Go surfing at The Pass, make easy money…
You might’ve heard about trouble rustling among the palm trees of that #vanlife and retro-fab logger paradise, Bryon Bay.
Loggers, see, the authentic ones with hair bowl-cut in the manner of superhero George Greenough and dragging their immense craft tail-down across the sand like weak children (ironic), don’t dig wearing leashes.
The issue reached peaked a year or so ago after a few faces had been rearranged by leashless logs at the Pass, described here, as “the most dangerous surf spot on the east coast of Australia – if you rank danger by chance of collision occasioning actual board and bodily harm. For the everyday surfer it is a write off. A world-class wave buried under a blanket of narcissistic greed. A sad indictment of the human race’s propensity to make too much out of a good thing.”
One prominent MP, Ian Cohen, who made a name for himself in 1985 protesting nuclear-capable US warships in Sydney Harbour by hitching a ride on the bow of a destroyer with his board, says he won’t go near the Pass without a helmet and wants a sort of water-born police force.
Pussy, and fuck that, you fascist. Who needs more cops?
Anyway, salvation is at hand and a win, I think, for everybody, at least in the short term.
Local solicitors Somerville Laundry Lomax have advertised their services should you cop a board in the head, body, whatever, and you want to roast the person responsible like a pecan flambé in court.
In an advertisement in the local newspaper, The Echo, SLL ask: Have you been injured by a surfer whose board was not restrained by a legroom? If so, and you know the details of the surfer at fault, call etc.
I ain’t no lawyer but the sentence “Have you been injured by a surfer whose board was not restrained” seems a little off.
I’ve never been hit by a surfer and I believe the essence of recent complaints was that loose surfboards were the prob not the pilot who, you would imagine, is swimming somewhere out the back while his nine-six pinballs through the kids and grand mammies on plastic floatation devices.
Anyway, sounds like they’ll jump on your case in a no-win, no-fee sorta deal.
We don’t need lawyers we need violent consequences for bad behavior. A savage beating for dropping in or a broken leg by being snapped against a kerb for hurting someone as a couple of suggestions. Public Stoning to death for serious offenses. Women would not be able to participate in the stoning though, not unless they disguise themselves as a man and speak with a deep voice.
I always try grab the thing, leggy or not, it’s a 20ft killing circle if you have one on. Some of the “oblivious” just let it go…
yeah, me too. At least once or twice!!! Then I stayed closer to home. Nice you didnt die!! Boards and necks dont mix well.
I just remembered Chris O’Rourke yelling at me!! I had actually caught an inside right hooker…probably spazzing hard. Years before I made any friends there. I had long hair, 1970 (east coast transplant) and was SO outa my league…that same day he and a bunch of the locals had a standoff with this giant moke from OB..he had a baseball bat, and it didnt look good for anyone. Chris just taunting this huge dude, …I decided to learn to surf the cliffs a bit before venturing around….out of state plates and all. Man, nothing like the luck of the naive eh?
My good friend was one of the last allowed to ride a longboard at windan. It was a big old 12ft footer, everybody knew he would pull into the hooker, maybe make it or maybe not. Kids were always pissed off at him but they could duck dive under, the boat as it went overhead, but the gold chain kooks muscle heads from inland challenged him as they were clueless.
Major standoff, but as tells the story, the parking lot crew interceded and made some serious threats to the kooks. My friend bought a couple of pizzas for the lot as thanx. Hes mostly retired now, but one of the best tuberiders in LJ. Even on a 12 footer! Coming from PL over to that lot was a big deal when I was younger, serious enforcement. I met some of the feral crew and then it was a bit better.
Leashed up VALs are way more dangerous than me riding free your honor!
Or into some cunts face…
Could you just cop the whack then steel the board as recompense?
I’m keen to try and sue clubbies on paddleboards who can’t hold onto them in overhead surf.
Some doofus put down their coffee cup on the ad before sending off to the printer.
Just can’t get decent help these days.
…seriously: what is you were responsibly wearing a leg-rope and it snapped, resulting in injury?
Some hipster with a mustache that lives in a van isn’t going to give me any real money. I am better off just kicking out his glassed on fin on his shit 9’4″ that his “yoga friend” made as a coming out gift for him….
“Loggers, see, the authentic ones with hair bowl-cut in the manner of superhero George Greenough…”
Harry Bryant’s long last Pap?
I love it when the too cool brigade paddle out at the point without their leg ropes. One false move on their cheater 5 and its bounce bounce bounce straight onto the rocks.
Freedom is a loose log after a clean up set…
… some next level ‘ambulance chasing’
A simple defence would be shift the blame to the board manufacturer / surf wax manufacturer / the VAL who faded you / the hot chick paddling up the face in the thong bikini, causing a momentary loss of concentration resulting in you to losing your board …
fck!!! take it to the bridge and simply counter-sue ‘Huey’ … ?
Not sure how this would legally ‘stand-up’ (irony), but Somerville Laundry Lomax must surely be revelling in the publicity … a producer from ACA will be pitching the story as I type this.
Or, “weren’t me…prove it was.”
true.
Or, “your honour, the wax was labeled ‘Sticky Bumps’ and it was neither ‘sticky’ nor ‘bumpy’ that’s why I lost my board”
more like smeary bumps amiright
Jobless – check
Waterborn police force – check. Maybe I could issue parking tickets as well, tickets for incorrect beach attire, socks with sandals, length of short, incorrect fitting bikini – no side boob showing, hipster shirts, FCS vs futures, fins not sharp enough vs too sharp – endless revenue
We truly are brothers.
I think if every surfer was required to wear a leash, GoPro (aka dashboard cam) and a helmet at the Pass it would be glorious!
Who do you call when
Injured by an unrestrained
Man in a grey suit?
Its not like surfers have deep pockets. If this is some roundabout way of in the future forcing surfers to acquire insurance in order to surf, GW sharks won’t be the only sharks that start washing up on Australian beaches with their livers removed.
Pay to play…need annual stick fee to surf. WSL can show the way with pro’s stepping up to show the way!
Hell they’ll be selling beach blanket space on the beach to the hotties… like a concert.
“This is Surfing”
Localism will return