself.
Always up vote lines on stripers asses.
I mean look at the positives! I’m putting a girl thru ” medical school” and helping a small Mexican family buy shoes and AK 47’s plated in gold. No bad can come of it!
Win-win!
Striders
You’re not a writer until you’re fishing bindles out of arseholes with either tongue or fist.
When will peope realize, that mocking below the bar humor only makes us go lower. ” you want sarcasm and drug use!?! I’ll give you sarcasm and drug use” and where is chas at this point, no doubt banging rails of heron drawing more swastikas . You know the norm.
But did he have to use tongue or fist to retrieve and rail said “heron”?
Epsom salt based laxative . I had to impliment a back up plan when i couldn’t reach with either.
I forecast another hypocritical follow up article on this from the Inertia editor. Article bait, chum some comments, cue editor. Becoming a trend
I swear to god I came from a similar backround as this kid, the usage of NOFX, referencing the singer for a song that was trolling before trolling, the only difference between us is I apparently was having fun, doing excellent coke in central America,smoking pakalolo in Hawaii, as fucked as it sounds those harken back some of the best and most hilarious moments of my life! I picture this guy being the dude trying to sleep underneath me in the bunk bed at the hostel while I bang a coked out tourist chick.
Recall reading that The Inertia editorial staff turned up to a surf media event wearing matching Hawaiian shirts? People taking themselves too seriously can be funny as fuck
A bunch of white guys in reyn spooner “uniforms” and chas is the nazi. I wonder if the management forced the poor bastard to put the ” disclaimer”.
I love my Reyn Spooner shirt.
Me too! Did you know there’s a Reyn Spooner outlet on Oahu? Tucked away into a corner off Bishop Street. Cheap as all get out.
That’s exactly where I got my shirt. Super cheap and exactly the style that I wanted. I think they have their clearance sale around this time every year.
We have a lot in common Fergo. Peace.
I’m so confused? The inertia? Name calling? Lunada bay? What does it all mean!?! Edit: i followed directions, This guy doesn’t even know that his example of fat mike is dead wrong as he has decided to get sober and if one really wanted to be a Dick that could be misconstrued as this jerk off doesn’t even know what the hell he’s talking about, at all.
And I’m willing to bet he likes his own posts on Facebook…
Jacob McCafferty trying to parlay a dorky-ass Inertia essay into a career as WSL Media Director/Head Puritan?
If you told me that Dave Prodan was raised Mormon, I’d believe it. Also, as far as the discussion of spineless…