Opens mid-2020, god willing etc.

You can’t keep a good man down, as the saying goes. You’ ll remember the hoo-ha a few months ago when a sturdy contingent of WQS-level Australian pro surfers and the former world champ Joel Parkinson flew to Central Queensland to test the full-sized prototype of the Occy and Barton Lynch-endorsed wave pool.

The waves were very small, one to two feet using a generous ruler, but the reveal was stymied when the giant plunger buckled while operating at only fifty percent capacity. Surf Lakes said the failure was a manufacturing fault, that a new part was being built and that the Yeppoon prototype would be operational, again, by the end of January 2019.

As at ten pm, February 25, the part has yet to be installed and the pool remains idle.

https://www.instagram.com/p/Bp5hasEnZ9H/

This certainly hasn’t derailed Surf Lakes’ plans to get their first commercial pool.

From a presser that just got released,

Surf Lakes has been scouring the Gold Coast for suitable land, and at present has selected an appropriate site in a location that is centrally located and easily accessible for residents and tourists.

Newly appointed Surf Lakes Chief Executive Officer, Mal Borgeaud, is genuinely excited at the prospect of bringing Surf Lakes to such a coveted, surf-proud locale and envisions the facility will give great benefit to the community.

“As a company we are tremendously excited to be announcing our commitment to building a facility on the Gold Coast. We have been overwhelmed by the support and encouragement we have received from both Council and the Queensland Government,” said Borgeaud.

“It makes sense, with the Gold Coast being our home town, that we construct a commercial facility here. We know the facility will bring tremendous benefits to the community, not just by providing waves and surf-oriented fun… it will be a boost for employment, tourism and the local economy,” he continued.

“Our aim is to make this site a genuine show piece not only for our technology but for the Gold Coast as well.”

Surf Lakes envisions that construction will begin in late 2019 or early 2020 with a view to opening in the second half of 2020.

Bullish!

Say sayonara to deadly amoeba! Waco is back…

Do you dream of riding the pool in Waco, of shovelling all those ramps into your mouth during the one ninety-dollar, sixty-minute session?

BSR Cablepark was 2018’s shooting star.

It was a pool that did what no other pool on earth could do. It created ramps…and…tubes.

And then a New Jersey surfer died after he was”likely” infected by brain-eating amoeba at the Waco tank. The pool was closed so filters could be installed.

Fzzzzzz. 

In three weeks, the park reopens, with the new filters to treat the tank’s four million litres of water. Instead of being dyed blue, the water will look like its been poured straight from Evian bottles, says the owner Stuart Parsons.

“Basically we’re making drinking water,” he says.

Of course, after the amoeba episode, after water samples taken by health officials found evidence of Naegleria fowleri and that exposure “likely occurred at the facility”, the park threw out a press release headlined, “WATER TESTS COME BACK CLEAN” and “BSR Determined to Go the Extra Mile, Set Highest Standards for Safety.” 

So who knows if you’re going to be able to drink the pool juice.

Anyway, if you’re near the park, or you’re happy to jump a bird to Texas, bookings are open.

Ninety bucks for an hour or $2500 for the entire pool…or…twenty-five gees to eat up the park for the day with a one-hour break in the middle for everyone to down tools, inhale a well-earned margarita etc.

Grab eight of your pals and you’ll get the “expert” wave to yourselves for an hour for $810.

Click here for sessions.

And if you wanna stay on site, BSR has poolside cabins that cost $249 to $475 a night. 

Go surfing at The Pass, make easy money…

You might’ve heard about trouble rustling among the palm trees of that #vanlife and retro-fab logger paradise, Bryon Bay.

Loggers, see, the authentic ones with hair bowl-cut in the manner of superhero George Greenough and dragging their immense craft tail-down across the sand like weak children (ironic), don’t dig wearing leashes.

The issue reached peaked a year or so ago after a few faces had been rearranged by leashless logs at the Pass, described here, as “the most dangerous surf spot on the east coast of Australia – if you rank danger by chance of collision occasioning  actual board and bodily harm. For the everyday surfer it is a write off. A world-class wave buried under a blanket of narcissistic greed. A sad indictment of the human race’s propensity to make too much out of a good thing.” 

One prominent MP, Ian Cohen, who made a name for himself in 1985 protesting nuclear-capable US warships in Sydney Harbour by hitching a ride on the bow of a destroyer with his board, says he won’t go near the Pass without a helmet and wants a sort of water-born police force. 

Pussy, and fuck that, you fascist. Who needs more cops?

Anyway, salvation is at hand and a win, I think, for everybody, at least in the short term.

Local solicitors Somerville Laundry Lomax have advertised their services should you cop a board in the head, body, whatever, and you want to roast the person responsible like a pecan flambé in court.

In an advertisement in the local newspaper, The Echo, SLL ask: Have you been injured by a surfer whose board was not restrained by a legroom? If so, and you know the details of the surfer at fault, call etc.

I ain’t no lawyer but the sentence “Have you been injured by a surfer whose board was not restrained” seems a little off.

I’ve never been hit by a surfer and I believe the essence of recent complaints was that loose surfboards were the prob not the pilot who, you would imagine, is swimming somewhere out the back while his nine-six pinballs through the kids and grand mammies on plastic floatation devices.

Anyway, sounds like they’ll jump on your case in a no-win, no-fee sorta deal.

Call ’em.